18. things you said when you were scared
Sam was always scared. For someone who had literally stared the devil in the face, he was easily scared. He lived in a constant state of fear, of anxiety. He was never scared for himself, he was scared for Dean, or for Cas, or for Gabriel. He was scared for them in the same way he had been scared for his Dad, or for Bobby, or for Ellen and Jo. He was even more scared for the people he still had because for everyone else his fears had come true.
He was never scared for himself. He would pay more attention to his brother and the angels than he would himself most of the time.
“Sam!” Gabriel would yell, when that inevitably lead to him getting hurt. “Sam, Sam, Sam, are you okay?” The archangel would kill every last monster in the place in a split second, wasting more of his energy than he should, and rush across the space towards him. “You fucking idiot.”
Sam would nod and let his angel fix up however he’d been hurt. He’d let him help him up and he’d hug him tight, and once Dean and Cas were gone, he’d let him kiss him as if his life depended on it.
“You need to stop doing this Sam.” Gabriel scolded. “Watch what you’re doing, we can look after ourselves just fine.”
“Sam? Sammy, please stay with me, just give me a second and I can fix it up.” Gabriel coughed, choking on his tears.
“Fuck, be careful Sam, you clumsy asshole.” Gabriel yelped, catching him as he managed to fall off the ladder on one of the bookshelves in the bunker.
“What’s the matter? You started screaming in your sleep Sam.” Gabriel shook him awake in the midst of a nightmare.
The reason Sam was never scared for himself, he thought, was because Gabriel was. And when Gabriel was scared he always, always, said Sam’s name.
“Gabriel! Gabriel, stay with me.” Sam sobbed, holding his shaking form close.
“Sam.” Gabriel whispered desperately, his eyes were wide, the whites shone like moonlight. “Are you okay, Sam?”
“Yeah, I’m fine, I’m fine.” Sam gasped, holding tightly at the hole in his side. “I’m okay Gabriel. I’m okay.”
Cas pushed him gently out of the way and placed his hand on his brother’s forehead, muttering in a language Sam didn’t understand and circling the other hand in the air above the wounds. It had just been a dagger, it didn’t even look like an angel blade. Sam was just grateful it hadn’t hit his heart, and Sam was so so scared.