Imagine it's your birthday and you're not really a huge fan of parties so you don't really announce it and your friend/sex buddy/not boyfriend wants you to jerk him off which gets interrupted so he then decides to spend the whole day with you so you guys go on a not-date when halfway through it your mom calls you and says there's debt collectors at her door so you rush over with your Guy and find it's just a surprise birthday party at the go go bar you were raised in (but it's not even technically your birthday yet) and you coerce your not-boyfriend-not-friend into serenading you and your mom nudges you and you kind of admit you might like this guy and you go home and get high + drunk with Pretty Boy and get cockblocked Again by your roommate and his definitely-not-crush who happens to be your boy's friend, so all four of you get high together and you find out your not-crush is in fact in love with a friend of several years and is using you as a rebound. And your name is Sand because your mom conceived you on the beach. What would you even do.