#ahn jaeun

[messygray]

Crazy After You

your headass drives me crazy, Lim “Harlow” Hanbin

“Can you just stop being so goddamn stubborn for like two minutes and listen to what I have to say?”

“Yeah and what do you have to say that isn’t lecturing me all the time? That’s all I hear from you, you know. You did this wrong, you did that wrong- there’s never a time where we actually see eye to eye these days and it’s so fucking annoying- you’re so naggy and I hate that about you.”

“Well maybe if you stopped getting into trouble for two seconds and listened to what I had to say, we wouldn’t be in this mess. You think I want to nag at you? But what if Arcadia decides you are no longer worth anything? What if they decide you’re more trouble than you’re worth? What am I supposed to do if they take you and I can’t be there to stop it? Do you even know what you put Maddox through all the time too? You’re such a brat all the time these days and it’s fucking insufferable.”

Well the last bit there hurt.

Angry words and harsh pants from two young men going head to head echo and bounce across their shared bedrooms. No one else is present around them- everyone else has decided to hide from the terrors and the drama that they knew would explode from both the ever exhausted Harlow and ever irritable Arlen. 

Arlen was always in and out of trouble.

Harlow was always stressed as hell.

They almost made the perfect family dynamic- with the stern older brother and the one who had nothing to lose. 

Which meant that their arguments often blew in proportions until neither of them could handle being within even 10 feet of one another. Someone always ended up with more than they asked for- this time, Arlen was the one force fed the consequences of his actions.

Yet his stubborn nature kept him from apologizing or even trying to seem apologetic for the problems he caused. It wasn’t his fault! They were suffering because of the facilities!

He wants so terribly badly to scream at Harlow. To yell at him some more for being equally stupid- uh, stubborn, for not seeing the physical and emotional tolls.

But Arlen finds himself clamping his jaws shut at the mention of Maddox. 

Maddox Kang. 

Their poor friend who, although didn’t seem like he batted much of an eye at any of his questionable choices, often suffered the most while pulling strings behind the scenes to get him out. 

Even if Maddox tried to hide his pain, Arlen knew of it too.

The same way Harlow was aware- too aware, almost. 

The thought of Maddox makes Arlen swallow harshly, to try and rid the knot growing in his throat at the thought of his friend’s suffering. He tries not to think about how his consequences always hit Maddox hardest- like the sharpest slap on the cheek. He tries to swallow down both his stubbornness and pride.

For Maddox. Not Harlow.

“Fine… maybe you’re right just this once.” He concedes simply.

Still finding it too shameful in his headass to admit more. 

Harlow takes what he can from Arlen, regardless.

Both boys shut up as Harlow tips his head slightly in acknowledgment. 

The most begrudging kind. 

[messygray]

Late Night Heist

i swear, if you don’t wash those vegetables, Ahn “Arlen” Jaeun

The soft squeak of bare feet across laminated floors is the only sound that exists in a mostly silent, dark apartment. It’s maybe around three in the morning and most of the boys had long gone to bed for the night. Tucked away under their covers- as the trio tried to do, when they weren’t cramming for their one final and all. All seems quiet.

Until a fridge door creaks open, the light from within the fridge easily flickering to blind a certain boy with a little too much of an appetite for so early in the morning. His hair is messy and his pajama top is but an oversized, baggy muscle tee that barely hung onto his frame; outlining just how lean he was- though not thin, with the way his muscles flexed under smooth, pale skin. 

The soft rustle of some bag coming out of the aforementioned fridge is the next noise to echo faintly through the room. But not for long, when a voice calls from down the hall.

“Eating so late into the night? You know that’s bad for you.”

A voice pulls Harlow Lim from his thoughts and causes the young man to jump abruptly from his place. He wants to squeak, but pushes it down for the sake of not waking up his roommates. The one that wasn’t currently catching him red handed, anyway.

“Jesus christ- you scared the living shit out of me.” Harlow grumps as he holds out the bag of carrots in one hand and condiments in the other. Closing the fridge door gently, he turns to look at the other man- Arlen, who had accidentally invaded his little… escapade in their shared kitchen. 

“My bad, man.” Arlen laughs, loud and unabashed until Harlow hushes him for fear of rousing Maddox from his slumber too. It didn’t need to be a party in the kitchen right now. It wasn’t Harlow’s goal. “But you really weren’t that subtle, you know. You really were squeaking like some mouse rummaging through our pantry, with all that noise you were making. ‘D make a bad robber, that’s for sure.” 

The eye roll Arlen receives in response is earned. 

But both boys eventually settle into their dining table together, pulling out seats, as Harlow sets the bag of carrots and the jar onto the table. Arlen finds himself automatically grabbing a plate too. Unfurling the bag, Harlow doesn’t think twice when he dips his fingers in to grab the first orange bit out of the bag. He gives the bag a good shake and allows them to fall into the plate as well. 

And all seems fine- Harlow all but shoves a piece into his mouth, while Arlen watches on in mild disgust. “Dude, are you not gonna wash them first? Do you not wash these first? Give me that!” Without waiting for a response, Arlen is quick to swipe the plate from in front of Harlow and beelines for the sink; even as his buddy continues to crunch the one between his teeth. 

“You’re gross dude. Wash your veggies, even if they come in bags!”

[messygray]

Somehow Attractive?

drunk on the thrill, Ahn “Arlen” Jaeun

The sound of boys tripping their way out of the rowdy third-rate club early in the morning is met with a cleared throat and crossed arms of disapprovement. Looking up from their stumbling steps, arms slung around one another’s shoulders in an attempt to keep themselves from falling, the bunch of them don’t quite know what they were expecting when they met the stern eyes of Maddox Kang.

Said boy in casual attire- nothing more than a flannel, some undershirt, and a pair of jeans. It’s too late- er, early in the morning, to be dressing up nice. Especially when picking up your friends from the damn club.

Nohea is the first to open his mouth, dressed in some equally casual ‘fit and eyes somewhat apologetic, as his muddled mind tries to find something to say- an excuse, an apology, anything to avoid the wrath that he knew Maddox kept somewhere locked within him. He comes up blank though, the world around the man spinning and- how many drinks did he take? Or perhaps his body was still buzzing from the other various activities.

Before Nohea could find it in himself to sober up and confront Maddox’s imposing form, Arlen speaks up- a little too loudly, instead. Taking the spotlight for himself, in all his dark, and generally broody glory. Not to mention he dressed to impress… clearly. (Maddox always thought Arlen was built with godly intentions in mind, but he was never going to admit that- not now, at least.)

“Well, if it isn’t the goody two shoes who thought he was too good to drink with us tonight.” The words slur towards the end and although Arlen had wanted to sound intimidating- Maddox certainly wasn’t fazed. “We had fun, you should have joined in instead of staying home like the loser you were being.”

“Yeah? And if I did get wasted with your ass, who would pick you up at the end of the night, huh? Who would take my place- walk in my shoes?” Maddox knows he’s being irrational and arguing with Arlen in the state that he was in- it was no use and nothing but a waste of time. But the young man couldn’t help it. Irritation clung to his chest, suffocating and tight. Ungrateful asshole.

“Stop being a boring voice of reason, will you? There’s a reason why people say living is dangerous. It keeps things interesting and less… dead. Ya know.”

Before Maddox could continue to argue with his best friend, the third in the trio stands up a little taller than the others and takes a slight stretch in his shoulders before closing the distance between himself and Maddox. 

A hand comes to rest against broad shoulders and Harlow shakes his head gently. “There’s no use arguing with him. He’s definitely had more drinks than I can count tonight. So excuse his behavior, but thanks for picking us up.” Harlow gives the irate boy’s shoulder another gentle pat, “At the very least, I can say I appreciate it. And they will too… in the morning, after they’re hungover and shit.” 

He’ll learn his lesson after that. Is what Harlow wants to say. He knows he’s already made too many excuses for their friend, though.

“Speak for yourself! This asshole didn’t wanna club with me!” Somewhere from behind, Arlen’s voice is indignant, but Harlow quells the waves crashing through Maddox. And the young man merely lets his shoulders sag in a sigh. 

“Well, thank god you’re at least somewhat sober. I mean Nohea’s not that bad either, but I swear, if I had to pick up Arlen’s dumb ass up alone, we probably would have fought right this instant.”

“You love him, though. Drunk or sober, he’s still your best friend. And our friend too.”

And maybe Harlow was right. 

But for the moment- Maddox Kang had never felt distaste for a person more. 

Distaste.

And a little bit of shame maybe, for finding Arlen even the least bit attractive, nonetheless.

[messygray]

Waiting Long

in which his patience only ever hangs by a thread, Ahn “Arlen” Jaeun

There are some things that simply take a little too much patience for a boy like Arlen Ahn. Things that, albeit reasonably, take time to procure. Like water droplets that drip from a leaky faucet into the glass cup below. One could argue that they speculated onwards for hours at a time, watching each little droplet hit the surface of the small puddle forming at the bottom of said glass. Maybe someone with enough patience could grab a chair and simply watch the scene slowly unfold; if they were told to do so.

But Arlen Ahn was not the one for such a… mind numbing task. He could barely sit still without itching to be involved in some action, nevermind sitting around waiting for water droplets to break away from the surface tension holding the damn thing onto the faucet rim. If anything, the boy would much rather have enjoyed his time with twisting open the faucet knobs, allowing the water to gush from the opening like the floodgates ripping open. Like the raging river ride or whatever it was called at those amusement parks. 

To say the very least, Arlen’s temperament was equally rushed and very much so impatient to stand by for any longer than maybe two minutes at most- an exaggeration, but a pretty accurate one. 

And so it comes as no surprise when he’s antsy to get moving while waiting for Maddox to arrive at their scheduled meeting spot. 

He knows that the boy is probably still out in hockey practice- perhaps said practice was even running a little late, given the darkness that was taking over the already overcast sky. But Arlen couldn’t help but fidget where he was. Already arriving early, knowing that the other boy may be arriving later than expected.

Why did I even bother?

He growls inwardly to himself, foot stomping against the pavement. Again, he feels kind of like a five year old kid. The petulance, anyway. And the need to simply get moving. While the bitch was always somehow late. 

It’s almost like he doesn’t wanna actually meet up or some shit. Arlen whines. Knowing that it wasn’t true.

It only takes another few silent heart beats before Arlen couldn’t help himself but fish his mobile device from the pocket of his pants. It takes even less time for the boy to look through his most recent contacts and pull up the name that was so familiar to him.

Hey man, are you coming or? What’s taking so long!!

He clicks send without any proofreading or any finesse at all.  

Of course, the minutes pass, but there is no response. It’s too be expected that the hockey boy wouldn’t have his phone on him or stop in the middle of something to check if it did ping on the bleachers. 

Why do I even ask? Why do I even try, I swear, he just enjoys testing my patience these days.

Again, Arlen grouses to himself, impatience ever climbing. 

It only takes a little while longer for it to reach a high point. 

Arlen almost considers stomping his way towards the practice arena instead. Agreement to meet here be damned. 

But just as he’s about to pick up his things and head over to kick Maddox’s ass, the only man on Arlen’s mind makes his appearance; of course, hockey equipment in tow.

“Miss me? Did you wait long?” 

Too casual for Arlen’s liking.

The immediate response is an audible smack against Maddox’s solid shoulder, exposed by the muscle shirt he’d donned. (The other boy immediately rubs the spot, dramatically acting as if Arlen’s punch had been heavier than it actually was.)

“Asshole, you know I don’t like waiting! Of course it was long.”

[messygray]

Forgettable Night Terrors

in his arms, Maddox Kang is safe from the world, Ahn "Arlen" Jaeun

Strong arms jostle at Maddox’s sleeping figure, his whole unconscious world begins to shake even before the young man has a chance of rousing into the waking one. But it doesn’t take long for the man to; almost too violently nudged awake by one final shake of another. He doesn’t realize it immediately, the grogginess hazing Maddox’s brain, but his cheeks are wet with salty tears. His own tears. And large, strong hands grip each one of his own arms firmly, dark, wild eyes searching his own. The owner gives him another viscous shake, despite Maddox’s eyes fluttering open, wide and alert.

Even in the haze of sleep, something feels wrong. Maddox’s heart beats fast and again- he feels the tears well up and line his lash line. But the man couldn’t recall what had caused such a reaction. His seemingly terrible dream vanished without a trace as soon as his mind was awakened by the other male. Maddox couldn’t even recall a lick of what could have caused his body such a physical reaction– belatedly, the man realizes that he’s also covered in the lightest sheen of sweat. Enough to make him sticky against the sheets, but not enough to make him shiver. It’s an uncomfortable feeling, unpleasant in the way that it reminds him almost as if he’d been working out in his dream too.

But it doesn’t stop the other boy, Arlen from settling into the duvets beside Maddox and pulling Maddox’s body into his own. 

“You were whimpering in your sleep. And not in a good way.”

Maddox hears, as he subconsciously buries his face into the warmth of Arlen’s broad chest. The latter doesn’t seem to mind that he’s sticky and gross, or the residual wetness of Maddox’s tears that were going to soak into his loose tank. He didn’t even flinch. 

“And then I came to check on you and noticed you were crying, too.” The murmur is soft and gentle- the most gentle that Maddox has heard from the man in a good while. “Did something happen?” Who do I need to settle a score with? Is what Arlen meant to say. But he refrains for the time being. Despite the anger and impatient need to resolve this boiling the blood in his veins. 

Although the two fought like cat and dog all day long, much to the annoyance of their mutual friends, there was no way in hell Arlen would just let someone else take his place. A very typical ‘only me’ attitude came to mind. Like a possessive five year old who only wanted his way.

So maybe that’s why Arlen finds himself with the other boy relaxing into his chest, his strong arms wrapped, secure and tight, around Maddox’s shoulders. “Just say a name.”

But Maddox merely shakes his head, and presses his nose into the warm, comforting scent that envelopes the man. “I can’t even remember what happened or why I woke up like that.”

“But thank you…”

Silence falls on the pair after that. Neither of them have ever been terrific at expressing their emotions- jokingly, only opinions. 

But somehow, it’s a very comforting silence for both boys, and it ends up with Arlen gently petting Maddox’s fluffy, bed-head of sable hair and the welcoming weight of Maddox in Arlen’s lap. 

Soon enough, the latter’s breath evens out again, a clear indication that Mads had begun to doze off. 

For once, Arlen doesn’t seem to mind, happy to watch over the tired boy.

No matter what demons hide in your dreams, I’ll fight them for you. I’ll fight them all for you.

[messygray]

Tranquility

a moment spoiled too soon, Lim "Harlow" Hanbin

It’s past dusk by the time Harlow Lim makes his way up the complex and unlocks his shared apartment door. The sun’s well below the horizon by the time said door swings open, weighted and slow. It’s already past eight into the evening by the time Harlow slips off his sneakers and slides his bag off his shoulders. His loose fitted jacket is shed off next, hung on the rack next to the door; and the young man’s left in only his oversized tee and some pair of sweats he’d deemed vaguely appropriate enough for his library study trip. 

The apartment is mostly dimmed, the lights only conservatively turned on to the lowest setting available- an agreement the boys had made about saving energy when they first moved in together. Harlow still remembers when he offered to pay any extra electricity bills if it’d help- but the others merely declined his offer, spewing something along the lines of ‘if we’re not going to be using the lights in that room, it’ll just be a waste to leave it on, anyway’. But the young man still believes it’s partially in fear of going over the set limit every month. (Although their monthly rent for the unit bundled in the utilities, anything over the cap was out of pocket- their own to pay.)

It’s quiet when Harlow steps into the kitchen to grab himself a glass of water. Save for the soft murmurs that sing through their common room not far off. 

There’s a single lamp by the couch in the common room. The rest of the lights dimmed to the lowest, much like the rest of the apartment. 

Harlow tries not to intrude, as he makes his way towards the voices, knowing that they must have come from his two current roommates. The third, named Blue, moved out just recently to live with a boyfriend of his- or whatever. Leaving the nest, sort of speaking- and leaving the other boys to their own devices; not that they needed him to look after their asses, though. 

By the entryway, the young man catches two shapes in the darkness, one lounging casually on the couch, another with his head in his lap. 

The former of the two is all dark and broody, sinful looking with the way the light flickers off his tanned, toned skin. His eyes are sharp and his physique is broad and for the most part- he’s the most intimidating both inside and outside of Harlow’s close circle of friends. But he doesn’t look intimidating now; and despite Harlow’s angle, he could still make out the gentle softness in his eyes as he looks down at the second boy in his lap, whispering softly between the pair as he fondly pets the other’s hair. Arlen Ahn. Or Ren, as he called himself. 

The latter, Maddox Kang, lays with his head in Ren’s lap, hair already a mess with the way Ren had been seemingly mindlessly playing with his hair- for who knows how long, Harlow isn’t sure. Maddox’s own physique is hidden in the shadows of the common room, melting into the darkness wherever the soft, artificial light couldn’t quite reach his skin. It muddles his silhouette into Ren’s. But his face is gentle, unlike Ren’s, with crescent shaped eyes and plush-pink lips. Harlow would have been a fool to think he was fragile in any way, however; strong muscles rippled under smooth, milky-pale skin. The product of a strong athletics-involved career. It’s just that Maddox happened to carry more delicate features- an a style that couldn’t be more different from Ren’s.

Together, the two looked like they fit together in a way that the universe had called for them to. Complimenting one another; and if Harlow hadn’t known any better, he would have felt a little left out right about now. 

But he knew (better).

Like best friends who have been seeking each other out for all their lives, the pair had always been inseparable in a… strongly bound sort of way. Not brothers or bound by blood, no. But best buddies, the kind that were glued to one another’s side and ready to step into action at a moment’s notice. Harlow could count more than once when Ren had gotten a little snappy at someone who flew too close to the sun and tested his patience… 

“So… y’all gonna just continue ignoring me and not welcome me home, or what?” Harlow’s voice breaks the silence, full of mirth.

Two heads turn from the comforts of their platonically mushy quietness and Maddox all but jostles up into a sitting position. And from there, both boys come to greet their roommate; Harlow doesn’t miss the embarrassed rosy tint sitting pretty on Maddox’s cheekbones and the sheepish grin hanging off of Ren’s face. Both for being caught in a moment of tranquility that was of such rarity.