the way his attention shifts whenever your group and his overlap. he’s polite with everyone, but with you he’s careful in a different way. measured. aware of how he stands, how he speaks, how he looks. it annoys him that he can’t control it.
you carry the kind of responsibility he respects. co leader of a massive group, older, experienced, calm in ways he’s still learning to be. it makes him feel both pulled in and slightly intimidated. he hates that too.
he studies you without realizing he’s doing it. the way you talk to staff. how you handle pressure without letting it show on your face. how you tease your members like you’re scolding and comforting them at the same time. he finds himself copying small things, like your breathing pattern before stepping onstage or the way you ground your thoughts before speaking.
being around you makes him straighten his posture and watch his words. he feels younger in your presence, not because you treat him that way, but because you’re the kind of person he wants to impress. the age gap isn’t big, but it’s enough that he feels it. enough that he thinks twice before saying something dumb.
he hates how obvious he probably looks. san already teases him whenever your group’s name comes up. yeosang watches him with that smug knowing expression. wooyoung tells him he acts like he’s in a historical drama. he denies all of it while privately accepting they’re right.
when you greet him, he feels it in his chest first.
you always use his name in full, voice warm, eyes focused in a way that makes him think you’re actually present when you talk to him, not just being polite. he thinks that might be part of why he fell for you. so many people treat idols like moving parts. you treat him like a person.
he wonders if liking you is inappropriate. intergroup crushes are complicated. you being older adds another layer. he doesn’t want to cross a line or make you uncomfortable. but he respects you too much to let it turn into anything messy. so he holds it quietly.
quiet doesn’t mean shallow.
he notices your laugh before he hears it. he notices when you’re tired even if you hide it. he notices when you fix someone’s mic pack without making a show of it. he likes the parts of you that fans don’t always get to see. the leadership that isn’t loud, the patience that takes effort, the maturity that doesn’t make you distant.
if anything, liking you makes him want to grow up a little faster.
not to catch up to you but to stand beside you in a way that would make sense.
he knows you’d never guess any of this.
the way he keeps his eyes down a second too long. the way he tries to act normal and ends up stiffer. the way his heart kicks up when you say his name.
he keeps the crush safe, quiet, tucked in the space between admiration and longing.
and if, one day, you looked at him that way first, he knows he’d fall even faster.
Deep thoughts behind this Finnish girl- intro post. ❀
Hello, my name is Eve and I'm from Finland. Not my first account here, and I'm hoping to talk to nice people and share stuff about me.
I enjoy posting what I write. I'm very much a beginner in writing, but I really enjoy doing it sometimes. I mostly write about feelings and experiences. I'm hoping that someone would be interested in what I write, and I enjoy getting respectful feedback.
I also post more personal thoughts and things about my life, and opinions whenever I feel like it.
I post stuff about older guys as well. I'm into older guys through trauma and daddy issues. Not to mention that they're somehow really comforting.
Safe to say that my account is not for people who don't accept age gaps, are sensitive to more realistic content, and writing, and also other struggles.
Either way, that's all for now. I hope you have a good day! ❦︎
