Jan 12
Father Winter said "get that fire exit door, I've McFucken had it with these entitled little shits!" and joined Siobhan's (mother of five) child-free gang.
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Father Winter said "get that fire exit door, I've McFucken had it with these entitled little shits!" and joined Siobhan's (mother of five) child-free gang.
“I… my finger slipped,” Siobhan offered weakly, her attempt at justification dying mid-air.
The truth was she’d been absolutely juiced when she stumbled across Surelu’s ‘It’ll Do’ Liquidations online. Why wouldn’t an ex-display 1980s Tartosan Space Frog bedroom set be a good idea? Delivery and fitting included. Redecorating thrown in. It was practically charity. Sure, it wasn’t the familiar cosy vibe of their old room—but it certainly had character.
Mikel stared at the alien bedroom, genuinely stunned into silence by this unexpected development. Still… he supposed he’d learn to live with it.
Finishing her homework early did have its advantages. While her siblings were indoors regretting their decision to play in the snow until sunset, Clementine stood outside in full inconspicuous spy drag, waiting for her nine o’clock contact.
“Oh, for fuck’s sake…” she muttered as Lord Farquaad Landgraab approached, looking very much like a Dragon Age NPC.
“What?” he demanded. “You told me to wear a disguise. Nobody is going to recognise me in this!”
Clementine rolled her eyes and silently thanked the Watcher that Lord Farquaad had chosen to forgo the codpiece that accompanied this particular outfit.
A waiter, who had grown increasingly horror-struck by the conversation, appeared beside them to take their orders.
“About time,” Bryant snapped, still staring at the menu. “I’ll have the Henford Burger, well done, with a side of chips.”
“And I’ll have the...” Clementine began.
“She’ll have the superfood salad,” Bryant cut in smoothly. “Can’t have you getting fat if you’re going to be my girlfriend, Satsuma, baby!”
The waiter froze.
Clementine swallowed her rage with a calm that even she was surprised by.
“Oh, you’re so right,” she crooned. “I’m so lucky to have you, baby.”
Keely returned home from a perfectly nice night, still floating a little, calmer than she’d felt in weeks.
“There’s a whole other sofa!” Clementine screeched. “Why do you have to sit next to me?”
Keely sighed. Clemmy had been in a foul mood all day and she knew exactly why.
“Clemmy, just because Mum caught you watching Sizzling Hostility again and put a child lock on your account doesn’t mean you have to be a raging bitch. If you were nicer to me, I might let you use mine…” Keely smiled sweetly.
“Liar…”
“Guess I’ll just have to find out what happens to Blane and Yevgeny myself,” Keely said, smirking.
Clementine’s eye twitched.
Back at home, Clementine was plotting. Evilly.
The next phase of operations required her to successfully crash Keely’s prom. She had already secured her outfit - her mum’s little green dress (one chromosome away from a handkerchief) - currently hidden under her bed.
However.
There were… complications.
Two of them.
Fortunately, she knew exactly who could help.
Clemencrime: r u up bestie? jordiliciousofficial: just! cordie is having a panic attack about boys. Clemencrime: i no u helped her with a problem… i was wondering if u… jordiliciousofficial: girl is this about your boobs? cordie was a challenge but this is straight up watcher level shit
Clementine hissed at her screen.
Her finger hovered over the block button, but she stayed her hand.
Desperate times.
Siobhan started a club. She's done with kids.
“Mother, I’d like to introduce you to my girlfriend, Satsuma.” Bryant approached with the false confidence of someone who knew his evil mother wouldn’t treat him poorly in front of guests.
Nancy looked Clementine up and down appraisingly before breaking into what Clementine assumed was a smile. It was hard to tell.
“Why, Bryant! You didn’t tell me you had a new girlfriend! What a true beauty. Not plain like that Gilchrist girl. That’s a beautiful dress, darling. Very demure. Very mindful. Such an unusual name too!”
“Why, thank you, Mrs Landgraab!” Clementine smiled easily. “It’s French. Both the dress and the name.”
“Keep a hold of this one, Bryant.”