#allie james

[evelynq69]

Top 5 Porn stars

Tori Black

2. Riley Reid

3. Maitland ward

4. Penny pax

5. Allie James

[mydarlingdearestdead]

Karma bowed his head, inhaling hurriedly against an invasion which threatened his airways. He was choking, in simple terms. Choking on responsibility. On the war between passion and obligation. The desire to do the best possible for those who had given up their lives for him and to pursue that which allowed him to glimpse a future of joy.

"I can't-" He gasped, forcing the unyielding words beyond his lips, "Can't even write anymore. I-"

His sobs reverberated into the eaves, showering down upon him in their aftershocks. Tears wet his cheeks, clinging stubbornly to the underside of his jaw.

Remus and Allie continued brightly in their conversation, not quite pleading ignorance. Oblivion, perhaps. For an instant, Karma dared to wish he may be recognised for what he was. For the cursed, twisted thing which reigned within him.

But Allie acted, through no fault of his own, with only a portion of the puzzle. He laid his palms against the table ledge, rising with an smile, impersonal yet radiating warmth regardless.

Still, somehow, Karma managed to muster a feeling of recognition from the action, regardless of intent.

[arsphotographica]

[evelynq69]

Allie James

[evelynq69]

Allie James

[mydarlingdearestdead]

No, I do not believe I was constructed with consistency in mind. On a Monday, I invent an identity for myself and by Tuesday afternoon it has been abandoned without care or regret. Wednesday morning, perhaps I decide to invest in philosophy. Afternoon rolls around, I'm a nihilist.

Mama calls me spirited. Katie, impossible. Karma, emotional. I would say 'Manic', if they cared to ask. Allie avoids the subject entirely. Brilliant for a melody, that Allistar, but far from the desired accompaniment when handling a delicate topic.

Delicate. Another word of Mama's, the one she employs when rationalising to my father. The situation is delicate, Charles... No, you can only make it worse.

I wonder now if I ever possessed a concrete opinion on anything, or if I ever will. I wonder if I am even capable of pretending. If the agonising head ache which encroaches upon me in moments of shattered identity is to be a permanent fixture. If my bedroom would be preferable in a lighter shade of green. If, in twenty years, some eager, bright-eyed doctoral candidate will present me as an anonymous case study.

I suppose I am of the belief that I need to be studied. My god, how narcissistic is that? I wish you wouldn't think less of me for it, truly. When you're born to the chorus of camera shutters, you hardly find time to adjust to anything foreign.

[mydarlingdearestdead]

Karma had lifted a ball of twine from Remus' desk and now, as he laid upon the carpet, he threw it effortlessly into the air and, just as effortlessly, caught it once more.

"How would you feel if... If there was a notorious thief, going about, stealing everything- All your possessions, your words, your soul- and regurgitating it all into something vaguely recognisable. And the weird part? The weirdest part is that you are the only one who seems concerned. Everyone else is- Is not even passive; They're encouraging it. Prompting it. Helping it grow and giving it resources and support."

Remus and Allie exchanged glances. Karma spoke in monotone, largely without great emotion or emphasis. Although, that fact paid its due, his face was contorted into a scowl.

"Everyone knows that one day you won't be around to feed it anymore. One day you will be obsolete. How would you feel?"

Swallowing, Allie opened his mouth to reply. Remus, however, managed to beat him, "It won't be like that." They said, a soothing presence.

Karma snorted, "I won't be there to see it regardless. I'd kill myself first."

[mydarlingdearestdead]

Remus could not claim themselves to be experienced in instances of romance or infatuation. They were not an authority on those matters for reasons glaring obvious. Yet Allie was not someone who could stomach a denial, even one of such kindness.

So, Allie lay upon the plush carpet of Remus' childhood bedroom, lamenting, "This boy he just... He makes me feel like there is nobody else in the entire world, Remus, but- but we're friends and I don't want to lose that-" Terror flooded his features, "No, I can't lose that. I can't act on it. And it's just a crush. It'll go away... Won't it?"

He looked to Remus for aid, eyes wide. There was blatant horror in his expression, a measure equal to the hope in his smile. How they despised themselves for being the one to destroy that hope.

"Your anonymous love-" Remus began.

Harshly, Allie interrupted, "I never said anything about love!"

They conceded kindly, "Your anonymous crush isn't worth the loss of a friendship, dear. I'm sorry to say it."

His expression shattered. Why must they always act as the voice of logic?

"Oh." Allie's voice was small, shrunken, "Yeah, okay. Makes sense. Thanks."

With that, he rose to take his leave, mustering a smile.