Today was day 1 of orientation at which my 12 seemingly genius program mates and I spent all day learning to code in SAS. I felt like all of my colleagues fell off the struggle bus that I kept riding (who knows, maybe everyone was actually crying internally). Days 2 and 3 will be dedicated to 14 different math lectures, which is a field I’m more confident in but still might shed a tear. Needless to say, orientation made me lowkey stressed/scared thinking about the impending school year.
I came home in the evening and stumbled upon an old reading about the life of Dietrich Bonhoeffer, a pastor who actively fought against the German Nazi regime, was arrested, tortured, and eventually hanged to his death. His last words to a fellow prisoner was, “This is the end; but for me it is the beginning of life,” as he clung onto his one and only living hope in the midst of his great suffering. This hope was the confidence in God which had power to produce changes in how Bonhoeffer lived. His actions reflected 1 Peter 1, which says, “[God] has caused us to be born again to a living hope [...] [and] in this you rejoice [although] you have been grieved by various trials.” In no way does a master’s program compare to the pangs and anguish that Bonhoeffer had fought against, but I’m encouraged to demonstrate the harboring of this living hope and truly believing that God’s got me even through the worst. #stillscaredHAHA