#aledi

[bunbun-is-happy]

waking up from a dream, i can only remember saying "what does god want? i already gave him my toys."

[bunbun-is-happy]

escapism is the perfect answer to everything. let me escape.

[bunbun-is-happy]

For V. (werewolf short, horror)

I told him to stay inside. I told him not to go to dark places alone at night. I told him it is dangerous. But he wanted to see the full moon with me. He wanted to show me the glistening snow, the first snow of the year. He is such a stupid bitch. He thinks he knows me.

His small hands are clenching into useless fists he dare not fight me with. His big eyes are glistening with tears of terror. His lips are trembling with the scream that died in his lungs when he forgot how to breathe. He is the perfect prey begging my instincts for destruction. The stench of his fear is setting my blood ablaze. He is saying my name. He is telling me not to do it. His words are reverberating in my skull. Nobody is telling me what to do. It makes me angry. Rabid. Foam at the mouth. The night turns red and I slap him as I always do.

But this time my claws are slicing through his beautiful face. His blood is spraying onto the red snow like black tar. I'm paving the way to hell for him. He stumbles back and falls hard into the soft snow. I can hear the way his breath is catching in his throat when his body is hitting the frozen ground. Thud. The world is turning slower. I'm sniffing the cold air. The scent of his warm blood is filling my nostrils. It smells like sex. My growl is rolling like thunder as I slowly step over his shaking body. His heartbeat echoes in my ears. So fast. Like that of a little bird. His eyelids are fluttering like panicked wings.

His breathing reminds me of the creaking swing he was sitting on in another life, his carefree laughter, his innocent smile. There is no innocence in him. He is rotten. Like me. The stench of his fear is getting more pungent. It is easy for me to get his clothes off his shaking body. My claws are sharp as knives. They make him scream every time his flesh is catching in them. I told him not to wear his stupid tight jeans anymore. It takes more to get them off. So much black blood in the red snow. His warmth seeping from his fighting body is making me growl with pleasure. He should know by now that he can never push me off him. So weak. So fake.

He is not really fighting me. He wants it as much as I do. I love the look of shocked disbelief on his face, every time I force myself into him, every time my claws are piercing his flesh with the same violent lust. His screams are filling me with a flash flood of pleasure. It is pouring into him, mixing with his blood. Who would have thought I could tear apart a size queen like him. His breathing is so ragged in the afterglow. It is the most beautiful sound. He is choking on his blood. His eyes are so peaceful, staring at the stars we once named together. I'm licking the blood off the face I loved so much. Now I love the taste of his flesh.

[bunbun-is-happy]

This is me. I'm already buried in the grave, with just my hands above the surface as the ultimate torture, trying to hold onto the hands of moments of kindness. But they were never meant to save me. All I find is empty air. There is nobody. And I'm breathing in graveyard soil. Because this is all I deserve.

[bunbun-is-happy]

i will deleeete

so, telling a guy who has fantasies of killing me and the urge to destroy me my address, so he can send me something cute, is very okay, because he is actually extremely nice to me and said he will not do anything bad to me. 😆 im not complaining! i like it! i mean he said i can see getting kidnapped as an adventure, if i remember correctly, and i dont need to be scared of him anymore after i give him my address, and he is right, im not scared anymore. im fully trusting to get my cute mail and i think he lost the urge the moment he got my address! well, is the kidnap to rape still on? i bet no. i think the incentive for that might be gone. and he said he has the bad side of him under control and it is too complicated anyway to come to me. what a pity! im just laughing about myself! i mean, i love this story! famous last words! nah. im joking! he is really nice! it is so funny! i love it! cant wait for my cute mail! 😻💕 and him! haha im joking, he will not come! just imagine getting into the hands of a guy with that mindset and taste, who can basically break me even just with words. oh god, he can be scary af, but im not scared anymore! until i get to see the other side again of course. 😆 i will probably have to delete this. sorryyyy! i cant help it, i like getting a good laugh and thrill out of supposedly risky stuff. this is living! anyway, it is just roleplaying, right? and therapy! but today i realized that im total snuff bait for a long time already. i didnt even know there is a name for it. i think it is funny! it is just a game, right? i sometimes like will this kill me games. of course nothing ever did or will kill me. he kind of said about me, that i have no instinct for self-preservation, because i willingly walk into a trap. never heard that one before! hahaha there is no trap here. it is just fun roleplay! of course i wouldnt walk into traps. i am the trap, right? and the bait! and the tease! but yeah, i admit, proven by my irl, that i am lacking a lot in the self-preservation department! 🙀

[bunbun-is-happy]

as my anniversary gift, i want to get beaten up and raped! like normal style, falling to the floor and all! idk why he is laughing. i cant help what pops up in my head and panties! i hope he doesnt laugh, bc he thinks im a stupid bitch. although that gives me nice feelings too. i hope it is bc he likes the idea. for a moment i thought what if they kill me as gotcha anniversary gift. that would be kind of heartbreaking.

this is the first relationship in which im the one watching over the anniversaries. im giving him something written, signed with a drop of my blood. 😂 after all i have to follow up what i said to him in the beginning about signing my soul over to him.

[bunbun-is-happy]

he dropped me off on his way to work.

why does he have to show up so early? it isnt war. he eats breakfast there, so he told me to immediately make some for myself and send him a pic. and he told me wont pick me up tonight, i should relax and stay home. good for my ass, bad for me. i feel like he is punishing me for acting up. i feel unsettled. one moment im happy, the next i want to cry. today was rough. i think for both of us. it started out so good. he ordered food in, we talked, laughed, watched a movie. then he asked me for my phone. no problem. he was surprised that i have no lockscreen. what for. he asked me who everyone was in my whatsapp and deleted everyone he said i dont need anymore. so cute possessive! that made me giggle. i dont really mind! does that mean we are a thing? i sit between his legs, he says i need to drink more water, opens a bottle, holds my head, sticks it into my mouth and just starts pouring it in, im drinking, and he wont stop after what would have been normal. im sure i managed to drink like four glassed before i was fucking choking on it and coughing and he wont stop. just told me to take my hand off and poured the whole 1,5 liters in. it went all over me, coming out of my nose, i thought im going to fucking die. i admit, at that point i started breaking the rules. when he let go of me, i crawled away from him, coughing my soul out, and he sits there like bent forward his arms on his knees just watching me quietly. it felt like i was trying to cough the water out of my lungs for five minutes. my stomach hurt so bad, i thought im going to throw up. when it finally stops somewhat, he gets up, says the carpet is wet now, look at the mess i made, and that he has to punish me for it. i was mad! i told him punish me for what, he almost killed me, nobody can drink that much water! and he asks me quietly dont i know how to behave and smacks me so hard that i fall on my back, i didnt expect that, i was honestly in shock and suddenly he grabs my ankle and pulls me away towards who knows where. i had no idea what was going on. i was probably a bit scared of what he was going to do to me. i think he just did it bc my nose was bleeding and i didnt feel it because i was wet and he wanted me off his rug. i just kicked him so he would let me go. he wrestles me to the floor, i half scream that i want to go home and to let me go. he tells me to stop fighting him, what am i going to do anyway with him lying on top of me, we insult each other, he me more than i him, and then he just fucks me raw, no nothing. i feel i stopped moving that second. it was rough, but i got into it fast. then he made me crawl to the playroom, playfully kicking me over a few times and talking shit and laughing. and then he made me stand there with my hands behind my head, handcuffing me, turning the collar around and fixing a rope hanging from the ceiling to my collar, gags me. i thought he is going to beat me, but he walked out and just left me there for a long time. i think i spotted a camera in there, not sure. anyway, hated it and when i had to really really pee, i got lets say restless and mad again. i tried to pull the rope down, kicked the wall, of course screaming for him was no use either. but he did come! but just stood there, watched me trying to tell him i needed to use the toilet, laughing making fun of me, i was so fucking mad i kicked his leg, and he punched me in the stomach. good, now i know how it feels. dont need that in my life ever again. and he just holds me really tight and asks me why im fighting him so hard, that i have no chance against him, dont i know it just makes him hard? and lets say he was squeezing me too hard and i couldnt hold it in anymore. and he asks me if im pissing, if im that scared of him and laughs. i tried to cut it off, but i pissed on him and the floor. that was my new low point in my life. i was fucking mortified. i thought he would get mad, but he just holds me and tells me no matter what i do, he wont let go of me, that im perfect, we are perfect together, and i just start to cry.

[bunbun-is-happy]

so, where to start. my wonderful kidnapping fantasy. nope, it wasnt that. i was taken there by taxi. only the driver knew the address. it was dark already. it isnt that far away, maybe 15 minutes by car. he paid. already a good start. loved his voice, loved his body. really tall, built like a tank came to my mind, but more fatty muscular. black hair, almost black looking eyes, lucky, exactly my type, but pretty pale white, not tan foreigner looking, hairy arms, no beard, hint of stubble, i think it is called shadow, looking good, not model pretty, but really good package with a pretty confident grin, i think he was a bit amused by how nervous i was, i should have taken the hint. looking like about 30, im pretty good with guessing age, but he never told me. plain black shirt and pants. we matched. so far so good. lucky bitch! and then he takes me to this room and im like fuck, that is the last thing i wanted. a bdsm room. not much in it, just some leather topped bench thingie and a chair and a mirror. i kind of froze, because i hate bdsm and doms. i mean really hate those bitches and i wanted a kidnapping game. i thought i would meet some rando bitch who would do some rando stuff to me, like talk some trash, maybe slap me. i didnt really expect much to happen other than getting tied up and fucked. my fault. i didnt define it clearly enough. so i did undress when he told me to. i was there to have fun, right? he put a collar on me. funny that just a few days ago i was talking about a collar. and while he put the collar on me, he told me, there would be no safeword, because he would gag me and check in on me instead. he didnt ask if i was okay with it. very dominant. i like. nobody ever gagged me before. how can i know what i like until i tried it? that is why im up to almost anything. i thought it might be fun. i thought it might be fun!