#adventures in dispatch

[adventures-in-dispatch]

Conversations that happen 10 minutes before the end of a 14 hour shift...

Me: “This suspect looks like Ben Affleck on meth.”

Coworker: “I can see it a little…”

Me: “No wait! He looks like if Ben Affleck and Adam Sandler had a baby and that baby grew up and did meth. That’s my final answer.”

EDIT: I realized I forgot to tag this with drug mention. Please accept my sincerest apologies for any potential distress this may have caused.

[monstruadelmar-blog]

I hate going to bed at 7-8 in the morning :(((( I feel like such a day waster ever though it is literally the most responsible bed time for me

[adventures-in-dispatch]

Me: "All units in District 4, standby to copy information reference a missing child in beat 16, break." *unkeys the mic for two seconds to give them time to prepare* Them: *Clearing their current calls and self-attaching before I'm even done saying that* Me: (Thinking) I give them 20 minutes before someone finds the kid. Fly, my pretties. I was right, they found the little guy wandering around no more than 15 minutes later. Turns out he wanted to go play with the neighbors' puppy. He left home in his Cookie Monster footie pajamas. My officer came up over the air saying "one Cookie Monster in custody, show us enroute back to his cookie jar." I love these guys.

[monstruadelmar-blog]

Not a lot makes me sad at my job but this 13 year old boy called us because he has problems at home and wanted to talk to an officer about it and now that the officer is there we are calling the kid's family and no one wants to come pick him up. A kid that age with no one but the police to even talk to is just a real bummer

[adventures-in-dispatch]

Shock is a hell of a drug

Me: 911, what is the location of your emergency? RP: I have a son! Me: Sir? What location do you need help at? RP: In my car. Me: Where is your car? RP: [Intersection]. Me: And what's going on in that intersection with your son? RP: He's crying. Me: Is he injured or sick? RP: I don't know, my wife is with him. Umm...he was just born a little bit ago. Me: Sir, did your wife just give birth in the car? RP: Oh yeah, totally. Me: Stay on the line, I'm transferring you to the Fire Department.

[monstruadelmar-blog]

today one of our regulars was going door to door in basketball shorts and a t shirt that didn't even cover his belly button saying he was a detective needing information for a case this is a man who regularly goes #2 in people's yards so I guess he is really behaving today

[adventures-in-dispatch]

I have the best officers

I'm working the information channel tonight and an officer asked for a warrant and license check on a subject he was out with. This is how it went down: Officer: ma'am, may I have a check on a subject last name [last name], first name Ay-Ay-Ron. Common spelling on Ay-Ay-Ron. Me: *Gets the Key & Peele reference and am laughing too hard to say 10-4*

[adventures-in-dispatch]

If you don't think dispatchers have fun with certain calls...

I took a call Saturday night about an intoxicated subject who punched a golf cart driver (golf carts are used in our downtown area to shuttle people from parking areas to the bars quickly). So I asked my RP to give me a description of himself to make him easier for my officers to spot in the crowds. Me: Okay sir, officers are down the street. What are you wearing so they know who they're looking for? RP: I'm wearing a red polo and khakis. Like Jake from State Farm! *giggles* Me: *Small chuckle* okay sir, I'll let the officers know. Just flag them down when you see them, alright? *types "RP wearing red polo and khakis. Says he looks like Jake from State Farm" in the call comments* Dispatcher: Jenn, seriously?! Me: It's in quotes, you have to say it on air! Those are the rules of dispatch! Dispatcher: *Airs my comment exactly as it appears* I got messages from seven separate officers congratulating me on my amusing comments.