“Getting older ain’t easy”. My dad would often say that when I was growing up, and like most things your parents tell you, I didn’t take it too seriously. But 30ish years later, I started to appreciate those words of wisdom. I was a college baseball player, the ladies were all over me, and I actually had hair on my head and not everywhere else. But now I can barely throw a baseball around with my son without an ache or pain. And with him about to go off to college and play baseball, it was like he was reliving my golden days.
So with father’s day and my birthday coming up, another great reminder of my age, I decided to get something for myself. I happened across an internet ad, big letters flashing “Age Burner!” Initially thought it’d be some type of scam supplement or something. But I ordered it and a few days later, a small package arrived with a single pill. I had half a mind to throw it out, but I already spent the money. I took the pill right before I went to bed as instructed, and had the best sleep of my life. When I woke up the next morning, I immediately noticed a difference. No aches or pains! My skin felt youthful and firm. No hair anywhere but my head! I ran to the mirror and was shocked- it was like time was turned back and I was my old 19-year old self. I could barely keep my hands off my firm pecs and my abs. I even flexed to show off my guns. It felt so good to be back.
After some time, I rummaged through my closet and found my old baseball glove, a grin forming on my face. I knew what I wanted to do. I wanted to play ball with my son, show him what his old man was capable of back in his youth. I ran over to his room, excited to spend the day with him when my heart sunk. The man sitting in my son’s bed looked nothing like him: bald, hairy, a small flabby gut sitting between his legs. He looked up at me, a handful of his gut in his hand, too shocked to say anything.
After the initial shock subsided, and my son had two cups of coffee, we went and investigated. The pill does in fact burn away age, almost like a fat loss supplement. But that age had to go somewhere and in this case, it all went to my son. Reversal should be easy enough, he would just need to take the pill too. The problem was the pill was on back order for at least a few months- apparently it was very popular and the company was having a hard time keeping up their supply.
It’s been a few weeks without them taking any new orders, but my son seems to be adjusting well. He’s enjoyed keeping up with lawn care and found himself a construction job. And the other day, he offered to fire up the grill for me and my new buddies from the baseball team. I even came home and found him sipping a beer on the patio and laughing with a few of his new work buddies. I'm just happy he's happy. To tell you the truth, the longer things stay like this, the more I wonder if we’ll want to go back. I for damn sure know my answer.
