Poetic Thoughts about my body.
Naturally, scientifically, it tries to protect me from pain. This lends itself to my self-destructive tendencies, and conflicts with my physical body’s crusade to destroy itself from the inside out. In my brain there is always rain.
It tries so hard to self-regulate and help me live my best life and be proud. Actually, my body tries so hard to protect me that it misidentifies itself as a threat, selects its target and decks me.
I’ve been unraveling since my arthritis diagnosis at around 13. To cite my favorite band, Fit For a King, “I can’t find the help I need. Let this destroy me.”
It will continue to do so. I should like to be destroyed in many ways. But life is beautiful.
Things I wanted to Google today:
- Jacuzzi suit
- How to unscrew limbs
- How much of this pill is lethal
- Temporary surgical ear removal
- Permanent muscle removal
- How to make it stop
- How long without water do you need Emergency care
- Reduce facial inflammation
- Why does Gatorade hurt my stomach
- Why do clothes hurt
- Can I take half of two different antihistamines together
- Hypermobility and fibromyalgia
- Full body heating pad
- When to see a neurologist
My body has been screaming at me to take better care of it. I’m sorry, I love you, we are both doing our best.
My body has been screaming at me in pain because of the new ways I’m taking care of it. I’m disappointed, I hate you, we are both trying our best.
I need rest.
