#aging fiercely

[gothiccharmschool]

Peeps. PEEPS. My 50th is in less than two weeks!!!

Eeeeee!

[gothiccharmschool]

Hello, fine lines anon again. I don't think you got my last message, I heard there have been glitches causing asks to be deleted, so I'll try writing this again. First, thank you so much for answering my last ask. Also, I typically wear sunscreen when I have no makeup on because it's easy to reapply but only moisturizer with SPF 15 under my makeup. I honestly have a hard time working it into my makeup routine. I've tried setting powders with SPF but they oxidize too much.

 JI’m in the midst of writing a Gothic Charm School post about this sort of thing, but here, have a preview idea from it! ::grin::

 I use sunscreens that have a mattefying effect, such as Biore SPF 50 Aqua Rich. I’ve heard good things about the La Roche-Posay Anthelios products.

I use a BB cream foundation with sunblock over that. My favorite is Missha Perfect Cover.

During really sunny weather (or when I go to Disneyland), I set all of that with Jane Iredale Powder Me sunscreen. Which is almost $50 a container, but it works, and a container easily lasts me through two summers.

[gothiccharmschool]

Beatrix Ost

Photography: Ari Seth Cohen

[gothiccharmschool]

Elder Goths: When Growing Up Doesn't Mean Abandoning Your Favorite Youth Culture | Broadly

"We are the first and second generations to age into goth, and we have to stand up and say that there is room for older women in this subculture."

Myself and a bunch of other Eldergoth women were interviewed for this article!

(Photo by the magnificent @kambriel )

[cattyfantastic]

What's stopping me?

This year of one bizarre injury after another has been different in one particular way: in the past, when dealing with an injury, I continued to do most things but most especially yoga.

Of course, when my foot was in a boot, yoga really wasn't an option. But then when I was done with the boot and done with physical therapy, I didn't dive back in. But my foot never really felt like it was fully healed; and then my thumb and wrist decided to get in on the game.

I found myself banned from all the things: ballet/dancing, rowing (which I started after I couldn't run); lifting weights; yoga; road cycling.

I was thinking about this other day, well, it's more accurate to say I was brooding and sulking the other day and, in the midst of my self-talk I thought - why did I stop yoga and ballet? I mean, when I was in the middle of PT for my shoulder, I still went to class. Albeit modifying but still going to vinyasa. Last year, when I borked my hip flexor and psoas, I still went to class and then signed into the zoom sessions when everything shutdown.

I think that once I got out of the habit (foot in boot), and it wasn't the cornerstone of my routine like it had been, I kind of ... forgot about it? Especially as going to the studio still wasn't an option at the time.

I also came to the conclusion in this broody/moody/sulky self talk session that maybe not doing yoga and to a lesser extent, ballet, anymore might be contributing to some of the issues popping up?

Granted, these are significant injuries that I shouldn't exacerbate but I can already feel how the things I can do (swim, freestyle/crawl only, and stationary cycle) are starting to cause repetitive motion issues. Hi there, shoulders!

My yoga studio has been open since June; same with my dance studio. At that time, I wasn't released yet from foot PT. I've gotten used to not spending the chunk of money I used to shell out every month for unlimited classes for yoga. Gas is really expensive right now and I've also gotten very used to limited driving during the pandemic.

While I miss my teachers, I only miss classes in an abstract way? I see them on IG and think, "that looks lovely" but I'm not clamoring to get back to class.

I realized, too, that I let myself believe that I couldn't/shouldn't move that way. Maybe I need to challenge that a bit. Start slow, at home, but start. Because I have a sneaky suspicious that this is going to be the issue going forward: managing. Managing what I can do in any given activity. Running is probably out forever. Probably.

The rest? I guess I'll have to find out.

[gothiccharmschool]

Auntie Jilli, how can I develop a better self-image? I'm a wee bit older than you, but the treatment for a recent medical diagnosis has dried my skin out horribly, and dumped 20 years worth of wrinkles on my face despite my best efforts, including reapplying moisturizer multiple times per day. The upshot is I can't see myself except as a dry, wrinkled crone and it's super depressing. Any sage advice?

Oh, that must be infuriating. Medical treatments that come with negative side effects are so frustrating! 

Firstly, the things I’m sure you’re doing: drinking enough water, eating enough healthy fats, fruits, veggies, all that good stuff. Keep doing that, and keep applying the moisturizer. 

You may want to do an aspirin mask (aspirin soaked in water, mashed up with plain yogurt and honey) a few times a week, as a super-mild acidic peel.

You say you’re a wee bit older than me: You are old enough not to give a fuck! About anything you don’t want to! HELL YES, YOU ARE OLDER AND THAT’S AWESOME. 

Those wrinkles mean you have survived whatever the medical diagnosis was, and that is also awesome. Would you rather not have a visible reminder of what happened? Of course. But try to look at them as a sign of success instead of fretting over them.

There is huge, HUGE power in the crone image. Wisdom, knowledge, life-experience, and knowing how to better navigate all the nonsense life throws at you.

Our culture’s obsession with youth is exasperating and damaging. Your worth is not tied into how youthful you appear, and if someone tries to make you feel otherwise, cackle in their face, then strut away.

[gothiccharmschool]

Iris Apfel interviewed by New York Times.

You're celebrated by designers for your eccentric style, but many of those same people tend to dress in low-profile ways. Why do you think that is? 

I mean, lots of people pay lip service to it, but they won't wear it. They're afraid. You gotta know yourself very well, and you have to be honest with what you can pull off. If you're not comfortable with it, no matter how marvelous the outfit is, you're gonna look like a jerk, because you're gonna be so uncomfortable. I think, given a choice, it's better to be unstylish but happy.

Have you heard of "normcore"?

Normcore? What's that?

Basically, wearing the simplest, most lowbrow design possible. It's fashionable anti-fashion. 

Oh, please. I have nothing to do with that.

[gothiccharmschool]

So you know, peeps: I really did find the "ages you" comment hilarious. Thank you for the nice things a bunch of you have said in response, but know that I honestly did cackle at the comment. 

I'm 45. I don't care what may or may not "age" my looks! The only thing I care about: do I look the way I want to at that moment? Yes? Excellent.