When you saw the calendar event pop up you thought it was a joke, something between the medical staff at the station, clicking the event message you giggle at the event name again.
'Penis Inspection day'
Sighing you scroll down and expect a joke message about the event except it wasn't, scrolling down there is officially assigned roles and tasks for each member of the medical wing, names and times for shift change at the event. Your boss had signed off the event with a brief to download, the document is filled with information about intergalactic sexual infections and the protocol for treatment of said infection, the event being undertaken is only done before or after a mass interspecies deployment.
In a week's time you would be joining your fellow medical officers in inspecting the genitals of the aliens that were returning to the station.
The coworker that you thought made the event as a joke comes over not long after you had read through the brief, smiling as he laughs that it's your first year here and obviously you didn't know about the inspection days. They giggle as you stare at them blankly, asking if they are kidding, slumping against your desk as you lament the awkward situation your about to be in, shooing away your coworker as you do your best to try and recenter yourself before the days end.
To say work was tense for you was an understatement, part of you was dreading the inspection day next week, and a smaller more quiet part was excited. This would be the most contact with aliens you'd have beyond the medical scans they get when coming onto the station for trade, and those barely lasted one or two station day/night cycles, so it's no wonder the day of you wake shakey and tense.
Would you offend one of them? Could you stare too long during the assessments? What happens if one of them gets excited? How much touching is too much? What if one has teeth?!
The panic must be evident as your boss comes by your station, dropping the files of the aliens you would be inspecting off, closing the door behind her as she approaches your desk. Leaning against the corner and running through some of the usual encounters on inspection days, quelling some of the nerves and adding silent fuel to some of your own internal fires, she smiles at you before leaving, even throwing a cheeky wink over her shoulder as she tells you to remember the interesting ones.
After she leaves you take a few minutes before pressing the button for your first inspection, holding the file for the alien as he comes through the door, inside is his translated medical file and a set of photos of what his species genitals should look like if not carrying or afflicted with anything, instructions clear that if it deviated in any way they are sent for indepth tests and inspection.
You smile awkwardly at the alien in question, pulling on your first set of gloves as you ask them to open their uniform to allow for inspection, trying your best to be professional as you greeted with a long barely their slit that ran from the mid point of its chest down between its legs, the alien looks eagerly at you as the translator around its neck interpreted his words, almost cooing at you about having to coax it out first.
The wink and smile from your boss makes sense now, internally you wonder how many of these aliens you will have to coax into being able to be inspected, and how many will actually need further assistance...
They'd been told humans were easy to deal with, eager almost, so why is their subject so feral?
Two scientists, an unprepared guard, and another random lab tech had been bitten or threatened with one of the movable items in the test area. The human was certainly panicked and hostile despite the medical crew's best efforts. Right this moment, the human in question is standing on the far bench, holding a tool tray and smacking at one of the security officers. The repeated clank of the tray to the helm is almost humorous to some of the other staff, as the moment the officer reaches forward, the hollow clank of the tray sounds out.
Between screams in one of the languages of earth and threats to urinate on the officer, the human has begun to show signs of slow-building exhaustion.
Another loud clank sounds from in the chamber as one of the researchers uses the com system to try to talk the human down again. More screams are heard from within as the human subject seems to almost come back to full feral force, pushing the security officer over and climbing the nearest high cabinet.
Far beyond the lab's bounds, watching through the security cameras is an elated creature, just another alien by this humans' standards, but this particular interstellar resident is beyond excited for their chance to meet you. This particular case of human collection was on their request after all, happily chirping and clicking their mandibles as they watch your next bout of human rage from atop the cabinet you'd climbed, dismissing another ping requesting the right to sedate you, no, they wanted to see you in your most wild state!
They knew they'd picked well; you were such a perfect fit from the lineup they'd been shown. Now it's just a matter of this pesky lab work, and then you'd be able to meet!
Stars, they can't wait, but till then, they simply must see how you attack with that little tray again!
Imagine being work besties with an alien of an almost immeasurable age difference.
Chilling in the break room of whatever station, shuttle, ship, or colony you both work on, messing around on your comms unit and telling them you would marry their kid to have them as family. Only for them to pull out their other comm unit and look at something, before responding to you with info about their child that would be the equivalent age to you in their years now.
You laugh as they ask if you could be into women, namely alien women, telling them you could be as they show you a picture of their daughter.
Older alien bestie that tells you they will find out if their child likes humans, and put in a good word for you, only to look at you curiously when you remember they told you a year ago that they had a male child. The alien you work with delivering a deadpan response of and now I have a daughter, I will find out if she likes humans, almost squinting as they try to see if you'll say anything about this change in narrative from the past.
Sighing in relief as you shrug and tell them once again, you could be into alien women.
You're not quite sure why you didn't scream when you first saw them, or why snatching up a pillow and brandishing it became your next move, but here you are. Standing in your living room, a pillow held above your head ready to be thrown, and across from you is a creature, you want to say alien, but this situation seems already too far-fetched.
Finding your voice, you yell at them to get the fuck out of your home, face scrunched up in confused anger, hoping the panic running through you will be enough should you need to get out of this situation quickly.
The strange creature across from you smiles, or attempts to, lipless mouth slanting up and opening just enough to show some teeth and whatever this thing had for a tongue, more garbled words pour forth before it settles on the language you speak, "No, no, I safe! Cupid!"
In its hand is what looks like a very complex syringe, but hearing the word cupid, you cringe, snapping back at the creature, "No, cupids are little fat baby things with wings, and you're... You're not that! So leave!" A pillow is still being brandished like it will save your life.
The creature repeats the word cupid, pointing to itself with its free hand, stepping closer and stopping as you pull the arm with the pillow back more, tapping its chest area and repeating the word cupid again, "Cupid, cupid, I cupid, you have love soon!" This thing walks on the balls of its feet, appearing taller and taller as it moves towards you. The two of you circle each other, walking around your couch like something from a movie, stepping backwards as it taps its chest again, speaking up, "Cupid! Me, cupid, come love soon!"
The short space between yourself and the door disappears quickly as you bolt, rushing out of your living room and away from the strange alien creature, scrambling into your backyard and startling when you see the creature is outside now. In the daylight, you can make out more details on this creature. Its head has a mess of strange, thick grey tendrils that seem to mimic hair, and its body is a deep blue-black merging of endoskeleton plates and soft pink blue flesh.
The alien chirps the word cupid at you again, pointing at your leg and smiling at you, looking down at the strange syringe-like item from earlier now sticking out of your thigh, "oh come on.." your voice slurs for a second before the alien pads closer, catching you as the rush of panic fades and whatever was just pumped into you hits.
Looking up at the face of the alien, you mutter a few select words before slumping into its hold.
Just imagine. Perverted older alien catching you staring at his mandibles, you work on the same ship as him and just csnt help but stare
(Im totally imagining mass effect turians for this lol)
For you cryptid... I do this for you.
(also while Garrus isn't my type, pre reaper Saren could get it)
-
You just couldn't help it, the way the plating of his face moved, the click and chitter of the mandibles, how the structure of his face moved as the translator in your ear relayed his words. It is beyond captivating, sure you have worked with others of his particular kind but there is something about him, about how his face plates and mandibles moved that just drew your eyes, watching him over the scrolling text on your data slate.
You'd thought yourself sly as you watched him, but every time you've stared at him, he had been staring right back.
The blessings of facial plates like his kinds is that other species don't know about the almost translucent parts of their plating, sections made for peripheral vision while not having their eyes fully exposed, these sections made it easy to watch as you stared at him.
He'd caught you since the first time you looked at him, how your eyes followed the twitch and shift of his plates, it was endearing at first, but now it's something else entirely. The way you trace the lines and curves of his mouth, his plates, the chitter of teeth on his exoskeleton when he speaks, it builds a warmth in him. It feels like the anticipation of mating, of having done all the work and playing of courtship that leads to bedding but all he's done is let you watch him.
There is a small, growing part of him that wonders if he asked you to join him for a small work issue if you'd watch him more, something that requires him to strip his deck uniform off and expose more plating, more parts for you to look at. The idea makes him click, the mandibles on his face shifting to chitter drawing the attention of one of his kind that also works on this deck, he knows they can tell he's feeling some kind of way from the noise he let out but as quickly as the moment came, it went.
Records on you tell that there is a decent gap in ages, sure terra had a different calendar to his home planet but even by the galactic standard count there is at least seventeen years between the two of you.
Pulling himself back together as he waltzes over to your station, leaning against the side of your screen, looking down at you and asking if you were free to help him with a task. Doing his best to mimic a smile at you as he pretends not to watch your eyes trace the flicker of his mandibles, leading you away from the others as he knows he can feel other plates shift and move under his deck uniform, sharp talons click along the grating of the deck below your workspace.
It won't be long before he knows just how far down your curiosity's stare will take your eyes, and just how eager you are to know about his people's forms.
Welcome to your new home! It's been curated by a cupid to be the best for you!
Don't worry about how far away earth is, that doesn't matter anymore...
This is the second part of my Valentines day drabble.
There is a little more explanation about what the alien was doing coming for you/what it is.
Happy Valentine's Day 💘
When you come around again, you'd hardly call the sedative induced state sleeping, you feel like shit.
Your head spins, your teeth ache, and your mouth is both too wet and dry at the same time. Squinting as you open your eyes, half expecting to find yourself on some sci-fi metal bed with restraints and strange tools waiting to be used on you, only you aren't, looking around you're in a bedroom, a very nice bedroom, one that looks like something you would have seen in an aesthetic post about dream rooms online.
Slowly you adjust to the light and take everything in, everything looks expensive, everything looks human.
Sitting up, you take note that you're in pajamas, the same ones you had been hanging out when the strange alien had appeared in your living room. That alien had not only kidnapped you, but took your laundry too? Looking around more you note there are more of your things in the room, not just clothes. Trinkets and various collectables are mixed in amongst the decor, the freak of an alien had robbed you too! Groaning, you shift, looking around one more time before putting your head in your hands.
The world spins slightly as you try to make sense of what has happened, drugged, snatched, and robbed, now in some strange room filled with expensive shit and items you suppose were meant to make you feel comfortable. Nothing makes sense, and thinking about it just makes your head hurt worse.
You can't even think about getting off the bed you find yourself on, the world spinning as you attempt to sit up. Slumping back into the pillows you groan, eyes growing heavy again as you slip into what you hope is actually sleeping this time.
When you wake you almost have the hopeful feeling of waking at home, clinging to the idea this was all some wild couch nap dream, yet opening your eyes you see the same room, the expensive decor mixed with your stuff, and you want to scream, to throw things and get the attention of whatever has you here but you dont. Pressing your palms against your eyes before getting off the bed you shuffle towards the only window, or what you hope is a window, pushing the curtains open slowly, braced for almost anything as you do.
The world outside the window is breathtaking, floating islands with structures made of something like coral and marble, the sky is a deep black with streaks of purple and green light flickering across it. Pressing your face against the glass you look down further, mouth open as you see streets with blurry figures moving along.
Pulling back, you can't help the way your body jolts as a strange looking creature swims past, you follow its path marveling at the sight, it almost looks like a mantra ray but larger, and see-through. Something familiar and yet still so alien, it's almost calming to just stand and watch as this creature moves past the window.
Your moment of calming revelry ends with the sound of a door opening, the same alien that had snatched you up stands there making an attempt at smiling, practically preening as they announced themselves as 'Cupid' and gesture for you to follow them as they turn.
As if you haven't had your life turned upside down, and now stand very, very far away from home because of them.
The door it appeared from is on the other side of the room, so you wait before going near, not wanting to get surprised with another sedative so soon. Gingerly you follow them out, it's instinctive the way you try to spot anything you could throw, vases, books, lamps, your fingers brush against them in thought to pick them up but the sight beyond the windows stops you, this isn't earth, you could very well be unable to breathe if you ran and managed to find a door.
So you don't snatch them up, you drift your fingers over them, more human looking items in a foreign place.
Like you.
Eventually you find your way to where the alien had gone, standing half in the doorway hovering as you watch it approach another strange creature. This one looks odder, it's body looks like it was made of the night sky, flecks of light that glimmer like stars in a black purple space, sprawled across the couch, your couch, it sits on, behind it are what could only be called tentacles that curl and uncurl as it sits there.
There are other features you can barely see, it looks like this other alien has prosthetics, mechanical looking arms and legs from the elbow and knee down, not that the hands of feet come even remotely close to human, but nonetheless you hesitate before stepping into the room properly. Listening from where you are, as the alien that kidnapped you speaks to the one on the couch, taking something from its hand before leaving you with the new alien, you watch as it practically bounds out of the room, disappearing.
You weren't expecting your language to come from this new alien's mouth, head jerking to look at it as it speaks to you. Patting your couch and trying to coax you over from the doorway, two large black voids watch you as you step slightly closer, a purr like noise filling the room when you get within arm's reach of this new creature.
"The cupids told me you would be perfect, and look at you, a terran! Truly I am blessed to have found my match, did you wait long for me? The long match is always dreamed of after all..." The more it speaks the more questions you begin to have, sitting on the far end of your stolen couch as this alien rambles at you.
"I had almost given up on my long match, but the cupids never fail! Here you are, my perfect mate, you know I don't think one of my kind has been with a human before but if the cupids say we are hormonal and pheromonal matches then it simply must be!" One of this things tentacles winds around your hand, almost mimicking the act of holding it before tugging you slightly closer.
When you finally get a chance to speak the rumbling purr grows louder, the sound of your voice clearly pleasing to it, you ask about the cupids and the long match it spoke of.
The explanation you get isn't as comforting as you'd hoped.
The alien that had kidnapped you is a cupid, the closest term in your language, a group of cloned aliens that are dedicated to finding matches throughout the galaxy. Everything from similar proteins, hormonal response, pheromones, and even dietary requirements are taken into account by those things before they hunt down a perfect fit for the person that hired them. The long match is simply this alien's term for life partner, it explains that they only get one in their life and the cupids are their response to finding one that is meant for them.
It is a lot to take in, but as you sit there trying to understand what has happened to you, the alien holding your hand on its tentacle keeps speaking. Ambling from topic to topic, somehow ignorant of the frozen state you are in.
"Do terrans not dream of their long match? The cupids said you have soulmates, perhaps that is the same thing! But we must get you comfortable first, then when the time is right we can attempt a joining!" Something grows brighter inside this alien's form as it speaks about whatever a joining is,"Ohhhh how new and interesting our spawnlings will be, like I said I don't think one of my kind has ever been with a terran before, after all, your kind isn't even out of its home system bounds yet!"
You find yourself playing with the tentacle wrapped around your wrist for a moment before looking up at the alien, feeling more and more alone as it speaks.
"You know I believe you may be the only terran in this colony now... I cannot wait till you adjust and I may show you to my sprawl! They will love you so."
Your dear alien wasn't a morning person, they barely grumbled or groaned as you tried to wake them, it's now well past nine in the morning and all you can see is the spined and ventways across their back moving with purely synthetic movements to make their breathing style more human acceptable.
And you were stuck under them, used as a convenient heat source as your phone pings endlessly with messages from someone about something they have deemed important, only with every ping you can feel and hear the rattling hiss from your weighted alien blanket. You can barely get out a whine as you watch the thick scaled tail swipe your phone to the floor, rumbling happily as the pinging noise gets muffled by the carpet and blanket that had slid off during the night.
It's easier to just claim your phone died and answer later as you reluctantly relax back into your bed, the sleeping alien sprawled across your chest nuzzling the flat plane of their face into your shoulder as they return to resting.
For such an otherworldly creature your partner sure had some behaviours that reminded you of a grumpy old cat, the kneading of their webbed claws into the mattress as they lay atop you was one of them but the way they rumble and purr as you gently wind your fingers into the thick biomesh, that could be called hair, is the biggest reason you tended to think of them a sa rather large space cat.
Trapped as you are you make the best of the situation and gently run your fingers across the plains of their back, touching the soft membranes and muscled divots around the moving vents of their back. The feeling of them purring grows more and more as you touch them, smiling as you look down and see four large black eyes peering up at you, they are still clearly very tired as they chirp slightly before letting their eyes fall closed again, wrapping their arms around you and hurrying their face into your chest.
Thankfully it is the weekend, and you could sleep in, but you know that you will have to establish some kind of routine to free yourself when needed, after all there is only so long one can hold off the morning needs before one of you has an accident.
The main deck for your crew is silent most of the time, so the sudden and harsh sound of your knuckles and wrists cracking is startling for most of the aliens around you.
It had been so long since you had been without other humans around that it was easy to forget how odd humans were to most aliens, your nearest crewmate is quick to grab your hands looking them over and letting their mandibles click with concern before their translator kicks in and they ask why you would do such a thing! Still moving your arms about as they try to see the damage that surely must have come from such a loud pop and crack, it's hard to not laugh as you tell them you're fine and that humans do this from time to time.
Explaining that you had simply increased the space between your joints and dissolved some of the gases that your body makes, which leads to the popping sound.
Apparently that answer doesn't help calm your crewmates, and the rest of your work cycle is spent in the medical bay, simply listening to the med-droid explain human behaviours and habits, most of which aren't common outside of the sol system or its colonies. All while you sit smiling, watching as the two crew members with you try to come to an understanding of why humans would need, let alone want, to do such things like 'Cracking joints' or 'Trimming nails' who knew you could get such joy out of mundane human activity?
Especially as humans have been on interstellar postings for nearly a millennium now, who knew some aliens still didn't know how weird you guys can get.
However, with your new found ability to show off all of humanity's odd behaviours, another member of your crew has just learnt what humans can smell like as they feel unbridled enthusiasm and entertainment, the scent lingering thick and strong around you even after you come back from the med bay, it's hard to hold back the sounds that want to leave them, the feeling of the protective plates that keep their species sex safe and covered begin to move.
The way you smile at them as you crack your ankle, sends a chittering rattle down the equivalent of a spine, the plates and spines clicking as the cloying scent of a mate searching floods across their senses.
The next port visit is almost a month away, whatever ancestors look over them, give them the strength to survive you till then.
