congrats on your follower milestone ali! since it’s the holidays, and bc ‘last christmas’ is my favorite christmas song, how about malec + ‘last christmas’ for a song to inspire you? <3
prompt me for 1k followers celebration fics!
(also available on ao3)
I'm going to propose to Camille tomorrow.
The message lights up Alec's phone at 9pm, on Christmas Eve. He's sitting around, watching It's a Wonderful Life alone in his apartment. There's an inexplicable sinking feeling in his chest, and Alec idly rubs his fingers together, watching the chat he has with Magnus on his phone. Magnus is typing again.
Do you think it's a good idea?
No, his heart says. No, don't marry her. She's crazy, she's trying to make you something you're not and I miss the old you. I miss the Magnus Bane I met in college, the Magnus Bane that was my best friend. The Magnus that partied until dawn and did whatever he wanted, fuck what anyone else said. The Magnus that was proud of himself, no matter what.
Ever since Camille, it had all been different. She'd tried to make him respectable, saying stupid simpering things about how Magnus' reckless actions reflected badly on her and her reputation, and how he was disappointing her. And he actually listened. She was manipulating him and it worked.
But Alec had tried to talk him out of it before. Magnus wouldn't listen. She had him so good, that the only thing he could do was wait and hope that Magnus saw it himself. They'd all tried. Ragnor, Catarina, Izzy, Raphael.... but if Magnus didn't want to listen, he wouldn't. He was too stubborn to talk out of anything.
It didn't matter what he told Magnus. He would do whatever he wanted anyway.
If you think you should, then do it.
There's a pause. The screen blinks with little dots. Magnus is typing.
Thanks, Alec. You're a good friend.
That should be enough. But there's lead in his stomach, and a vague feeling of sickness in his soul. He sits there for a moment, alone, watching George Bailey walk through the horror of the world he had wished for.
His fingers hit dial on his phone before he's consciously realised what he's doing.
"Hey big brother. What's up?" Izzy asks chirpily.
"He's getting married," Alec says with little preamble, the preoccupation evident in his tone. "Magnus. He's going to propose to her tomorrow."
"Oh, Alec." The sadness in Izzy's voice makes him feel worse.
"It's fine. He's happy," Alec says flatly, wishing he could believe it.
"But what about you?" Izzy asks.
He's a man in love with his best friend, too afraid to say anything, too afraid to ruin their friendship, and too afraid about what the world would say. Magnus was always the bold one. Magnus was the one who showed him how not to care. And that was gone. Without that.... if Magnus couldn’t be bold, then how could he? Magnus was with Camille. And Alec... Alec needed to move on.
"I'll be fine," Alec says. And for a moment, he believes it.
We're not getting married.
It's the middle of Christmas Day. His mother is fussing in the kitchen, whilst Luke pours the drinks. Clary is moving a beautifully decorated cake into the lounge, whilst Izzy and Maia are curled up together on the couch. It's maybe half an hour from turkey o'clock. Phones are probably banned about now. He's supposed to be setting the table. Instead he's looking at his phone, text from Magnus drawing his attention away.
What happened?
He’s spending the day with Camille's family. Alec had been surprised to hear that at the time. He hadn't imagined there would be a Christmas Magnus wouldn't spend with his mother. But instead she was at Ragnor's place, with Raphael, Catarina and Madzie, and Magnus was on the other side of town.
She said she never loved me like that. That it was never serious.
Alec swore. That bitch.
Alec walks out of the dining room, past the lounge and down the hall to his old childhood bedroom. He feels Izzy's eyes on his back. She's the only one who knows how he feels, and she obviously knows something's up with Magnus. But she leaves him be anyway.
As soon as he closes the door, he dials Magnus' number, praying to God that he picks up. It rings once, twice, three times. By the time it reaches six, Alec's wondering if Magnus is going to pick up at all. But then there's static, and the sound of traffic in the background. Magnus is obviously not at Camille's place anymore.
"Alec?"
Oh God. Magnus sounds like he's been crying. Alec can remember every single moment that he's heard Magnus cry in extreme detail. It's usually serious. Which means this isn't good.
"Magnus. Where are you?" Alec asks immediately. Magnus takes a deep breath in, seeming to gather himself.
"Somewhere on East 96th? I think. I don't know."
That's not far from Camille's apartment.
"Where are you going?" Alec asks.
"I... I don't know. I just... I thought...I'm such an idiot." Magnus mumbles, and Alec immediately hushes Magnus down the line.
"No. You're not an idiot. You're not an idiot for hoping for something amazing."
"You tried to tell me. Ragnor and Catarina and my Mom... oh God, my Mom," Magnus says shakily. "I can't see them right now."
"Come here," Alec says automatically.
"Alec, I couldn't interrupt-"
"You won't be."
"Your mom probably already got all the food ready-"
"We have room for one more. We always have room for you."
Magnus breathes in deeply.
"Okay. Okay," he says, almost trying to reassure himself.
"Get on the subway. I'll meet you at the station," Alec promises solemnly.
"Thanks, Alec," Magnus says softly, so softly that the emotion leaks out of every sound.
"I'll be with you the whole way here. All you need to do is message me," Alec promises. He's never been happier that his phone is fully charged.
"Okay. I'll see you soon."
Half an hour later, he's standing at the subway station, wrapped up in a winter coat, waiting with open arms when Magnus stumbles out of the station, looking for all the world like an utter wreck. Alec can't help but reach out, and Magnus falls into his arms with a warm hug that's such a contrast to the bite of the cold air around them.
An hour later, and Magnus is squeezed onto the corner of their dining room table, sitting between Maia and Izzy, laughing at a joke Luke just told. His smile lights up the room, and Izzy shoots Alec a pointed look. Alec just shakes his head softly.
He shouldn't be happy for his friend's misery. He shouldn't be happy, given how this all happened. But for all the world, it feels like Magnus is home.
He'd feel guilty if it didn't feel so right.
And then he remembers he's in love with a man he can never have. And suddenly, it doesn't matter.
A year later and it's 9pm, and he's watching It's a Wonderful Life again. Alec's not quite sure when this became a tradition for him. Last year it was just on TV somewhere. This year he actually sought it out.
In some ways, nothing has changed. He's still going to his mother's place tomorrow, spending Christmas with the same people. But in other ways, it's different. His sister finally moved in with her girlfriend. Alec didn't know how she'd waited this long - she'd been head over heels for Maia for far too long. Clary graduated art school, and his mother actually started dating Luke Garroway. Alec liked him. She seemed happy again, something she had never really been with his father. That’s a fact Alec can only recognise now, looking back.
Things were better. And yet some things never really changed.
Are you home?
Alec picks up his phone, the message from Magnus glowing on his screen. Magnus' profile picture is different from last year. He's visibly happier. It's a picture from Pride a few months ago. They'd gone together, along with Izzy and Maia. They'd dressed up in rainbows and danced through the day. Alec had fallen a little more in love, something he hadn't even thought was possible.
The picture is one of them together, Magnus' arms slung around his shoulders, the blue, pink and purple of Magnus' make up sitting next to the rainbows on Alec's cheeks. Magnus had painted them on himself. Said it was time to embrace the spirit of Pride. Magnus had spent the last year teaching him how to truly embrace his identity. Pride had been a celebration of all the things that had been missing between them for so long. They’d laughed and joked and drunk a little too much. Alec had never been happier.
But he still wasn't brave enough to say what he wanted to say.
Yeah, why?
The reply comes quickly, which makes him think Magnus was waiting on him.
I'm outside your apartment.
Alec frowns, getting to his feet and heading to the window. He pushes it open, leaning out into the cold night air, looking down at the street below. And sure enough, Magnus is standing there, looking every inch the supermodel as the snow flutters into his hair. Alec feels his heart leap a little, and he smiles. Magnus always looks amazing, but something about the image of him standing on his doorstep on Christmas Eve, snow falling through the air.
Alec shuts the window, heading to his door and pushing the buzzer to let Magnus into the apartment building. He then unlocks his front door and leans out into the landing, watching as Magnus walks up the stairs. His cheeks are flushed red. He looks amazing.
"Hey. Didn't realise you were visiting," Alec says, leaning on the door. Magnus smiles softly.
"Neither did I," Magnus admits, and Alec moves aside to let Magnus into the apartment. It's a Wonderful Life is still rambling on his TV. But Alec can't bring himself to care, when Magnus is lighting up his drab little apartment more than a ton of Christmas decorations could.
"What's up?" Alec asks, instinct telling him this is more than a social call. He closes the door softly before pulling his hoodie tighter around his body, yanking the zip closed.
"I was with Ragnor. And we were talking. About last year."
Last year. Last Christmas, when Magnus had decided to propose to his heinous bitch of a girlfriend. At least she'd been enough of a bitch to refuse. Magnus was better off out of that relationship.
Magnus had tripped through a few rebounds over the year. But he seemed better now. Happier. He hadn't dated anyone since Pride, actually, but he seemed good. Maybe it was a sign of progress. Something had changed that weekend, and Magnus was all the better for it. Alec could tell.
"Yeah?" Alec asks, leaning on the back of his sofa. Magnus is standing in the middle of the room, snow gently melting in his hair. The glowing of his Christmas tree sets off his makeup with a glow of yellow and red and green. It's a vision.
"He says I give my heart away too easily," Magnus says softly, and Alec shakes his head.
"Being willing to take a risk like that is brave," Alec says honestly. After all, he'd always been too much of a coward to do it himself. Magnus smiles, shaking his head in return.
"I don't know. Something he said made me realise I already gave it away to someone else."
Oh. Magnus is in love. Alec wonders how he didn't know. Magnus has always been good at keeping his own counsel when needed. No doubt after the Camille business, Magnus wanted to test things out himself. He’d probably had enough relationship advice to last a lifetime.
"Oh," Alec verbalises. "Well, I'm happy for you. When can I meet them?" He says the words on autopilot. He finds this strange feeling, of meaning the words but also not, also desperately, strangely hoping for the impossible. But Alec's never said anything. He's never been brave enough, and things do not just fall into his lap like that. He's not that lucky.
Magnus chuckles softly, and Alec feels his heart sink a little. What does that mean? Something bad or good?
"You know, I should have realised sooner. But I guess I was just... I never really thought I could be that lucky." Magnus reached up, toying with the button on his coat. Alec frowned a little. "I should have realised years ago."
"What are you talking about, Magnus?" Alec asked.
"It's you, Alec."
His whole world freezes.
"And look, if you don't want the same things as me, it's fine," Magnus rambles. "This doesn't need to change anything, but Ragnor was just talking about his relationship with Raphael, and he made me realise what love really is and how I've been looking for all the wrong things and.... honestly, I've had a crush on you since that mixer at college, but I never wanted to rush you and you seemed more comfortable with-"
Alec pushes himself off the sofa, moves across the lounge in two steps, and presses his lips against Magnus'. It's a flood of emotion, of longing and years of hoping and wishing, and as Magnus' lips move against his, Alec feels a rush of endorphins like nothing else. He's kissed guys before, but nothing like this. Nothing that's a rush like this.
Magnus pulls away for a moment, but Alec can't help but give chase. The kiss lasts for a few seconds more before they inevitably break for breath, foreheads bumping together gently. As their breaths intertwine, Alec can see the individual shades of eyeshadow on his face. Magnus has never looked this beautiful, Alec swears, even if it's probably not true.
"Wow," Magnus breathes.
"I should have done that a long time ago," Alec whispers quietly.
"How long?" Magnus asks.
"Ever since you talked me into having pizza and nachos at 4am."
Alec remembers the night well. A late night of studying at college, followed by a party Alec never would have been brave enough to go to alone. Magnus had looked beautiful, dancing under the neon lights, and had still gone home with him. They’d ended up eating cold pizza in his dorm room after, lying on the floor and talking about nothing and everything. There was something so intensly beautiful about the man lying beside him, past the physical attraction. It was in that moment Alec had realised he couldn’t imagine life without Magnus. That he didn’t want to.
"Oh," Magnus murmurs. Alec shakes his head softly.
"You were always with someone else. It never felt right," Alec tells him softly. "And after Camille.... I'm sorry I -"
"No. I'm sorry I didn't listen to you in the first place. You've always been there for me."
"So have you," Alec retorts. Magnus opens his mouth again, but Alec just leans in, pressing another brief kiss to Magnus' lips just to get him to stop talking. Also because he'd wanted to do that for so long, he was going to savour the luxury of being able to now.
"We're here now. That's all that matters," Alec replies.
After a moment, Magnus nods in agreement.
"Spend Christmas with me?" Alec offers. "Your Mom can come too. Hell, I'll invite the whole of Brooklyn if it makes you happy."
Magnus chuckles softly, and nods. In the background, the bells are ringing for George's happy ending in the movie, and Alec can't help but feel the bells are ringing for them too.
Everything feels perfect.
It feels like home.