#aftergapyear

[mindheartsoul7]

One Year in Numbers

364 days 5 countries 44.732 km in the air 12.613 km on the road 324 km on the water

[mindheartsoul7]

Die Heimkehr – Returning Home

It’s pretty hard for me to write about it, because I had many feelings and it is very personally. My best friend described it very well: roller coaster of feelings. The last two days was cloudy and rainy in Long Beach. It made the farewell easier. But what it doesn’t made it easier were all this great people which I met. There is this proverb which come in my mind: Always leave them wanting more (Immer muss man dann gehen wenn es am schönsten ist). I didn’t wanted to leave. I wanted to go outside and don’t wear big jackets. I wanted to drive along the beach and palm trees. I wanted to feel the sun on my skin. I wanted to speak English every day.

A friend brought me to the airport. The guy behind the check-in ask me where I’m going. Vienna. After the check-in I ate my last american pizza and was wondering how one year can go so fast over. How? I thought about when I left Tanzania and New Zealand it was always the same on airports, I wanted to cry. But this time, it worse, I wanted to scream. Every time I went to a unknown country, my future was unknown, my journey was unknown. And this is what made it exciting. But now I’m going back to my home country. Where I know the language, the area, the people, the weather,…  All this didn’t provoke positive emotions. I was afraid. I finished my Pizza (almost) and continued my way to the security check. As I waited in the line I saw a huge art construction hanging from the ceiling. Suddenly I felt completely emptiness, to distract me from my feelings and thoughts, I listened to the conversation of the family before me.

I’m sitting in the airplane, chat with friends on the phone until a crew member told me to switch to airplane mode. No, no, no I don’t want to leave, I didn’t finished, I didn’t finished my journey.

The whole 10 hours flight I couldn’t sleep, I didn’t even was tired. I watched one movie after another. I just wanted to keep my mind away from the sadness which come over me. As I arrived in London I felt pretty bad. Suddenly, I got tired. I had to find a cafe shop.

At the next two hours flight I felt the sunbeams on my face, luckily I had this window place and I could sleep most of the time. Before we landed I woke up. We got down, through the cloud covers. As I saw the gray and brown fields I didn’t felt to land here. I shouldn’t stay here, I didn’t feel of going home. It didn’t feel like my home.

We flew over Vienna, I recognized the DC-Tower and the „Seestadt“. I wasn’t ready to go home, not now, I'm not ready. This airplane should land somewhere else, somewhere where it is more beautiful.

I arrived safely in Vienna. German, German, German, everybody next to me speaks German. I had to think how do I order food in German, I had to think how I communicate in German. Is it really my mother tongue? It sounds terrible. I don’t want to hear it.

Now after almost a week I’m already get used to almost everything here. German don’t sound that stupid anymore (even if I still prefer English), manual driving is not that difficult after one year only automatic and even the cold isn’t that bad. My family told me I go a better driver, I look refreshed, but I got some more kilos (yes, this is unavoidable in the USA). The only thing which I will miss always is the open times of shops. In this point and in some others Austria is very conservative. The landscape doesn’t seem „wow“ for me, also if it’s one of the most beautiful parts of Austria. But I was at the most beautiful parts of New Zealand. So here there a just other snow covered mountains.