#amputeer

[racointeur1]

OKAY,       MAYBE      YOU     WERE      FUCKING      SPIRALING!      there’s     goddamn    .     .     .        whatever      the      fuck       running      around       the       campgrounds      &       for      all     of      the     bear      jokes     you’ve    made     tonight,       you     don’t     actually     want    to     fucking     die     by      one.       “i     never      thought     fucking     super     -      charged,     extremely     pissed     off      bears      would     be    the    fucking    way    i     go    .     .    .      make     sure     they      engrave     that      on      my     tombstone,      dyls.          i’m      serious.       if     i     die     by     these     fucking     things     and     nobody    even     knows     about     it,      i’m      going     to     be     so    fucking     pissed.      it’s     got    to    be    like      top     ten     fucking     deaths     too,      right?      a      little    -----     wh   ----”       

pacing     is     brought     to   a      halt      and      breath     catches     in     throat,      you     barely    register     @amputeer     even     grabbing     you      let     alone     grabbing    your    face.        his     hands     are     warm     &     a     little     soft     &     they     do      a      good     enough     job     of     grounding     you.       your    own    hand     stills     in     the     air     from     the     expressiveness    of    them    prior,      and     eyes     hold    his    gaze    through     big     lenses     once     you’ve     blinked     yourself     back     into      the     moment.       

chest    is    rising    and    falling    at    a    steady     pace,      lips     slightly     parted     to     expel     soft      breaths.        gone    are    the     thoughts      of       bears    &     the    very    real      possibility     of     being    eaten     by     one,      opting     instead      to     think     about     dylan’s    hands     &     dylan’s     closeness     &       dylan     .      .       .       you     barely     register     the    way     your    gaze    drops    to    his     lips     until     you’re     realizing      you     have     to     glance     back    up.    “     .     .     .      what’s    the     plan     now,      dyl?”

[  FACE  ] :  receiver won’t stop talking. in an attempt to get them to stop, sender grabs their face, underestimating the intensity of the act.

[techniwonder]

❛ i don’t know how you do this every day… ❜ for dolores !

dolly.

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀“      well,    it’s not for everyone, ”    dolly takes an old pack of cigarettes from the back pocket of her tan slacks;    whatever brand it is is unknown because of how faded the image is, and how the paper box has started to wrinkle from being tossed around.    she places the cigarette in her mouth, fumbling through the pocket of her jacket now for the lighter; she talks with it hanging between her teeth,       “  you gotta have grit, for one thing.  ”

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀she finds the lighter and quickly lights her cigarette.    she takes a long inhale, and then blows out a cloud of smoke,    letting it fade into the orange sunset sky.    dolly pulls it out from her lips and holds it between her fingers, the way it slips into place so naturally makes you wonder if all that smoking has left a dent in her fingers.

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀“ you’ve gotta fight if you even wanna be slightly relevant. ”    dolly shrugs, and faces the other way from dylan,    “ everybody thinks reportin’ is just about pictures and writing, but that’s only some of it.    every part of the world is cut-throat,    because even though we’re not in the jungle anymore,    we’re still fightin’ for survival. ”

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀she takes a short inhale,    the smoke leaving her lips like they’re the words coming out of her mouth,    “ everybody wants to be at the top of the food chain.    not a lot of people are willing t' do what it takes, ”    dolly looks back at dylan, staring him down from under her nose,   subtly grinning,    “ but i am. ”

[thequarrey]

are there any of your muses that you feel would have a strong reaction if jacob were to confess to them the truth about the van ? what're jacob's relationships with everyone even like afterwards, knowing what he knows, regardless of if he confesses ?

honestly , i cannot think of any of my muses having a mild reaction to ja.cob confessing to altering the van ( except for laura , who feels removed from the entire group ) . . . i believe kai.tlyn & a.bi ( if alive ) would be the first ones to rationalize it : he couldn ' t have known that one more night in their home for the summer would be dangerous , let alone deadly --- they are the first ones to forgive . it takes e.mma longer : he did it because of her . . . he did it for her . and while she does agree with kai.tlyn & a.bi that he couldn ' t have known what the night would turn into , nor does she blame him for it . ultimately . . . it feels like a choice taken away . it feels like some sort of violation . she does not really forgive , but she does let go ( if not infected ) i believe n.ick takes it the hardest . the youngest of the group , he kind of idolized ja.cob : older , and by some standards , cooler . jacob who called him junior , and took him under his wing in a strange & foreign country . an older brother figure : that --- turned into a ja.cob who royally fucks up . he does not speak to ja.cob for months .

as for ja.cob : i don ' t see a scenario where he does not eventually confess . regardless on whens , and wheres . . . the guilt eats at him . it wakes him in the middle of the night , and settles like a pit in his stomach . therapy helps ---- he comes to the same conclusion as the rest : he couldn ' t have known . yet , he does not believe in it . if it weren ' t for him they would not have had to find out . he feels responsible for it . he feels responsible for them . so he checks in , periodically ---- with those who didn ' t cut him out . . . asks about those who did . makes sure they ' re good . makes sure they ' re safe . makes sure , once again , they know how sorry he is .

[quarrei]

ok wait i lied, one more : Why sailing ? 🤔

so i went searching cause i could have sworn somewhere i talked to a friend about ryan and sailing but the only thing i could find was that i totally could believe ryan probably did a lot of sport like activities before landing on sailing so I'm gonna elaborate some more on this w things in my head now

i can totally believe that he and his family, prior maybe to his dad dying and maybe still after (but less) probably went and vacationed in some sort of beach community where there were sailing lessons, and ryan, being a kid, was absolutely interested, which probably just sparked his interest in the sport. and i can literally see him continuing this every summer as well

this love for it probably continued whenever he started being a camper at the quarry, which i know he had to have been, especially if someone like chris was also there and supporting this interest. honestly, i really see sailing starting as a summer hobby

also, as someone who has grown up against the water, there is actually something very calming about being out there and letting the water kinda. just be there. and having some sort of trust with it. so i think ryan just also finds being on a boat calming? like he probably, when the campers went to sleep, just went out to the lake at night just to relax and be alone when he needed it. it probably cleared his head?

and then, i can also see as he got older and realized he needed scholarships and bulking up things for college applications, i can also see him practicing even more because he knows not only is this a hobby he enjoys, but he's probably a good sailer from all these years of practice?

idk how much this answers this q and how much this is me writing ryans "what sailing means to me" essay, but sailing along with animation are things about ryan i don't think we talk about enough? they're just as important to him and who he is as the podcasts are, so i love being able to think about it

[quarrei]

one more question, ummm. how would you interpret ryan's potential to go from a hard 'no nick's gonna be fine this is all okay we're not amputating' to then having the choice to agree to take off dylan's hand ? is it just like desperate panic, or do you think it's more that for a moment ryan did let himself believe that something weirder was happening ?

ugh this is another good one actually wait

honestly i think for ryan, and how i at least played it that night, it maybe was a little bit of both, though leaning more toward desperate panic.

with nick if i recall right, there was literally more of them gathered together, it was before anyone realized how bad things were about to get, and i think ryan probably had a much more clear mind and was able to be his more rational self.

with dylan, it was just the two of them in the radio house with everyone else a distance away and something outside that was willing to attack them. ider if nick had turned at this point, but ryan still knew for sure something was horribly wrong and probably not totally natural and that he had to do something to save dylan in that moment.

had maybe someone like kaitlyn or abi or something been in there with them as well, saying that dylan would be fine and that they didn't have to cut his hand, maybe he could have rationalized a little more, but yeah, i think there was a lot of desperate panic in the moment where ryan chose to cut it off.

[werewo1f]

would max accept a hug . could . . . could dylan hug max.

max would ADORE a hug he'd love a hug from dylan very much

[rotturn]

i was looking for a full day for this post that was like the "god didn't let us interact because he knew we'd be too powerful" meme and it was about max and dylan but i can't find it so pls pretend i sent that to you just now 🙂

its so true tho so right dylan and max wouldve been…… oh it wouldve been so good

[quarrei]

HIS FIRST & ONLY THOUGHT TO GO WAS right back to camp . he's not sure why , at least not exactly . it's not like he was coming back with the good news he had envisioned when he first left with laura . but truthfully , where else would he go ?

as he makes it back to the grounds , sun starting to slowly break over like a movie scene , ryan pauses momentarily when he sees @amputeer walking out of the main building . he takes another step closer to dylan , taking a moment to survey the scene . " ------ is everyone ------ "