You Are Not Me (shadpio fic snack)
Something is wrong. You don’t smile today. I’ve asked once, but you said you were fine.
“I can take you back home if you—”
“No, really. I’d rather stay.”
You leave your backpack on the floor and hurry to get the milk steamer going. Are you avoiding me? The present I got you waits on the table, untouched. I hesitate to bring it up.
Frowning, I approach you and cross my arms. I hate this. Should I have attended that party? You said you were fine with me not going.
Ugh… Rouge would know what to do in a situation like this. What would she say?
"You wanna know what’s on his mind? Then ask him."
I already did. He’s so quiet he’s making me look friendly.
…You’d probably laugh at that.
"Then ask again. What are you afraid of?"
Afraid. …Am I afraid I’m the reason?
“Espio,” I try again, keeping my voice steady. At least this time, I make you look up from the coffee grinder.
Those eyes… something is wrong.
“Tell me what’s wrong,” I say softly, “so I can help.”
You’ve ground the beans too coarsely. At this rate, your coffee will be ruined. I step closer and start helping with it, adjusting the grinder without asking. You’re too distracted to protest, and you don’t seem to mind.
You watch me work at your side. I catch the hesitation in your eyes, the way you look away as you let me finish preparing the coffee for you.
“It’s nothing…”
Ah. …So there is an “it.”
“And how big is this ‘nothing’?” I ask. “I bet I can take it head-on.”
I catch a sheepish smile out of the corner of my eye, and something warm floods my chest. I’ve finally reached you.
“Pretty big. Strong, breathes fire, and full of sharp teeth.”
Like a dragon…?
Ah. No. This isn’t one of your metaphors.
It’s just one dumb, loud, green crocodile, isn’t it.
I lock the portafilter into the coffee machine and turn to look at you. You look terrible.
Vector is lucky you call him family.
“I’ll never understand… no, never mind.” I’ve learned not to question your dynamic. You share, you laugh, you fight, make up… it’s not just Vector. Those two make you laugh and curse like no one else, yet you insist that’s how family works.
That is not how it worked for me.
But you are not me.
It’s always worked out in the past… but I’ve never seen you this distraught.
I don’t dislike Christmas. But people grow overly emotional around these dates. That’s why I prefer to avoid gatherings when I can.
Maybe I should have attended this one. Could’ve given that detective a stern warning look and—
“I know. You don’t have to,” you reply, looking away, pulling an invisible rug from under my feet like the ninja you are.
Because I do want to understand one day. You lot just don’t make it easy for me.
"Then ask him!" Rouge’s voice infiltrates my thoughts again, like the spy she is.
“I’d… like to,” I try. It comes out weak. At least my coffee is still strong.
I serve it with the milk you prepared, but I stall when I look at you again.
I’ve never seen your eyes shimmer quite like that. You’re trying so hard to hide it that you’re starting to blend into the furniture behind you.
I forget the coffee and turn to face you fully. “Come here.”
It never worked on me, but there must be a reason I’ve been offered hugs so many times in the past.
I half expect you to refuse, like I know I would.
But you are not me.
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Inspired by this beautiful art by the talented @aleespace-art
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