i lied this isn’t that much better than will’s // rip me i have an inability to write well today.
there was a time — not very long, as it would seem — that nick just wanted portia OUT of his ( && by extention his brother’s ) life. wanted her GONE, wanted nothing to do with her. ( though a LARGE part of that may have had to do with her RELIGION, and an even LARGER part with her father. ) he’d sworn, from the moment nigel’d declared his love for her, that she would bring nothing but bad news. that NOTHING GOOD could come from getting ATTACHED to her.
and somehow, somewhere along the lines, they’d begun to patch things up. it was a slow healing process, and it took a lot more effort on NICK’S side to admit his FAULTS and make his apologies, but it began to happen. she forgave him. he softened up. the proposal — and wedding happened. family. and as hard as it was for nick to admit it at first, he’s so grateful for her.
and then portia got sick. and nick remembered — nothing good would come from getting attached to her.
but it was worse than he’d thought. nick felt like a teenager again, helpless, and forced to watch as one of he people that he was so immeasurably close to dies right before him. he isn’t present when she dies ; he doesn’t want to be. but he’s empty, there’s an empty, hollow feeling in him, when nigel tells him she’s gone. and he’s ANGRY. angry, of COURSE he’s angry. angry is nick’s default emotion. he’s angry at himself, consumed by regret —— regretting the way he treated her in the past ; hey may have made up, but it doesn’t change the memories he’s left with. regret that he wasn’t sooner accepting, or supportive of portia. anger that he was right. that NOTHING GOOD would result from getting attached to her.
his baby brother was close to death, before. but nigel got better. now nick’s sister was gone —— and there was no recovery, no coming back. and he’s ANGRY that he’s so broken by it. that she left their family broken, hurting. it’s not her fault, and he knows this, but he needs to be angry at someone other than himself, and who else than the very cause of the pain ?
