The Weight of the Wait
I just took a scroll through my entries from the last year. It seems like a lot of them are about waiting. In fact most of the people I know are waiting for something-- waiting to start school, finish school, start dating, get married, have a baby, get a job, end a job, leave home, go back home, get a new this, finish an old that....
Since getting back to the states two months ago I've been waiting to get a job, vehicle, apartment, and see the fruition of all the wedding planning. Today Michael and I received two amazing fulfillments off that list in one day. He drove home in our new Sonata and I secured our new apartment (technically his for the next 45 days). Things are coming into place! ...but don't let that fool you-- there will ALWAYS be more to wait for.
I could be cynical and say that we humans are never satisfied. I could go on about how it's an epidemic, then a subsequent 5-step guide to how to stay in the present and how research shows it lowers stress and increases overall satisfaction with quality of life. I could.
Or I could invite you to explore this question with me: If we are enjoying the time leading up to exciting moments and milestones in life, is it still considered waiting?
There are roughly one-thousand sixty-eight hours that crawl between my surname changing. I know from experience, having had great anticipation of different events through the years, that it will come and go before I know it. Sort of like a train seen from long in the distance. It looks as if it will never arrive; just a spec frozen on the horizon. Though it is actually approaching. The speed and magnitude multiply. As it rushes past me I wish I could reach out and slow it down with the sheer power of my will. I wish I could hold it forever.
Knowing the wedding will be only a brief moment in light of the rest of our lives spent together, I want to appreciate the days leading up to that moment. I want to praise God for the privilege of representing the church, His bride, in great anticipation of His return. The ultimate wedding feast, when every expectation is shattered in the absolute fulfillment of all His promises.
Ok yeah that's beautiful, but let's be real-- Michael and I on separate ends of the room alone in the days leading up to our wedding.....the "anticipation" is so thick you'd need a freshly sharpened steak knife to get through it. I'm convinced this is all part of the plan, even when it's achingly difficult. We've honored one another through the weight of the wait, and the interest on delayed gratification??? I'll let you know in a month and a half ;) Until then I know God, the designer of all intimacy, designed it this way and He has yet to let me down!