#alohaxxdanielle

[alohaxxdanielle]

🖤🫧🧊

[whatifwechange]

You Deserve a Wild Love from a Gentle Soul 

July 2, 2018

I haven't written a journal in a minute or written a blog of some sort and my life has been so busy and confusing these past couple months. 

Jahisya. 

Let’s start some time in March. I met a boy… I mean I already knew him but his name is Jahisya and I really like him, a lot. We’ve talked ever since, he's been there since Terence and Kareem and all the other guys I told him about but he shot his shot and aimed right in my court. We hit it off and started going out on dates and such. (Bowling, A lot of movies!, Sit in the car and talk, Dennys, Downtown Brampton, etc). I made sure this time I didn't tell anyone about him except saying little things like “going on dates, and saying there is a new guy but no one in particular”. I felt like everytime I had something good going for me and I told someone it always got messed up and I wasn't trying to have that again. He’s really fun to be around and we relate and connect which is good. It feels good to have someone to talk to when you're feeling down sometimes or even excited abut something. I don't really get to close or personal with people so for me I give a little at a time. I want to be bold with my heart and the people I feel for. 

As much as I want to tell people more about me and open up, people always give me a reason not to and I just keep everything to myself, There was a little point in time when we didn't see each other for almost two weeks and honestly I felt things slipping and it kinda sucks when you want things to work but you have a gut feeling that somethings off. We talked about it though and everything is good and I guess you could say the “fire” is here again or the “spark”. 

This is the furthest I've ever been in a “relationship with someone”. Its been 4 months thus far BUT we are not dating (truly anyone that can talk to me for more than a week deserves an award, but … if anyone knows me, they know I love the attention and people claiming me to be theres. I love the kisses and the hand holding and making people know that it’s something. Its not that I want the attention from everyone but it hardly feels like I get it from him. I shouldn't have to beg for that kind of stuff, right? Aside from that, he doesn't drive, yet. Soontimes, I literally had to convince him and bring him my laptop and he signed up. Obviously you cannot change a person and absolutely nothing is wrong with him, he actually listens to me and is very sweet and kind. I find myself always thinking about him all the time and wanting to hang out. I just want someone who can never get enough of me!

Characteristics I like about him: 

Kind 

Caring

Loving 

Thinks about others

Truthful and Honest 

Loyal 

Patient 

Understanding 

Funny

As you can see he has some great qualities and I am very lucky to have him. To be honest, the “relationship/situationship” is moving quite slow. How can I be yours and not be yours and we are unable to tell your own friends. I’m just waiting for him to be bold and act like he “likes me”? I know he does but sometimes it doesnt. We try to hang out often because texting doesn't cut it a lot fr a lot of people. You always need to be in person and find new qualities about the person. I know for me in particular I need to see a person I like in order to keep the vibe going and have the ongoing fire that you have when you start liking someone. 

I guess all in all, I have to find a way to build my courage and vulnerable state so I'm able to allow others in. I've never done this before and I'm still learning, still stubborn and unbearable guarded but I'm figuring it out. 

Thing I look forward to: 

To be more open 

More comfortable 

More vulnerable 

More loving 

More adventurous with each other

More bold

- Recent Dilemma -

At the beginning of the month of June, Billy came out of nowhere and told me he was falling for me. This legit came by surprise because he would always tell me to call him “kuya and brother” and he would give me advice on Jah Jah and all the other mans in my life. Billy has been a literal rock in my life AND I FEEL LIKE CRYING WOW ! Ok well he's been there for me and I would have never thought we would get so close the way we have but we did. Since that confession he's made, we still talk and at first it was super friendly but somehow recently I have literally fell in “like or in love” with this kid. I think about him all the time and I can't get him off my mind half the time. We hang out after work or before work or even days we don't work. He's fun and bubbly and gives a fire to my life that I've never had before. He's so confident in his endeavours and makes me feel wanted. Theres so much I can say about this boy but i’m just going to keep it in my head. 

The only thing is I'm stuck between the two and I don't want to be stuck, I want to know. I really like both but Billy has all the qualities I want Jah Jah to have and maybe I'm being selfish keeping them both and a little shallow, but I want Jahsiya and I to work rather than Billy, but he’s my Kryptonite. 

[alohaxxdanielle]

Saw this on someones instagram story. And im ready to read some Parisian novels!!!

[alohaxxdanielle]

Thank you unicornabi..... In love 💗🌸

[alohaxxdanielle]

This is media exam is honestly teaching me so much, and although it's taking forever media studies and law class/ a teeny tiny part of drama- due to my teacher) has taught me a lot this year about multiple things that are going on in the world that I was totally oblivious too. Once you even know a slight bit of the truth it's pretty scary but it makes you dig even deeper. Big brothers watching. 👀

[alohaxxdanielle]

Oh geez, I'm not trying to raise my voice or be disrespectful. I'm just trying get the respect that I rightfully deserve. Parents can be such assholes, I think we are just bubble brains and finally when we speak out with some intelligence and with a higher voice and stand up for what we want.... We're disrespectful. Sorry, want disrespect? Suck my 🍑

[alohaxxdanielle]

Been listening to this playlist studying for math, but I live for these songs. This playlist made me dance like a superficial space cadet that Cher would approve of.

[alohaxxdanielle]

I finally used my Christmas money to go shopping and bought three things! Topshop stole my money... $70 worth of jeans, sorry wallet.