#adviceblogged

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I can feel my best friend slipping away from me for a boy.. I always ask her to sleep round and go out but she lies to me so they can like do whatever

then lemme tell you right now, you go and you find around friend to be around because she is clearly not even worth your time if she has to lie to get out of plans with you. dont let her slip away, just drop her like a stone. trust me ive been there and its just such a shit feeling but youve gotta kick it up the ass and just go no im not gunna let you control my feelings like this. anybody else is better than her

-tabi

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right so I am mad about this person they are my world but next year I may be going away for 12 months...I dont know what to do this person is quite literally my first love I just...I am so stumped yeno :(I know this is not exactly a question but ugghh!

well maybe you should wait and see if you're going away first? and even if you, maybe you could find a way to make it work? i know it'll be hard but there's no point in not trying if you know what i mean? don't waste anything on a thought

- Clare

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I've started sort of starving myself, like trying to eat as little as possible, or nothing except dinner because of my parents seeing. Do you have any suggestions as to how to hide it from my friends?

I'm sorry but we really cannot help you here. There is no way I could ever help someone starve themselves, and I'm sure the rest of us here would agree. I strongly suggest you find some other way to lose weight, but healthily. I don't like my weight either and what I do is exercise regularly and eat plenty of fruit (especially smoothies), maybe you could try something similar?

- Clare

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please i really need to get this off my shoulders, im 14 and i drink a lot of alchool and smoke a lot of cigars and sometimes weed but i like it. im not suicidal and i'm 29237489% happy being a bad girl and doing this to myself. bcos im just having fun. i like to party and to not care. people say its wrong, but it isn't, is it?

i know what you mean but you just have to be aware of the risks but if you're prepared to take that then its up to you, but just be careful and ask yourself if you'll regret it when your older? you're quite young to be doing all of that but its your choice at the end of the day x

-Jenny

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How can I hide my cuts and scars from family

You don't. Listen I know you don't wanna hear this but cutting is really, really bad and sure it helps in the short term but in the long term it's hell. Please, don't hide them. You don't have to open right up and tell them right away, (because that's super hard but you might wanna try anyway) just maybe tell them that you're sad/angry/whatever emotion you may be feeling. You can't do this to yourself because it really isn't fair. Try and work up to it. Maybe drop hints here and there. You don't need to just sit them down formally, write a letter or something less direct. They won't be angry/disapointed or anything if that's what you're worrying about. They love you and want to help you.

-Tabi

The obvious option is wearing long sleeves and other suitable clothing that would cover them. Make-up can also work reasonably well but only when the cuts aren’t very recent, red or too bumpy. If you want to try and help them heal quicker, bio oil is really effective. Also, if they’re on your wrists you can wear lots of bracelets.

 ^ No really don't hide them seriously - Tabi

It’s probably really stupid of me to help you hide this from them but I realise that it might be difficult to tell your family. I would advice telling them if there’s any possibility that they could help you in any way but it would be better if you told them yourself rather than them seeing your cuts.

If you want help to try and stop or need to talk about why you do it or anything like that feel free to send us another message or call one of these helplines. It’s really not good to be hurting yourself or to feel like you should so, even if it’s just talking to a close friend or a stranger online, there will be people to help you whenever you need them to. -Nicki

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I was sexually abused when I was younger and the only person I had ever told this to was my girlfriend (I'm also a girl). I thought I was ready to have sex after all this but I wasn't and I told her to stop, I begged her to but she didn't. She keeps calling me but I haven't been answering. She keeps saying how I wanted it and that I liked it. I just don't know what to do. I don't know how to keep going. I don't want to keep fighting anymore, I just don't want to be alive anymore.

Okay well first of all that's such an awful thing to happen and I'm sorry to hear that. However, to do with your girlfriend, what she did was really wrong and technically rape. Liking it has nothing to do with anything, you asked her to stop and she didn't. If you feel like you can't talk to her or deal with what she did I suggest you break up with her because she clearly does not understand what she's done.

I know it's very difficult to deal with things after trauma but from what I've heard I'd say that none of your problems are your own fault. One thing I will tell everyone is that there is no-one on this planet worth hurting yourself for. Don't let other people kill you through words and actions, life for yourself because it's what you deserve. I believe there is a time where everyone can find happiness as long as they are persistent and I really hope you can keep trying until you find it. None of it is easy but it will be worth it, just keep trying and you'll see. 

-Clare

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Hello. I'm kind of desperate - it's just, I feel like noone is able to see me. I'm always being overshadowed by others. I don't understand why my friends let themselves be influenced by my ex-best friend. She's just infuriating. She sees how I am interested in - Idk art, f.e. - and goes on showing off what a good artist she is, that she is so sophisticated, that I'm just a good-for-nothing and everyone will just blindly follow her & do as she says. They don't even notice that she's isolating me.

Well sadly the main reason your friends like her a lot is because they have never been her best friend and do not see her the way you do. If you've been around her more you'll understand her more.

I do think something slightly different from what you think is happening, your friends obviously like you for reasons right? Well maybe this girl sees that too and is trying to be better friends. I know there's every possibility that she's horrible, but you have to realise that you may be seeing her like that because of the past.

If she is being mean to you and isolating you intentionally, you either have to talk to her (which may be awkward or make her worse) or you can make yourself more visible or even point out little things that she's doing to each of their friends. I am not saying isolate her, you clearly know that it's awful but maybe people need to view her more like she is and decide for themselves if they like her? But I would say make yourself more visible because your friends are you friends, don't let your anger at someone else stop that.

-Clare

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I don't know how to come out, help?

Well it depends on the people around you, are you surrounded by people who will be comfortable with the fact that you are gay or not?

If you are then it’s simple, just bring it up in a conversation and make it clear that you’re serious but try not to make a big deal out of it. If you make a big deal out of it then other people will but there’s simply no reason to do that, it’s part of life. Just talk to whoever you would like to tell, they’ll accept it fine if they’re fine with homosexuality okay?

If they aren’t so good with the idea of being gay then unfortunately it’s not going to be easy. Still talk to them about it, but make sure you are very sure (and that may include experimentation; make sure the person you experiment with knows that you are simply experimenting so that you do not lead them on). If they react to it badly there’s nothing you can do except show that you are still the same person, but if they aren’t family (you need family more than you think, please don’t do this to your family unless it’s extreme but I would never advise it) and are friends then you have to accept the fact that maybe you are better without them? 

But seriously, just talk to them about it and I’m sure everything will work our for you.

-Clare

i was gunna say bake a rainbow cake but clares idea works too

-tabi