I was writing a story and ended up accidentally doing a character deep dive for Aira that I wanted to share here. Feel free to skip the next bit if you don't care about how I came to accidentally write a character deep dive and just want to read the deep dive itself.
So I was working on a momoaira fic. It's close third person from Aira's pov. The intent of the fic was just to be pwp. Just Momo and Aira getting freaky during a date. But then things just kind of happened and words just sort of flowed and before long I had this deep introspective look into Aira's life from her own point of view.
This really didn't fit well with the fic I was trying to write. It would have completely distracted from it and made the smut feel out of place. I considered making it two chapters, with one chapter being serious introspection and the second chapter being smut. I considered putting out two versions, a safe for work version that dives into Aira's character and a not safe version that doesn't. In the end, I decided to just remove it from my fic and have a more focused smutty fic, no alternate versions or additional chapters.
But I didn't want to just let all this writing go to waste. So, here for the tumblr masses, I present the deleted text from my upcoming fic, tentatively titled "Hidden In Plain Sight". This is perfectly family friendly, and other than the name of a character that hasn't been seen in the anime yet it's spoiler free.
As they boarded the train and made their way towards the shopping district, Aira allowed herself to get lost in conversation with her girlfriend. Their back and forth was equal parts whispered flirtations and friendly barbs.
Aira couldn’t get enough of the way that Momo brought out the part of Aira that felt most authentic. Aira would never say that she was completely two-faced. At least not these days. Her ditzy innocent persona was certainly a stretch. But still she drew upon parts of herself to play that role. These days she had mostly ditched the ditzy thing, only occasionally falling back into it by habit. She still tried to be super friendly to everyone though. She wanted to know that she made others feel good. At her worst, she had allowed her desire for popularity to take over that impulse to make others feel good. At least in part. But that was what her intention had been from the start. Help others. Make them feel good. Make her mother proud.
Somewhere in the midst of that Aira had forgotten about making herself feel good, if it had even been a concern of hers at all. She was a desperate people pleaser. Yes, others might say that she was self-centered and selfish. They’d even have been right. Might still be right, at times. But she hadn’t been selfishly looking after her own happiness. And she hadn’t been self-centered because she wanted to be the center of attention. She chose to be the center of attention so that others were directed towards her, so she could help everyone feel good without having to seek out everyone individually. It had seemed like the most efficient way to accomplish what she wanted to do. And she had been selfishly afraid of what it would mean if people didn’t like her. Too selfish to face the idea of that potential failure.
She could see now with hindsight the issues her approach had. In saying what some people wanted to hear, she put others down. Even if they weren’t around to hear her say it, that didn’t mean it never got back to them. And assuming that everyone was focusing on her and she wasn’t leaving anyone behind, or that she could accomplish such a thing with enough popularity, was foolish. There were always those like Kouki who would have avoided anyone with that much attention. She had truly been a flawed and short-sighted individual.
Of course that had all changed when she touched the golden ball. Actually, she couldn’t really say that. It might have awakened her spiritually and allowed her to see ghosts and psychic powers, but she hadn’t changed at all. She had tried to exercise the “demon” Momo because she was still afraid of what failing others would mean. And because she was so concerned about the spotlight on her that she felt those events had to revolve around her. If she didn’t stop Momo she would be failing to use her new powers properly. She would be disappointing her mother and letting down anyone that the demon targeted. She was still narrow-minded and short-sighted.
Acro Silky had been the first step of really changing Aira. She was someone with clear priorities. Her daughter. It didn’t matter where else in life she might succeed or fail, because none of that could excuse failing her daughter.
For a short time Aira thought that the lesson to be learned from that was that she was on the right track. She was right to sacrifice her own wants and needs to do things like make others happy and vanquish the dangerous demon. After all, Acro Silky hadn’t put herself first either. But it was Momo who had finally gotten through to her. Momo was brash and abrasive, unapologetically herself. If she was unhappy, you could tell. If she was angry she wouldn’t hesitate to put someone in their place. And to Aira’s surprise, she was doing good. She was, inarguably, a good person. It took time before Aira realized how that could be. And when she did, she realized just how much Momo and Acro Silky had in common. They understood what their priorities should be.
Acro Silky put her daughter first, always, as befit a loving mother. Momo would put herself first unless there was something greater at stake. She didn’t need to make every person’s day just a smidge happier. Most people were doing pretty good already. But if someone was really down, Momo would be there for them. Not just a few words to make them smile in the moment, but fighting for them to make things better. Momo could hold herself back when she needed to, like to work her job at the cafe. But she could assert herself when she saw injustice. And that included when things were bad for her. She could fight just as fiercely for her own happiness as that of others.
That was why these days Aira attempted to let her mind be known. She was still polite. Perhaps too polite at times. It was just a habit. But now if she had an opinion she would state it, not try to flatter others that their opinions were better. If she knew something she wouldn’t hide it to make others feel better about not knowing. It didn’t mean she had to rub her knowledge in their face or force her opinions on others, just that she was allowed to be herself. It was liberating. But also, terrifying.
After coming forward as having lied and started the rumors about Momo, Aira’s school life suffered greatly for quite a while. Eventually, people began to forget about it, or forgive her, or just decide to spend some time with her anyway. She tried to incorporate this new lifestyle she had learned from Momo into these new social interactions. Sometimes she did okay. Sometimes she reverted back to her old ways. She never meant to. It was just easier that way.
But with Momo, she never had a hard time being her truest self. She could be just as brash and forceful as Momo. She could assert herself. When she and Momo started dating she worried that she might revert to her cutesy traits to try to appeal to Momo on accident. But it never happened. It just felt like it was impossible to be anything other than real with her. She did tease Momo on one occasion with her cutesy voice, saying the sort of overly sweet things that Momo would know were her putting on a front. Rather than be flattered or encourage the behavior Momo had just laughed, and said it was creepy seeing Aira force herself to do that around her. That had helped put Aira at ease.
