#aight fine

[pissmermaid]

How are you today my dude

I’ll be fucking honest mate I am going through it

Got to try out the new Tomodachi Life demo though. Hatsune Miiku and I bonded over yaoi

[zwowow]

aight fine

em seeing kells have a panic attack (pre dating era) and not believing it at first

You said "aight fine" lmaooooo

The kid is obviously faking. He's sitting on the floor, acting catatonic as fuck with his arms wrapped around his long legs. He looks like he's having some sort of panic attack, and he's so good Marshall almost believed it. But it's too raw, too vulnerable to share with someone. He wouldn't let anybody see him in this state, so why, unless he's faking the whole thing, would Kelly sit there, unmoving except his rapidly darting eyes instead of leaving and having a moment to himself?

"Will you drop the fucking act and get up?" Marshall had just walked into the room to talk to Kelly before they were supposed to go out and publicly end their beef, but he wants to walk back out now. If this is the way the kid wants to act then he can fucking do it, Marshall just won't be a part of it.

It wasn't like he needed to publicly end their feud anyway, neither of their sales were hurting and he can't lie, having someone to pick on in a song every once in a while is pretty fun. He's only doing this because he's seen the comments the kid get and he's heard whatever success Kelly has be torn down just to build him up. He knows what it's like to be put down relentlessly, so when the opportunity presented itself to end that for the kid, or at least slow it down, he took it. Now, he almost regrets it. Kelly can't be for real, can he?

Then the kids darting eyes look straight into his, and his heart clenches. There are tears in the kids eyes, but he's not sad. He's scared. There's desperation rolling off of him and Marshall wonders how he was ever so convinced this was an act.

"Kid?" He takes a step closer, then stops when Kells draws his legs in closer to himself. His breathing is shallow and fast. "Kelly?" He tries again, softer this time. He hadn't expected to want and help this guy so much, but there's something about him he's inexplicably drawn to and feels obligated to protect.

But he can't protect Kelly from anything when he barely knows how to get himself out of that type of nervous state, and isn't sure what is setting him off. He really doesn't know how to help, but he feels so bad for the kid he has to try.

Carefully, he takes a couple more steps toward the kid, pausing between each one to make sure he isn't scaring him off. But he doesn't move, just sits there staring wearily, curled almost painfully tight against the wall.

When Em finally reaches him, he isn't sure what to do. Does he tell the kid everything will work out fine? Does he sit down next to him and just be there and present for if and when he snaps out of it and wants to talk? Does he fucking pet his head?

"Can I sit?" He asks, because he doesn't know what else to do. The kid doesn't respond, just keeps that weary stare trained on him. He sits.

"'m sorry I said u were faking it." He offers after he's been sitting for over a minute with no response. Still, the kid says nothing.

"It's rough, yeah, that anxiety shit? Like, I don't know, you can hear the voice of every one of the people who thinks you aren't shit and everything you do just proves them right." He isn't sure what hes trying to say, so he keeps going hoping to find it. "I used to get those like panic attacks too, before I went on stage, before that even when battled, but at some point you just gotta say 'fuck it' and stop caring, ya know?"

Marshall snorts when he sees Kelly raise his eyebrow. Yeah, what he said was a little corny, but the first thing the guy does to show any response is raise his eyebrow like that? It's cute, though.

"Is today what's got you all fucked up?" Their reconciliation on a personal level will be easy. The follow up from their fans and haters alike will be the hard part. They both know it.

Kelly just nods.

"I mean, what's the worst that happens? You get more hate comments than you already do? Pretty much impossible. And even if you do, that's on them. You're not responsible for what other people think... thought you'd have learned that by now." Marshall isn't great at the pep talk, but as he goes on, Kelly's labored breathing starts to even out, and his white knuckle grip on his legs looses up and his hands drop limply to the floor. His exposed palm, pretty much the only part of him not tattoed, looks open for Marshall to hold.

"Fuck it. Whatever is gonna happen, will happen, right? Before I knew you were freaking the fuck out, thats what I came in here to tell you. We're probably both gonna get shit for this, but who the fuck cares? At least we're gonna go through the same shit together." It's more corny shit, but this time Kelly doesn't look funnily at him, instead there's admiration and gratitude in his pretty eyes. Marshall wants to lean over and kiss him.

He settles for just reaching over and grabbing his hand. Kelly's hand is shock stiff at first, then, while looking at Marshall, he relaxes and weaves together their fingers. He's both surprised and not at how well they fit.

[faededaway]

...can't believe I spent so much watching YouTube shorts. Damn it!

[suresha]

THOR...  HOW  DARE....  EXCEPT... except  im  weak.

[noodilyhooligan]

I been tryna fuck away my sadness lately but god cockblocked every attempt and now I gotta just face my fuckin feelings like an adult

[ashandvoodoo-blog]

cause he's a hypocritical needy ho

HAHAHAHonkhonk XoD

[marcelmayfair]

nah, answer the question posed and maybe ...

But bruh!

[gearthepunk]

Gear’s 2015 in a nutshell

This was both the best and worst year of my entire life, so I’m both smiling and tearing up. It started out hazey and I was literally moments, every day, from walking out of my job. Never in my life had I felt so horrible about myself because of work but it all did a 180 when our new manager came in. She is wonderful and we’re all thankful to have her there. I can officially say I (customers aside) love my job and no longer want to leave because of staff (only reason is money, I can’t afford to stay there).

Early in the year I sucked in my fear and contacted the doctors to see if I could be put on a waiting list, fearing I’d probably be waiting another year, I figured I might as well get it over with. Instead I was contacted almost 2 months later and was on Hormones in May (May 13th is the day I discovered what I was meant to do for myself, and a huge turning point in my life, good things seem to always happen in May for me) so the fact I was ON hormones in May was an annual relief and cause of celebration. My body had set into them very well and my initial fear of my health was completely abolished, as I had - and still have - no physical health concerns.

This was also the month I went to see New Kids On the Block (childhood fave) with a childhood friend, Brooke Malakoff (more on her later).

It was only around the Summer time that things started to take a huge nose dive when my depression hit really, really hard (probably because of the emotions and hormones goes all wonky and settling into my body) and I found myself awake every night either crying or in pain for literally no reason. I went through a “this is my punishment” phase (still sort of stuck there) and it got really bad, but a huge round of applause to my best friend @starbr1te for literally always being there every minute of my pain.

Bragging time, it was also this time that I met @silverstrangequark and we vlogged (I’m still trying to figure out how to transfer the file onto this computer, so it’s coming, don’t you worry). 

Things turned up, I went to see my mom for the first time in 4 years in september and we hung out and got stoned. She’s a reiki master, so she did her session on me. I spoke to her and one of the villages (yes, its a village) older women and they both said I saw something of a spirit animal, or guardian through my session (which was a Sea Turtle and after reading about it in many articles, I love how much it makes sense). She did her tarot card ritual and I learned so much about myself in those 2 hours than I ever thought I could know.

Throughout September is also when I began full time work on my comic, Fractured Parallel, and set up a few editors for the script. Unfortunately thanks to some unavoidable technical issues, it came to a dead stop.

Aright, this is where it gets really heartbreaking… I’m already in tears…

On the last week of October a shockwave hit everyone with the force of the universe. Our very dear and smiley friend, Brooke Malakoff, had passed away just a month short of her 21st birthday. She had been suffering from a rare cancer in the lungs and it turned ugly in her last week alive. If you didn’t know her, she was an advocate for Children suffering with cancer and spent her last 6 years in pain doing nothing but helping those in need and bringing sunshine in to everyone’s life. She touched base with all of us and made every single person who came into contact with her feel amazing and special.

She expired suddenly over night and for the first 24 - 72 hours the world was completely silent in shock. I went to the funeral service with my sister and her boyfriend and we both lost our composure almost immediately within stepping into the hall. We laughed while crying our eyes out and even the minister could hold himself together because that’s just how powerful this woman was and how much she meant to us.

A handful of us from Slocan who grew up together with her sat at the banquet and we just shared stories and bonded and laughed over her amazing smile.

It’s nearing the end of the year and I still feel this huge hole in my heart from losing her, but because of her I’ve made the vow to make myself a better person, and to make an impact on others in some way.

But I’ve also learned that I’m not about to give up my time if you won’t even say hello to me. If we aren’t on good terms by 12am PST tonight, you’re being left in 2016. I’m 10x the man I am today than I was last year. (Literally… you should hear my voice… it’s incredible)

We’ll not talk about November and December because I was buried under an ugly pile of angry customers and tea…

I’m going to take 2016 by force. When… I’m done this cold because fuck I feel like shit right now…