#agent 012

[onebloodybigship]

“So it's just fancy Mac‘n‘Cheese.“

“For the love of god, just because there is cheese in a sauce doesn't mean it's Mac‘n‘Cheese, James.“

“In any case, it is disgracefully American.“

“Gorgonzola is an Italian cheese.“

Of course, Felix does love his country's national dish, but one might just argue that Mac‘n‘Cheese isn‘t exactly the meal to make one appear … sophisticated and competent in an official context. To fix this, Felix came up with a very easy solution: A different kind of cheese.

Ingredients:

400g Penne (or any Pasta, really)

200g Gorgonzola

A Bit of Cream

Butter

Salt & Pepper

Optional: Dried Sage

1. Boil your pasta in water with a pinch of salt. Then, cut your gorgonzola into neat squares to help them with melting.

2. Melt butter in a pan, and roast a few leaves of dried sage in it. Add the gorgonzola, and keep stirring it as it melts.

3. Add a bit of your pasta water as well as the cream. At this point, you might want to season your sauce, but since gorgonzola has quite a strong taste, you might be fine with just salt and pepper.

4. Drain the water from your pasta, and add the pasta to your pan with sauce. Mix it and serve with a bit of crumpled sage atop.

I hope you love this as much as I do :)

[onebloodybigship]

Bill’s Cinnamon Rolls

The first thing Bill Tanner ever baked for his wife Ruth were cinnamon rolls, following the recipe his mom had taught him - they ended up being somewhat charred, but Ruth liked them anyway, so Bill did them again, and again, and again, until he had baking them down to an art.

Nowadays, it is not too uncommon for plates of cinnamon rolls to appear on Eve’s desk on the morning of a day that promises to be stressful, or next to one of Q’s projects that has been nagging him lately. Snacks are important, after all!

Ingredients

Dough:

450g Flour

75g Sugar

1/2 Tbsp Cinnamon

A Pinch of Salt

Packet of dry Yeast / 25g Fresh Yeast

75g Butter

250ml Milk

Filling:

75g Butter

75g Sugar

2 Tbsp Cinnamon

You should be able to use any kind of flour, sugar and milk. I used brown sugar and spelt wholemeal flour for example, that’s why my cinnamon rolls turned out a bit darker :) But depending on your ingredients, your dough may rise less or take longer to bake, so keep that in mind.

1. Mix the flour, sugar, cinnamon and salt for the dough in a mixing bowl. Make a mold and place the room temperature butter inside of it. Add yeast and milk. Mix and knead everything until the dough is smooth, elastic, and tacky (but not sticky). Let it rest for about an hour.

2. In the meantime, melt the butter for the filling and add in the sugar and cinnamon. Let it heat up at medium heat for a while and then take the mix of the stove to cool down. Upon cooling down, the texure will become thicker.

3. Roll out the dough into a rectangle, spread out the sugar-cinnamon mixture on top of it and roll it up to a ... roll, exactly. Now cut your roll into about 10-16 pieces.

4. If you want your cinnamon rolls to be even more fluffy, let them sit underneath an towel for another 30 minutes or so. Turn on your oven and bring the heat up to about 230°C.

5. Bake your cinnamon rolls for about 10 minutes, and let them sit and cool down for a bit afterwards. Enjoy! :)

[onebloodybigship]

Mission Report: Cat-astrophe

A mission report based on the prompt “Please, would you give me your wallet, it’s for a good cause”. Includes cat-related shenanigans :’)

“Q is going to murder us.“ “Don‘t worry, M will take care of that before Q ever has the chance to.“ Bond and Tanner were standing in front of the wooden panels of M‘s office door, and they were currently facing a … situation. Said situation was hissing on the other side of the door, apparently trying to claw her way to freedom, ruining all furniture unfortunate enough to be standing in her way.

Originally, Bond had been on cat-sitting duty for Cleopatra down in Q-Branch. He had been sneaking around the workshops without a good reason for a few days now to avoid the accumulating paper work and mission reports that were waiting for him, and since Q had been called up to some meeting rather abruptly, he had decided to put the other man to work before he got too bored and subsequently did something stupid.

It had all looked quite easy, considering Cleopatra had barely opened her green eyes when he had greeted her before Q left. Hell, she hadn‘t even left her cat bed for the first hour, just turning and stretching now and then. But at 11:35 some gadget in development had exploded, and then everything had sort of gone to shit.

Rather instinctively, Bond had gone to check up if everything was quite alright and to maybe put a fire or two out, but of course an explosion was barely an inconvenience for Q‘s minions, and the faulty gadget had been taken care of before he even arrived. No, the real problem started once he had returned to Q‘s desk and the bloody cat had gone and vanished. Bond could have sworn his heart had skipped a few beats. The next twenty minutes had been a blur of him checking every single corner of Q-Branch and asking visibly bewildered employees if they maybe had happened to see a flash of black fur scurry past them – until Tanner had called him, positively panicking, and asked him why Q‘s cat was locked inside M‘s office, possibly cutting their future budget considerably short in raging against her unfair imprisonment. Gathered in front of Moneypenny's desk Tanner and Bond had (probably) figured out how Cleopatra had gotten herself locked in: Heading out for a meeting (the same that Q currently was in), M had left the office still talking to Tanner, and Cleopatra, god knows how she got up to the office in the first place, had simply used the distraction and slipped inside. M had locked the door, and Tanner had returned a few minutes later to pick up some documents he had left on Moneypenny's desk just to hear screeching of a terribly disgruntled queen. “If M was annoyed about Q bringing his cats to work before, he’s going to be pissed about it after the cats ruined the bloody furniture, James.“ “I am literally going to break the door open, I cannot explain to Q I accidentally lost his cat. He will make me sleep on the couch.“ “James, I swear to god, if you try to body slam that door, I am not taking you to medical when you break your arm-“ The door to the outer office cracked open and the two of them froze in place, pure horror painted on their faces, as Moneypenny entered. “James, Bill?“ M‘s office announced its presence via hiss, and Moneypenny's eyebrows shot up: “Is that Cleopatra?“ Bill smiled nervously, more teeth than lips; Bond didn‘t even try to hide how sheepish he felt about their little cat-astrophe: “She sort of got locked inside, and she is probably destroying M‘s favourite armchair. I don‘t suppose you just happen to have a second key to the office?“ Hanging her coat onto the hanger next to her desk, Moneypenny sighed and looked as though she might just let them down and make them suffer through this crisis entirely on their own. Fortunately, she decided to take pity on her friends. Smoothing out her skirt, she stepped up to them, holding out her hand: “Please, would you give me your wallet?“, Tanner blinked twice with visible confusion, and Moneypenny smiled lopsided: “It's for a good cause.“ Depositing his wallet into her open palm, Tanner was still trying to figure out how his friend, talented as she was, was going to open a door with his wallet – but she merely opened it to take out one of his cards and then threw the wallet laxly onto her desk, almost hitting Bond, who was leaning onto it in attentive interest, straight across the face. Moneypenny strode over to the door, inserted the card into the slit between frame and door and slid it down, and then she bent, and bent, bent the card until – pop! The door sprung open. Out marched Cleopatra, winding and purring around Moneypennys legs. Eve bent down to pet her for a few seconds before the paws carried on and over to Bond, at whom she proceeded to stare in open contentment at her mischief. Bill was still stuck on his friend's little trick: “That was honestly impressive.“ “I can‘t believe basic lock picking is something that still gets you“, Moneypenny smirked and tossed the card onto the wallet still sitting on her desk before settling into her chair, sparing the two of them a last glance before starting to work on the few documents waiting for her in neat order: “Bill, you should probably check if Cleopatra destroyed something in there, shouldn‘t you?“ And Bill wanted to do just that, but the door screeched a second time and in came – M, and Bond had already gathered Cleopatra into his arms and hid her – much to her disdain – under his jacket. Better leave now than never. Passing a startled looking M, he all but stormed out of the office and muttered something along the lines of “Thank you again for your assistance, Eve“.

Then the door fell shut.

He was barely in the elevator when he heard a furious M ask why his paperwork was shredded. He should really pay Bill's lunch next time they ate out, Bond thought to himself as the elevator doors closed and Cleopatra started clawing at his chest.

[onebloodybigship]

The first time it happened was about two weeks after Bond had moved in with Q. He‘d been woken up in the middle of the night by noise somewhere in their flat. Before he could think about it, Bond had been up on his feet. Walther in hand, he stalked towards their intruder. Light was shining out from behind the kitchen door — and there was rustling of … cutlery? Bond frowned, but advanced — he pushed open the door — And there was — Q! Q turned around and squinted at him against the bright light. “James?“

Bond shoved the gun behind his back immediately. Q‘s hair was a mess atop his head and the bags underneath his eyes looked close to a human rights violation. He had almost threatened Q with the gun the man himself had built. Bond felt the sheepishness creep into his cheekbones. Charming. “James, is that the Walther -“ “What are you still doing up, its — uh, 2 in the morning?“ The dashes on the clock were swimming in front of his eyes, but at least he had lead Q‘s attention away from the gun behind his back. “‘m making mug cake.“ “What?“ “Cake in a cup, in a mug, James?“ Bond wanted to throw up his hands in disgust, but he couldn‘t risk it, or it might really ruin the mood. Still, Q saw the disgust on his face, and his eyes suddenly cleared off tiredness, just so he could properly wrinkle his nose in disdain. “Bring the Walther back to the bedroom, and I‘m making us both mug cakes. You are being too snobbish for your own good. You are missing out.“ Q had been right, and that night started James‘ and Q‘s strange late night mug cake tradition.

Q’s Brownie Mug

Ingredients

2 tbsp. Flour

1 tbsp. Sugar

Some Baking Powder

2 tbsp. unsweetened Cacoa powder

Some Milk

Some Neutral Plant-based Oil

Optional: 1 egg, a spoon of Chocolate Creme

Mix all the ingredients until you reach a syrup like texture. You could add in an egg and use less milk and oil, but it works without eggs as well :) The spoon of chocolate or chocolate creme is gonna give you that nice liquid chocolate if you put it in as the last thing. Put in the microwave for about 1:30 minutes.

Bond’s Blueberry Muffin Mug

Ingredients

2 tbsp. Flour

1 tbsp. Sugar

Some Baking powder

Some Milk

Maybe some Oil, again.

Fresh/Frozen Blueberries

Mix all the ingredients and add the blueberries as the very last thing, and put into the microwave for 1:30 minutes as well :)

[onebloodybigship]

Scavenger Hunt #61

Participate in an artists’ round robin with your teammates:

For @teamdoubleoh‘s #61 we present: Larry and Hiss are feeling traumatized about their flight from Macau and the indignities of xrays, and are offended at the investigation of their poop. Thus, Swipe has gone rage-monstery on their behalf. Our superheroes James and Q and tanks aren't going to be able to fix this. They're going to need Tanner to soothe the beast.

Foreground by @1amvengeance

Details & Background by @anyawen & @fallingintomagic​

Colouring by me lmao

[onebloodybigship]

Team Villains, a playlist by Sina. on Spotify

A Playlist Best Enjoyed Whilst Being Quite Dramatically Evil. // A Team Villains Playlist for 007 Fest 2020.

A playlist for our @teamofvillains, suitably pompous for lavish lairs and grandiose plans of world domination. After all, it’s quite important to intimidate your insolent agents with a dramatic entrance and a flair for sinister sway. Roughly sorted from upbeat to grounded.

Mr. Pinstripe Suit // Big Bad Voodoo Daddy

(Fuck A) Silver Lining // Panic! At The Disco

Hypnotic // Zella Day

Glory and Gore // Lorde

Absinthe // IDKHOW

Own Me // bülow

R.I.P. 2 My Youth // The Neighbourhood

Cigar // Tamino

you should see me in a crown // Billie Eilish

Everybody Wants To Rule The World // Lorde

I hope you enjoy the playlist :)

[onebloodybigship]

The Importance of Being A Bond Villain

Here’s your Meta on your importance @teamofvillains... Hope you enjoy it enough to return our minion to us!

The good, the bad and the mediocre: Between Dr.No, the various Blofelds, and Dominic Greene, the James Bond movies have had it all. And whilst our dear British agent is, of course, always the focal point of his stories, there is a point to be made about the importance of Bond villains.

Firstly, Bond villains – whether campy or more sober – are usually at least half of the fun of any Bond movie. With their truly outlandish lairs such as islands, underwater laboratories, volcanos or even bloody spaceships, villains usually contribute at least a major part of the fun visually and set-wise. Plus, some of them come with pretty neat henchmen and positively atrocious torture devices. Thus, they add an undeniable splash of colour to any Bond movie – because even if Bond may quip and snark, it sadly just isn‘t as fun as a grand villain monologue. Furthermore, a lot of Bond movies and novels hold a surprising amount of cultural relevance. It has by now often been noted that Bond villains portray the fears and anxieties of their era. This is more evident in the earlier movies than it is nowadays, but it still holds true, mostly. Now, saying that might sound somewhat outrageous at first, but do consider: During the cold war, most of our villains were somehow part of or related to the Soviet union. Considering the absolute divide and contradicting ideologies and propaganda fueled hate between East and West, it does makes sense that Soviet Villains are seen as the greatest possible threat by Western audiences. In recent years, our enemies aren‘t as clearly defined anymore. Casino Royale gave Le Chiffre links to terrorism instead of the Soviet SMERSH, because in 2006, a world after 9/11, terrorism is a much more real anxiety than the threat of the long gone Soviet Union. Skyfall did it as well, it just wasn‘t the main focus of the story: Our newest threat and fear is cyberterrorism, it‘s modern, it‘s real, and after the 2010 Stuxnet virus, it works. Bond villains thus serve as translators and mediators of former generations’ fears. Lastly, most Bond movies wouldn‘t work well without a larger-than-life antagonist. Now, without any villain, they wouldn‘t work at all, of course. What‘s Bond gonna do if there is no one to fight? Binge drink? Hang around Q-Branch? Annoy M? Go on a spa vacation (oh wait, he did that once)? None of that makes for a incredibly exciting movie, if we are being honest. In Bond movies, instead of internal factors or external circumstances, villains are the force that pushes conflict and thus makes the movie worth watching. For some Bonds, a rather dramatic Villain is necessary to create a believable and interesting conflict, especially if they are leaning more towards dramatic themselves; and for some Bonds that are painted more human, less dramatic Villains suffice, hence why something small scale like Casino Royale worked with Craig’s Bond. In any case, it is quite evident that if our main villain doesn‘t work, the movie itself cannot work: Point in case, Quantum of Solace and Dominic Greene. Because Greene is underwritten, he just comes off… sad and pathetic during most of the movie, so why should the viewer feel threatened by him? And if the viewer can‘t believe the threat, they won‘t believe the conflict and then the entire movie sort of goes to shit. In that sense, villains are crucial for Bond movies. They are what makes the movies, in the end, along with Bond himself. And beyond all, one has to admit: Bond villains have had almost as much cultural impact on most of us as Bond himself had, especially those as iconic as Blofeld (ah, white cats, right?). Without them, Bond movies wouldn‘t work, with them – if they are well-written – the movies are a hell of a time.

[onebloodybigship]

One of the few things James Bond remembers from his early childhood in Scotland is the warm smell of pudding weaving through the cold wet walls of Skyfall on freezing winter days. At first, Semolina Pudding had been created by his mom to bribe him into eating his stew, but it soon became something she liked to serve to their guests and friends when they came by. Soon, this easy dessert had a new name in their circles: Skyfall (Semolina) Pudding. James, to this very day, knows the recipe by heart.

Ingredients (for four portions)

~800ml Milk

~90g (Soft Wheat) Semolina

4-5 tbsp. Sugar

 Put your milk into a pot and start heating it. Add sugar.

 Once the milks starts boiling, add in the semolina and stirr continuously. Keep stirring, because otherwise you will get chunks of semolina. Also, your pudding might get burnt!

 Wait until the pudding is boiling again, then take it off the heat. After a few minutes, it should start thickening. If it isn‘t (or even if it is) put it back on the heat and let it boil again. Stirr occasionally.

Once your pudding has a medium syrupy texture, pour it into a bowl. If you want to avoid a skin forming atop, put some plastic wrap directly onto the pudding :)

This recipe is for @teamofvillains​, since they have kidnapped one of our dear minions and demand recipes in return - truly insidious. I hope you all like it :)