#alexgodman

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Maybe I just have a fixation with his mouth or something, but I love watching James Norton eat. Maybe it's in his contract that he always eats in his movies or shows or something so that his sugar doesn't drop too low. I can make that joke. I'm genetically predisposed to diabetes.

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Mr. Godman is ready to meet with you.

Okay, I hate Fifty Shades, but I just imagined Alex Godman as Christian Grey and I'm *ded* now.

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If Alex Godman wuz my bae, part twelve:

"I can take care of myself, Alex," I told him as he once again insisted on my need for a bodyguard over dinner.

"Trin, I know you've been taking self-defense classes, but Krav Maga can't really save you from a bullet, no matter how good you are." His voice was gentle, not mocking. "Look, my parents and Katya already have their own bodyguards and they don't find them intrusive. Please, my love, do this for my peace of mind."

I took a deep breath and conceded, reaching for his hand across the table. There was an attempt on Mrs. Godman's life last night, but luckily her bodyguard Jenny was there and the assassination was foiled. Ever since then, Alex has become more vigilant and paranoid, and with good reason, as it turned out.

"I can't believe this is happening to us. This is all so crazy, Alex."

He squeezed my hand tightly. "I'm working on keeping us all safe for good, Trin. I have a meeting in twenty minutes in Lambeth. I'll only be an hour, a couple of hours, tops. I'm taking Joseph with me. Trin, look at me."

I raised my head and met his gaze, afraid of the intensity I found in his eyes.

"I want you to lock all doors and windows while I'm gone. Don't let anyone in, alright?"

I nodded jerkily, unable to think of a thing to say. I thought I'd been handling this pretty well, pretending to be a badass, getting myself a gun. In truth, I was terrified. Alex was dealing with the Russian Mafia and God only knew what else.

He went around to my side of the table and kissed me deeply. "I will do everything in my power to keep you safe, Trin. Believe that."

I watched him put on his suit jacket and tie, reverting to Corporate Alex.

Before they left, Joseph came up to me and handed me a 9mm Beretta. His backup gun, he said. "Do you know how to use this?"

I looked at Alex, then back at his bodyguard and nodded.

"It's pretty much a point and shoot. Nine in the clip and one in the hole. Don't point it at someone unless you intend to shoot them."

The gun felt solid and real in my hand. I thanked Joseph.

"It's on safety right now, don't forget," he said. "God bless you, Dr. Tanaka."

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James Norton Talks About McMafia

James discusses the development of Alex Godman and the evolution of the storylines in McMafia. Gosh, I love that slight hitchhiking "r" at the end of his short vowels.

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If Alex Godman were my loverrrrr, part eight:

I relayed my suspicions regarding Antonio Mendez to Alex that night in our bedroom. He said I was being paranoid because of everything that's been happening. I asked how he knew Mendez and he showed me the class of Harvard Business School the year he graduated, online on his laptop.

He pointed out Mendez. "I didn't remember him at first, though," he said with a frown.

I pressed on. "Well, he looks nothing like his picture."

Alex shrugged. "Erm, he's lost a bit of weight, got contacts and a new sense of style." He put away his laptop and turned off the lamp on his side of the bed. He reached for me, nuzzling my neck. "Let's worry about it tomorrow, malishka."

I melted immediately as he began to kiss my throat, jaw, and ears. "Alex," I protested, though I was weakening.

"Turn off your light," he ordered huskily.

With a shaking hand, I obeyed him and hooked my arm around his neck as he covered my body with his own.

The next day, we went out again on Antonio's yacht and I was more circumspect around him. It was our last day on the Riviera and we were planning on flying back to London in the evening.

Alex told me that I still had to play nice with Antonio because the man meant to invest $100 million into his funds. I wondered about the wisdom of this.

Alex is one of the smartest men I know and I'm sure he's looked at this from every angle, but didn't he suspect that something might be fishy?

I never know what's on Alex's mind anymore. I braced myself against the railing and tried to enjoy the air. I was at port side, while Alex and Antonio spoke in the cabin. I was getting a little seasick, I said. I just couldn't stand watching Alex schmoozing with such a slippery character anymore. This was completely out of character for him.

My heart skipped a beat as someone wrapped his arms around me from behind. Before I could panic, Alex kissed my cheek and said, "Missed me?"

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If Alex Godman were my bae, part seven:

Alex seemed relaxed during our flight. We had a few cocktails in first class and made out like a couple of teenagers. The older couple adjacent to us were appalled. The ice building in the pit of my stomach thawed a little.

We flew to Nice Côte d'Azur, which took about two hours, so I took a nap while Alex fired up his laptop. I was feeling pretty good about the start of our holiday until we reached our destination.

We were to stay at the villa that belonged to Antonio Mendez, a friend of Alex whom I'd never met before. He was one slick individual that put me on high alert at once. He was way too familiar, for a start, especially with someone he was meeting for the first time.

He led us to a beautiful patio in the back of his mansion where he already had a party of friends at a table, eating and drinking. I was sat next to Alex along with a lovely American woman on the other side of me whose husband was in import/export.

It wasn't too long until I sensed the change that had come over my beloved. He had become tense again, like a tightly coiled spring. I could practically see the veins in his neck and noticed the precise, controlled manner of his speech. If possible, Alex was more stressed out now than he was in London. What was going on?

The next day, we were on Antonio's yacht and Alex made a good effort to chill out, but I could still feel the tension within him. When Antonio challenged him to a swim race and they disappeared behind some rocks for a few minutes, I had an absurd fear that Alex wouldn't come back. Why was I so afraid?

I nearly wept in relief when Alex resurfaced and climbed up the rungs to get back on the yacht. Though he was wet, I threw my arms around him and told him I loved him.

He pulled back, cupped my face, and kissed me deeply. He told me he loved me too and was doing everything he could to preserve our way of life. I wanted to ask what he meant, but Antonio was already coming up behind him. At the sight of him, Alex shut down again. It confirmed my suspicion that Antonio was not to be trusted. But why would Alex bring us here?

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If Alex Godman were my man, part 15:

On the fifth time that Alex visited the hospital, I finally allowed him to enter my suite. He looked terrible. Usually on a weekday, I rarely saw him outside of a suit, but today, he was wearing black jeans, a teal jumper over a white shirt, and a black hoodie.

His eyelids were swollen and red-rimmed, he had the shadow of a beard, and just looked despondent. I was suddenly alarmed and thought maybe there had been another family tragedy that Katya hadn't told me about.

"How are you, Trinity?" he asked, his voice hoarse as if from disuse. He was still standing by the door and had yet to approach me.

"Well, you know... I got shot, Alex. I almost got killed."

He broke into tears and rushed to my side so he could wrap his arms around me. But I couldn't hug him back. I couldn't raise my arms to return his embrace.

"I'm so sorry, Trin. I shouldn't have left you alone. I should have protected you better."

The last time I saw him really break down was at his Uncle's funeral, then he almost lost it again when his father attempted suicide some months back. He was sobbing in my hair, but I couldn't get myself to comfort him. I just felt so numb.

"I'll make everything okay again, Trin, you'll see. Everything will be just the way it was."

But it wouldn't. It couldn't. I pushed him away, so I could look him in the face. "I would have forgiven you eventually, Alex, and we would have been okay again eventually. But because of your actions..." I sobbed, unable to continue until I took a deep breath. "Because of you, I lost my baby. And I won't be able to get pregnant again, Alex, because to save my life, they had to give me a hysterectomy."

The expression of pure horror and heartbreak on his face almost did me in. "Oh, God, Trinity, I'm so sorry. Please forgive me."

I could barely speak through my tears, but somehow I managed it. "I don't know if I can, Alex. What you've done... I can't... Just go away, Alex. Get out!"

He tried to put his arms around me again, but I shoved him away. "I don't want to see you anymore, Alex. Get out of here!"

He left.

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If Alex Godman were my boo, part 14:

I was in surgery for six hours. The bullet hit my uterus and my placenta ruptured, so I had to have a hysterectomy. I lost a lot of blood which resulted in me being unconscious for a while and in a medically induced coma when Alex first visited. Katya, his younger sister, related to me what happened later.

Alex had barged into hospital distraught, tears streaming down his cheeks. He was told I was in surgery and would be for a while yet. He sat in the waiting room for hours with his family, along with Joseph and his parents.

When the surgeon finally came out, he told Alex I was going to live, but not everything that happened. I knew Dr. Hardwick. I woke up briefly before I was wheeled into the theater and asked him not to tell Alex. I wanted to tell Alex. Dr. Hardwick was reluctant, but he agreed.

When I woke up again, I was in a hospital room, surrounded by flowers. I stroked my womb and cried. I was four months along, but hadn't told Alex because the timing never seemed right.

The door opened and Katya walked in. She saw me crying, threw her arms around me, and we cried together. So much had been lost in so little time. She hadn't told her parents, she said, because it didn't seem fair that they should know when Alex didn't.

"He's out there, you know. He's been waiting to see you. But I told him I need to ask you first."

I told her thanks and wiped away my tears with a Kleenex. The thought of seeing him right now was too painful to bear. "I don't want see him right now, Katya. Tell him I can't."

She swept my hair out of my face and nodded in understanding. "I know, Trin. My brother should have protected you and the baby better."

I gripped her hand. "Please, Katya, don't tell him about the baby. I want to tell him myself. And I can't right now. It's just too much." The last part came out in a wail.

Katya hugged me tightly to her once again. "Oh, my poor sister. I'm so sorry about what happened to you."

I pulled away from her and tried to blink away my tears. "I need you to look after Alex now, because I'm not sure I can do the job anymore."