#alan curtis

[unreesonable]

Mr King BTS photo - Steve Pemberton, Annette Badland, Reece Shearsmith and director Louise Hooper

[rinawrote]

Realistic Relationship Headcanons

Alan Curtis (Inside No. 9) x f!Reader

AO3 link here

Warnings: Swearing, mentions of smut

GOD can u tell I love writing these sm I <3 being able to type like my true degenerate self

- Pls laugh at this man’s jokes he’s trying so hard 😣

- Type of bf to wake u up at 6 a.m. doing his morning routine and choking to death while brushing his tongue

- SIT IN HIS LAP HE LOVES IT

- Would try to kick a football back to a group of kids in the park and miss and then get scared for the next hour bc he thinks he’s given u the ick

- Lowkey probs makes u help him mark the kids work when u have nowt else to do

- One time you found a sticker that said “well done!” on your arse and you just KNOW it was him

- Whines with his head in ur lap when he gets a passive aggressive email from someone’s mum

- Horny but polite wid it 🙈

- Uses his teacher voice in bed

- U js know the dick is SO good too like it acc pisses u off a bit

- WILL cry at the John Lewis christmas ad every year

- Say “recycling is a myth” in front of him just to feel something

- Once got a boner bc u kissed him on the cheek 🤭

- Fully a slut for nature documentaries

- If his students wanna waste time they’ll 100% ask him about u and he’ll yap for half the lesson

- Will ask for a “nicer tone, please” when you call him a twat

- Takes ages to initiate a shag cos he’s too busy being SWEET like, “is this okay?” like babe stfu and put it in

- Does that thing where he rests his chin on top of ur head and sways slightly when he hugs u HNNGHFGHH

- Unironically has a “wine o’clock” sign in his kitchen

- Sometimes he’ll get baby fever then one of his year 3s will sneeze on him and he’s like nvm 😐

- U gotta give this man a warning before getting ur tits out bc he’s one wrong move away from a heart attack at any given moment

- Def leaves passive aggressive post-it notes around the house

- Would try to drink pints to impress u but physically gags as soon as it touches his lips

- 10000% snores like an old man soz I don’t make the rules except I do and he snores

- Thinks facebook reels are peak comedy, probs sends u those ai cat videos thinking they’re real and is like, “they’re so brave xxx”

- Def nosey as hell like bro will stand at the window staring out the blinds if he hears commotion down the street

- Always tucks ur clothes tags back in when they’re sticking out awwwww

- Claps when the plane lands 🥴

- Will be like, “I’m resting my eyes,” and then 5 mins later he’s fast asleep

- Lidl bakery fiend

- I js know he’s watched u try to parallel park before and it genuinely gave him a migraine

- Forgets he’s allowed to swear at home

- Probs wants u guys to get a niche fuckass pet like a newt or a chinchilla or some shit

- Facetimes u in the pad aisle straight after walking into the shop cos he’s already forgotten which ones u asked him to buy

- Thinks Michael Bublé is “one of the greatest minds of our generation”

- He’s SO sweet and gentle with u when ur upset

- “Yes ma’am” is part of his everyday vocabulary atp

- Refers to u as “the wife”

- Pulls ur legs onto him as soon as u sit on the sofa like bro give me a MINUTE

Also these:

[one-boring-person]

Advent Calendar Day 22

Promise

Alan Curtis (Inside No.9: Mr King) X GN!reader

Warnings: very light mentions of nsfw

Synopsis: watching Nativity with Alan

A/n: as Nativity is one of my favourite Christmas films, I thought it would be funny to imagine what Alan might think of the film as a teacher 😅 (for those who aren't English, Nativity is a kids Christmas film set in a school in which the main characters try to stage a Nativity play with various levels of success)

'You have no idea how glad I am I'm not in charge of the Nativity play this year,' Alan laughs as he drops down on the sofa beside me, looping an arm around my shoulders and pulling me close.

'I'm sure I can guess,' I chuckle, keeping my eyes trained on the TV as I lean into him, snuggling into his warm body, 'But I'm sure it wouldn't be nearly as bad as that situation.'

I gesture to the television, where Nativity is playing, the film a favourite of mine even if Alan hates it.

'God, you're not watching that again, are you?' He sighs in faux resignation, tilting his head back onto the cushion behind him.

'Of course I am! It's a brilliant film!' I grin, swatting his thigh, 'It's not my fault it stresses you out so much, Alan.'

'I think you can forgive me for getting stressed out by it! Don't you know how many damn safeguarding issues there are just in the first forty minutes alone?' He protests, pointing to the screen at the familiar image of the children going crazy in their roles, 'If that happened in real life, I'd be fired in a millisecond!'

I roll my eyes, laughing at his outcry.

'Well, I find it fun to watch and I'm not going to stop just because the only teacher still remaining in my life is having a panic attack that a fictional child is being lowered from a cathedral in a fictional story by a rope. You'll have to pry the DVD out of my cold, dead hands,' I reaffirm, crossing my arms over my chest as best as I can.

'That can be arranged,' Alan jokes, bringing his fingers to my sides, launching into an attack of ruthless tickling.

Instantly, I'm writhing on the sofa, crying out in desperate giggles for him to let up, trying to fuck out of his grip. He just grins and wraps his arms around me, trapping me against him as he starts pressing his lips to my neck, blowing obscene raspberries against my skin. I squeal, squirming in his hold, batting at his arms as he wrestles me down underneath him.

'Alan! I'm trying to watch this!' I exclaim, trying to push him off.

'I can give you something better to do,' He laughs, waggling his eyebrows conspiringly.

'Oh my god, that was a rubbish line,' I scoff, putting my hands over my face, 'There's no way you're getting me off this sofa now.'

'Maybe I don't need to,' Alan purrs, ducking down to nose at my neck.

I smirk, letting him start kissing at my skin, his hands slipping under my shirt, ghosting over my warm body. He grins against me, one of his hands sliding further up.

'See? This is already better,' He mumbles against me, lifting his face to brush our lips together.

'Hm, I'm not sure about that,' I reply, keeping the sultry tone in my voice until his face registers what I've said.

He yelps as I suddenly sit up, tipping him from my lap and onto the floor.

'What the-?' He cursed, rubbing his back as he looks up at me, betrayal in his eyes.

I settle back onto the sofa, pulling a blanket up over my body, smirking at his confusion.

'Sit through this with me,' I start, leaning down to ruffle his hair with one hand, 'And maybe I'll let you do what you want with me for the rest of the night.'

His gaze darkens at the prospect.

'Promise?'

I lean down until our faces are centimetres apart.

'I promise.'

[citizenscreen]

Nat Pendleton hoisting co-stars Alan Curtis, James Stewart and Sam Levene in this publicity photo for H.C. Potter’s THE SHOPWORN ANGEL (1938).

[morphine-king]

Phantom Lady (1944) – Robert Siodmak

[80aidy80]

they took a scythe, baith long and sharp.

fanart for inside no 9, mr. king

[haveyouseenthismovie-poll]

Have you seen High Sierra (1941)?

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Voting ended onApr 8, 2025

[almostlookedhuman]

High Sierra (1941, dir. Raoul Walsh)