To Make You Feel My Love
Chapter 2: To Make You Feel My Love Characters: Aerenstraz Featuring: Kalecgos Summary: On Sindragosa's suggestion, Aerenstraz sings from somewhere deeper than the surface of what he feels and finds his feelings heard.
"There ain't nothing that I wouldn't do. Go to the ends of the earth for you. Make you happy, make your dreams come true, To make you feel my love."
Aerenstraz let out a sigh as he finished, setting aside his guitar as he looked out into the snowy night and glad for his natural warmth. He sat in unbroken silence until hearing the the shuffle of a boot against stone. Turning, he found Kalec watching him from the shadows of one of the entry ways. Embarrassed, he turned away, feeling the heat rise through his ears.
"Sindragos sent me to fetch you," Kalec called out, not joining Aerenstraz on the balcony. When Aerenstraz didn't move, he added, "Was that about me?"
"Of course she did. No, it wasn't," Aerenstraz answered sharply, damning the siraculum for her meddling. Taking a deep breath, he shook his head then stood up to face Kalec. Though his rage was stoked, Sindragos had been ultimately right. Nothing would come from holding on to his anger. This was his moment. To free himself from the endless torment of his affection. "That was a lie. It is about you. Every song I've ever sung, in one way or another, has been about or for you."
Kalec looked down, avoiding Aerenstaz's gaze. "I see…"
"Do you?" Aerenstraz asked, walking forward to get out of the wind. "Because I don't think you do Kalec. And that might largely be my fault for being so hot headed and sticking my wing in my mouth every time I get close to saying what I actually mean; but, it has been centuries. I have been burning for you for centuries."
"Aerenstraz-"
"Don't," Aerenstraz interrupted, grabbing Kalec's wrist before bruising his hand across his cheek to move the hair from his eyes. "Don't dismiss the way I feel. It has to be said. Kalec, I-"
"Aeren," Kalec attempted to interrupt again, this time softer.
"Please let me say it. Even if it will only hurt us both. I can't spend the rest of my life without saying the words," Aerenstraz pleaded, voice shaking as he pressed his forehead against the other's. "I made a big show of saying how you need us. How the flights would be there for you, should you stop wrapping yourself in your grief. All of that was true, but the reverse is true too. At least of me. I need to know you are well, and happy. I love you. I always have."
Aerenstraz felt Kalec tremble under his touch. He swallowed then drew his face in close, letting their eyes meet before letting their lips meet. The kiss was brief, Kalec pressing into it but quickly turning his head. Aerenstraz became a pillar, unsure if the movement was a return of his affection, or just a jolt of shock before rejection.
"I'm sorry, Aeren…," Kalec whispered.
Aerenstraz let Kalec go, feeling his veins fill with ice. He took a few steps back, swallowing. He figured it'd make him angry to be rejected. That's usually what happened. Rage would take over, he'd say something, then fly off. Instead he was cold. And heavy. Still, he managed to back his way toward the balcony, staggering really. "No… I am the one who should be sorry. I should have kept it to myself."
Before he thought he could feel any worse, Kalec reached out to grab his wrist, pulling him back into the library. His grip was delicate, even bordered on kind. Maybe even pity. It was killing him.
"No, it should be. On some level, I've known. Or had a thought that might be the case. As you said, I wrap myself in my grief. There was a willful blindness perhaps," Kalec explained, hand sliding down to hold onto Aerenstraz's palm.
"Just tell me to fuck off already," Aerenstraz screamed in the back of his mind, finding himself on the verge of crying like a whelp.
"You have always been my friend. Even when that was a difficult thing to be. Though, you've not always made it easy to be yours," Kalec said, fingers tracing Aerenstraz's palm. "I am of course, flattered by your affection. I would even go so far as saying it makes me happy to hear you put it to words and that passion of yours doesn't always need to manifest itself in rage."
Aerenstraz remained quiet, letting Kalec talk and fiddle with his hand, too heavy now to run. If the light hand holding was all Kalec could give him, then he would accept it. Memorize the feeling of the smaller fingers tracing along the lines of his palm. He'd keep the memory forever, if it was the only thing he was getting out of it.
"I don't know if I can return your feelings in the way you want," Kalec continued, tightening the grip on Aerenstraz before he could pull away. "In this moment. Restoring the Oathstone and defeating the Primalist has to come first. What comes after…we will have to see. It feels unfair to ask, especially when the result might not be what you hope, but could you be patient? Just for a bit longer?"
That was better than he could hope for. Aerenstraz closed his eyes tight, re-gripping Kalec's hand. "If I must," he huffed, opening his eyes and looking away so the other couldn't see the mix of embarrassing emotions he was cycling. "One more kiss and I will find myself satiated until this current conflict sees its end. I'll even stick around to see it through. Maybe help clear the cob webs for you, or get some groupies to do it," he asked, trying to stay light hearted.
Kalec shuddered slightly, though Aerenstraz figured, hoped, it was from the light teasing about potential spiders hiding about the halls. "You may kiss me. Once, and briefly," he said, standing still for Aerenstraz.
He stared for a moment, watching Kalec with his head tilted up toward him. This was a step forward. A step close to something he'd coveted for so long. He stepped forward, letting their bodies meet before lowering his head down, taking his prize slowly, not daring to part his lips too much less the urge to deepen it take root. Kalec squeezed his wrist but didn't rebuff him. The other's lips quivered, maybe out of instinct to invite more, but Aerenstraz held to their agreement.
He withdrew slowly, keeping his face a breath away as he watched Kalec slowly open his eyes. "Are you satisfied?" Kalec asked in an embarrassed whisper.
No. Of course he wanted more. "It will have to last me until you let me try again. I imagine you were doing something important before we were set up? I'll leave you to it and go find our Champion and hurry him along," Aerenstraz said, turning to wander back out onto the balcony to collect his guitar.
"Are you sure that is all?" Kalec asked evenly.
Aerenzstraz turned, raising a brow. "What? I told you how I felt. I'm not going to keep saying it. Especially if you're not inclined to be saying it back any time soon but… Yeah, you know," he huffed, putting his guitar on his back. "Though if you insist I'll walk right back in there and press you against the shelves."
Kalec took a step back, fumbling a bit with the jewel on his chest. "I merely meant to point out we were parting company amicably for the first time that I can remember," he pointed out with a little laugh.
"Heh. Screw you Kalec," Aerenstraz chuckled, giving him his sense of normalcy before transforming into his drake form and taking off to search for his companions.