#adoubtifitbeus

[draconym]

We hooked up Loopin' Louie to a TENS unit that shocks you if you don't deflect him.

[draconym]

A student once gave my spouse a course evaluation that said he was "a good teacher with a really boring personality."

I just got home to find him teaching his friends to lockpick while they all watch National Treasure.

[draconym]

Real men are easily be distinguished from imaginary men because imaginary men are negative when squared.

[draconym]

Since you all had so many kind things to say about my spouse on this post, I will provide you with ten Spouse Facts:

He has a pet rabbit that we found as a stray, which he has clicker trained to do various tricks. He also wrote the rabbit a theme song which he frequently sings to him (when he is not baby talking at him). The rabbit loves this.

He plays the guitar, piano, and dizi (Chinese transverse flute). When I got very sick a few months ago, he wrote a song for me and has sung it to me nearly every day since. He also wrote a (beautiful, heartbreaking) song for his mother who has dementia and whom he visits every day, because music is retained much longer than other kinds of memories.

He doesn't have a car. He is anti-car. He has two bicycles: a Raleigh Record Ace (with a custom paint job featuring a rabbit) and a Lightspeed. He has a lot of biking gear that makes him look like a Pokemon trainer.

He eats raw onions whole like they are apples.

He got serious about baking as a hobby a few years ago, when he was irritated by the imprecision of bread recipes for not stating the optimal temperature of warm water to proof yeast. He created a gas displacement chamber out of jars and aquarium tubing and ran a series of experiments to find out the answer himself. We ate a lot of bread that month.

He taught himself tablet weaving in an afternoon. He also knits, and one time he sewed himself an entire ballroom gown for a Halloween costume because they don't make ballroom gowns in his size.

He's conversational in Spanish, French, Japanese, and Mandarin.

He learned to beatbox in his college a cappella group. (I also beatboxed for my college a cappella group, but my parrot prefers his beatboxing over mine.)

The first time we met in-person was at a Humans vs. Zombies nerf gun LARP. I asked him out to dinner a few weeks later and at the end of the evening I said "let me know if you want to do this again" and before I even finished the sentence he said "I want to do this again."

The last time he ate eggs was about twenty years ago, when he ruined a batch of chocolate merengues and then tried to recombine them with the yolks, creating Chocolate Scrambled Eggs. Apparently it was terrible.

[draconym]

Found a full set of furniture while magnet fishing in the harbor. Behold the barnacle throne.

[draconym]

I've been trying to convince my spouse to record an album of the songs he's written because I think they're really good. So far he's written songs about:

how cute his rabbit is

top surgery

dementia

wishing cancer on Elon Musk

cnidarian orifices

that time he accidentally elbowed me in the eye

polyamorous breakup

[draconym]

You know I had to make @adoubtifitbeus into a bunny

[draconym]

Cheese likes music.