Hey Guys So This Is Just a Little Serious Talk
A good amount of stuff has happened to me here recently. This post will be talking about an abusive relationship/partner. No physical abuse is involved, but sill read at your own risk if it may trigger you.
I don't usually post any super involved posts unless I have some sort of meaning to say/something important to get off my chest. But not only will this be for me to get everything off my chest, it will also hopefully get you to look into your own lives of yourself and friends/family and help them out.
I will be using a fake name for the guy involved, just in case something happens. His name will be Patrick for this post.
I met Patrick though OKCupid in June of 2014. We met up almost instantly, and because I was going through a rough patch I spent the night in a hotel with him alone on our first meeting. We talked for a couple of weeks after, and eventually got together in early July. The problems started occuring at our second met up in late July, where we were riding back to my house from my friend's.
I had said some little funny joke, and he blew up. I was just staring out the car window and he started yelling at me to tell me what was bothering me, which caused me to cry and him to yell more. Not once did he apologize for that moment, but that was the first of many.
We saw differently when it comes to a lot of things whether it's politics, feminism, abortion, and so on and so forth. I enjoy having conversations on these subjects, though, and generally like to hear both sides of the story. What I don't enjoy is being told I'm stupid for thinking what I do, being called a murderer for something I believe isn't wrong, and told that women are less than men. All while also being told to sit down, be quiet, and let him do all the talking since I'm obviously in the wrong and wasn't allowed an opinion anymore.
I was fine with differing opinions, it's not as if I was dating him because we were the same person just in different bodies. What I did have a problem with was being called stupid and told my opinion didn't matter.
Now when it comes to sex, I'm usually a rather rough person. I like to be taken control of most of the time. I'm also bisexual. Just because my fetishes and sexuality are those, it doesn't mean Patrick should be able to tell me that he wants to shove himself deep in my a** while I'm asleep and have me wake up screaming in pain. It doesn't mean that when I tell him I'm spending the night with a good friend of mine that he has the right to tell me that I want to fuck her and eat her out. It doesn't mean that I want to be forced into a threesome, into a gang-bang, into having sex with his best friend. It just doesn't mean that.
In late September/early November I debated with the idea that I might be in an emotionally abusive relationship. I never really decided, or completely admitted, I was in one until early December when we took a trip together and he yelled at me in front of several people at Walmart, over a bag of BBQ chips.
The other day I attempted to break up with him. However, he has pictures and videos of me I'd rather not have the world see, so I tried to blame it on me having terrible depression (which isn't a lie, but that wasn't the true reason) and needing space. Patrick's response? "We aren't breaking up, that isn't happening." He continued to go on to say that I'm just giving up on this relationship, that being apart will make my depression worse, and all these other things. It took me an hour to get on a "break". This break consists of us being "officially" broken up, but still loyal to each other in the sense of not sleeping around. It doesn't mention anything romantic, though, and yet he's still controlling the sexual part of my life. He is also making it to where we don't tell friends or family, which I've told plenty of friends, in case we get back together.
I asked Patrick to at least delete the pictures he has of me with my face in them, since I know there's one or two. His response? "They're my favorite, I'll do it when (if) we break up." He also mentioned how the 20 or so he has he looks at every night. I know for a fact I've never sent that many nor have I posed for that many, which means he's been taking pictures while I was asleep.
Please, if you're going through anything like this then think about the situation. If you know anyone who is going through this then talk to them about it. They may need you. There are signs of people possibly being abusers (abuse runs in family, verbal violence, being controlling, etc). Be careful. Please.
And for those of you wondering if I'm okay, I am. Once this gets settled then I think I'll be the happiest person in the world. I'm probably going to post another text post about why I will be super happy, but as for now this needs to be the only thing serious for this post.
Abuse is a problem, a huge one, and everyone, no matter their race, religion, or sexuality, can go through it.
