Can a fictive get stressed to the point of causing a split of another fictive (like one they, as a character, would be close to in their source)? How many fictives from a source can you have before you're seen as fake?
That sounds reasonable, yeah. The issue isn’t really how many fictives you have- it’s not healthy to be splitting off this much. There isn’t a cap to the number of fictives you can have, but I want to make sure you understand that splitting off further is something to be prevented and that professional help is a good idea. It happens, but I want you to feel better and to be able to cope with things going on without splitting off further. I hope this makes sense.
How long does it take alters to split off/form? And does it vary from system to system? I've seen some people say it takes weeks for them, but it feels more to me like it takes anywhere from between a year to a year and a half for mine.
It absolutely varies from system to system, I couldn’t tell you for sure. Sometimes a trauma event will cause a relatively quick split (faster if you’re younger, generally the quickly created alters will not initially be as complex).
But yeah, if you’re still splitting occasionally, it would make sense for it to take longer. It really does vary depending on the person.
Our co-host is not in a good mindset while making this post. Please be gentle with him. Splitting is a sensitive topic and changed him a lot. Complicated relationship with identity, relationship to another headmate, and splitting blow the cut. Please feel free to comment/reblog with your own experiences or thoughts about this.
I'm going to color code any plural pronouns referring to the entire system as this color. Any others can be assumed to be talking about me and Eye.
I've briefly talked about this before but I wanted to expand on my experience as a split. That is, me and Eye were one alter. The "original" alter. From what I can gather from Angel, Eye was the one keeping everybody from showing themselves to "us?" me? At the time Eye wasn't technically separate. We thought of ourselves as one person. When Angel presented he wasn't able to actually control the body like he wanted to because Eye stopped him, that is, a part of "me" stopped him. We rejected Angel as a headmate and were angry at him because we felt like he took away our control. Eye masking everything made the whole system upset. He was preventing them from doing their job of helping us. He thought he could handle it on his own and he was still deeply in his own denial, and I was too.
We had the same thoughts. I was part of him. I'm partially responsible. For some reason I feel deeply sad that I am not going to be that close to someone again. I have been assured (not sure by whom) that maybe it is possible. We've never fused before but it can happen. Makes me think about garnet in steven universe. Do you think plurality comes natural to gems in a certain way?
Anyway, splitting off of Eye has been a strange experience. I have a lot of complicated feelings about it, and him. I feel very lonely, we formed two alters already to help with this. But I also feel kind of relieved. I feel sick saying it. I miss him because we aren't the same. Neither of us exactly have a physical form in headspace. I almost feel responsible for our split. But at the same time I understand that splitting was necessary for us to accept being a system, and for the others to communicate and maybe eventually front. We had such strong different opinions it was unavoidable that we would split in two. If you look back in our first few posts you can see me and Eye drifting apart a little (maybe it is just our memories making it easier). At first I didn't know what to do with myself, I still felt parts of him in me because I was him, I had never been anything but us. But as time goes on I feel more individual. The others are more comfortable around me too.
It feels weird to call myself "I" or just use a first person pronoun because that is what Eye was always meant to represent. He controlled the system and was the one core identity. He controlled all of it and was the only one we could refer to as ourself. He chose to call himself Eye/I so that could be true. I almost feel like I should come up with some new way of talking about myself that doesn't say "I" at all. I don't think that I will but some times it is more disorienting and disgusting to me. Saying "I" doesn't feel like I'm talking about myself. Our bond feels traumatic in some ways. His presence makes me feel intimidated and scared and like I need to hide myself and us from other people. That is his role as the mask. I understand in some ways that I'm just carrying the trauma of our past, and that is why I'm reacting like this. That's my role. To be his other part, the traits of our origin that he didn't take with in the split.
It's just a weird way to be. Like I described in my post talking about how headspace looks. I'm stuck in the front area. It's been easier to go further the more I try to visualize but I always come back. I am physically strapped to front with a headset I cannot take off. It gets in the way of me bonding with the headmates that seem so eager to help me and take care of me. I can't embrace someone without it stopping me. I can't go more than a few feet away without risking damaging our equipment, I guess our body maybe too. I can feel the cords forcing me back into reality, into focusing on fronting. I'm a nightmare. Most systems couldn't imagine being stuck fronting permanently because of the exhaustion and agony. The worst part of this is, Eye split. Eye isn't stuck anymore. The antagonistic, self preserving, spiteful, protective, part of us is in headspace. Not exactly free to do what he wants considering his lack of consistent form, but he can go as far away as he wants from front. Not only do I have to stay here and control the body but he made sure that it is as hard as possible to let someone else front fully. He doesn't care how his need for control impacts me or us. I hate him for his actions and splitting just as much as I miss him.
However, I want to go back to the benefits of us being separate. It is easier to get by now that I'm not as scared and can unmask. We don't hold our anger as well, and can ask for help when upset. We don't fear judgement half as badly. We have more energy and clear thinking now that he is holding our masking. It's just such a strange identity to be a split. I've never seen anyone talk about it either. Actually, its part of the reason I don't currently have a comfortable name. Nobody in headspace says a name to get my attention, they just think about me and I know they want me to look. I hope I can get more comfortable as myself instead of us, even if that idea makes me feel upset. If I focus on the parts independent from us and that I can embody on my own, I hold a lot of our joy too. I am able to feel happy and engage in our hobbies without shame. I can be active and motivated and other things.
Sorry about two mostly negative experience posts in a row.
