shakespeare (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:・ﾟ✧

independent portia from the musical something rotten!

[troubadcur-blog]

stares intently at this blog.

[cxmocxmmando]

obscenely domestic starter sentences

❝ Stop man-handling the ice cream! ❞ ❝ Change the channel and I’ll kill you. ❞ ❝ You actual shit, you started without me!? ❞ ❝ Since I’m up, by default I will get your _____. ❞ ❝ Did you just throw a sock ball at me!? ❞ ❝ How about this, how about you fight the rest of the cereal by yourself and I’ll courageously make pancakes for those of us who want a little warmth in our mornings. ❞ ❝ Whiskey is a breakfast staple, anyone who says otherwise is fucking lying. ❞ ❝ My underwear are now bright pink because of you, thank you very much. ❞ ❝ Can you stop kicking me? ❞ ❝ I don’t go shopping I get and retrieve. I have a narrow focus, unlike some people. ❞ ❝ Did you walk the dog? ❞ ❝ You, me, PJ’s, pizza, bed. The PJ’s are optional. ❞ ❝ Only you could make the idea of beating up already dead meat sound attractive. ❞ ❝ I can feel you staring at me, why don’t you just come in? ❞ ❝ Good news; we have internet again! ❞ ❝ I don’t want to file taxes, why don’t you be the adult? ❞ ❝ You snuggling me over an open flame is an invitation for my nipples to disappear. ❞ ❝ I know you’re scared of my mother but contemplating arson isn’t the way to fix this. ❞ ❝ I installed a stripper pole while you were gone because it made me think of you. ❞ ❝ All I was doing was helping the barista learn to spell my name properly. The song and dance should NOT have gotten you that embarrassed. ❞ ❝ How about we just never mention this again? ❞ ❝ Have you seen my earrings/necklace/rings? ❞  ❝ You are literally the child we both want/neither of us want. ❞ ❝ Did you call the doctor about that? ❞ ❝ Let me pop it, just let me pop it, nothing bad will happen, I swear! ❞ ❝ You almost left me at the gas station! ❞ ❝ Alright look! Next time you want to barbecue with the hair dryer, just make sure I’m home! ❞ ❝ I didn’t think the sink had this much water inside of it. ❞ ❝ Don’t be mad, but _____. ❞

Bonus for multi-lingual situations: ❝ Can you translate the news for me? None of this makes sense. ❞ ❝ What is the word for this? *points at ____* I keep wanting to say ‘printer’ but I feel that is wrong. ❞ ❝ Next time she calls you a ____ you just reply with _____. ❞ ❝ I’m sorry but my pronunciation must sound really bad to you. ❞ ❝ Shit! The government doesn’t have my alphabet, put this in a way I understand! ❞ ❝ Can you finger spell that for me, I’m not quite up to that level yet. ❞ ❝ That was said so horribly wrong but you sounded very cute while trying. A for effort. ❞

[ofhotheads-blog]

THE MEME FOR PEOPLE WHO HATE HAPPINESS.

Who doesn’t love soul-crushing angst? Send me a 💔 and I’ll generate a number, 1-75, and post a starter based on what scenario I get. 

Please note that some of these scenarios may be triggering.

Keep reading

[novice-heartbreaker-deactivated]

Not everyone is out to screw you over

[fortheland]

theater challenge → [2/6] characters → portia (something rotten!)

“i love sydney, and marlow, and often i borrow their words to express how i feel. i love poems of mystery, fantasy, history; oh, what seductive appeal.”

[stillsmiiling-archive-blog]

@troubadcur liked for a starter

“How much do you think I could make if I started singing and knitting on the street? I mean, like, if I sold my stuff, would people buy it? Those are like, the only two things in life I’m actually good at.”

[troubadcur-blog]

      ❝ of course they would ! ----------- people give good money for a nicely knitted sweater and a little entertainment. although, i’m sure singing and knitting aren’t the only things your good at. ❞ 

[7812nf]

haha yeah i have a ton of weird kinks

[troubadcur-blog]

the second i changed my blog title will power started playing this is a sign isn’t it

[rpgmuses]

&&. character aesthetic — bookworm

a reader lives a thousand lives before he dies. the man who never reads lives only one.

[randomroleplaymemes-blog]

Send "🙋" + any headcannons you want to know about my muse.

[with-grace-and-guts]

[groundlost-deactivated20190208]

shit me and my girlfriend say to each other

“I’m the best but so are you.”  ”A man just gave me fruit. In a flirty way. I don’t know what to do.” “Tell him that you are taken and have someone who can also provide fruit.”  “You girlfriended me for a reason & that is my knowledge of noodles.”  “I’m only in it for your stove skills.”  “Or you just didn’t think that the embodiment of evil wore dresses.”  “I have a problem and it’s called retail therapy.”  “Oh my god, your dad is attractive.”  “Aren’t I amazing?”  “You better not be floorgying.”  “‘Fine’ equals fightin’ words.”  “Don’t mutiny, friend.”  “If you’re an asshole and you know it clap your hands.”  “I’m apparently dating them both even though they’re not dating.”  “I thought you were dating me.”  “[Name] and I are measuring all of our body parts for some reason.”  “My big toe is apparently three inches around.”  “Is it bad that I’ve been wearing the same shirt for three days?”  “So I went into her room and started screaming.”  “Do you have a chainsaw I can borrow?”  “Oh my god, you’re such a cat lady.”  “I need a How to Stop Worrying 101.”  “I’m terrible at being an adult.”  “I decided not to have feelings when I was 11.”  “I mean, technically it’s illegal to send humans in the mail but we can work around that.”  “I’m about to commit murder.”  “You’re pretty awesome, too, I guess.”  “There are no handcuff emojis. This is upsetting.”  “Please stop me from strangling somebody.” “I bet saving the vacuum was fun for her.”  “Anyone who visits the school & sees you will be so enchanted.”  “Okay, I did the adult thing and showered.”  “I should probably shave my legs soon.”  “So, my dad is in jail.”  “But how can I be alive if I’m not experiencing negative emotions?”  “I’m basically a cat.”  “The coffee has its grubby little hands in your life now.”  “It’s unsolicited dick pics but from a cat.”  “I had a dream that your shirtless dad tried to kill me.” “Come on, kitty, show me your goddamn penis.”  “I stabbed someone in the eye thirty minutes ago.”  “Of course it was your ability to use a range that led me to discover my true feelings for you.”  “You deserve the book of shame right now.”  “I like being paid attention to.” “I think we’re at the point in our relationship where I can take you to the bathroom with me when I have to pee.”

[troubadcur-blog]

Nick: I'll show you the skills that pay the bills.

Nigel: They're going to shut off our electricity if those are the skills you're using to pay our bills with.

[corhero]

John Mulaney: Comeback Kid Starters

❝ You have the moral backbone of a chocolate eclair. ❞

❝ Anyone who’s seen my dick and met my parents needs to die. ❞

❝ Jesus Christ! What, were you two in the Eagles together? ❞

❝ What is the animosity about? ❞

❝ My vibe is more like, ‘Hey, you could pour soup in my lap and I’ll probably apologize to you.‘ ❞

❝ You will die on August 7th, 2037. ❞

❝ That’s pretty good. ❞

❝ Huh! It needs a belt. ❞

❝ Don’t get me wrong, my parents loved us. They just didn’t like us. ❞

❝ We were'nt friends. ❞

❝ My mom’s my best friend. ❞

❝ Oh, is she a super bad mom? ❞

❝ Somtimes babies will point at me, and I don’t care for that shit at all. ❞

❝ Don’t snitch, motherfuckah! ❞

❝ Eat ass, suck a dick and sell drugs. ❞

❝ If you eat enough ass and suck enough dick, one day you can sell drugs. ❞

❝ Here’s an on fire garbage can…could be a nursery. ❞

❝ Oh we have to go!! We have to go see ________ ! ❞

❝ Why? It’s not like he/she’s gonna remember you. ❞

❝ The other shoe has dropped. ❞

❝ Can I walk you home? ❞

❝ Can you imagine watching one of the people you went to school with becoming the president? ❞

❝ You can do everything you want forever. ❞

❝ So my dad pulled up to the drive thru window and ordered a black coffee. The one thing no kid can every enjoy ❞

❝ Because he never forgets a bitch ever! ❞

❝ Are you going to talk the entire time? ❞

❝ Black coffee. Same motherfucker. ❞

❝ I think Emily Dickinson’s a lesbian. ❞

❝ And also with you. ❞

❝ THAT’S MY WIFE! ❞

❝ Marriage is going to be fun ❞

❝ Can my girlfriend come? ❞  

❝ I am the king and I can eat first whenever I want! –As long as it fits the schedule of a dog… ❞ 

[autumnsoulss]

[troubadcur-blog]

portia: hugs nigel at the end of ‘i love the way’ audience: awwww’s me: *teary-eyed, nigel bottom voice* me too

[futureminister]

‘ — EXACTLY. there’s not much that’s more interesting than something everyone can relate to, is there? ’ he sticks his hands in his pockets, still restless with simple anticipation. ‘ i don’t understand the impatience with it, really. but – different strokes for different folks, i suppose. ’

[troubadcur-blog]

       ❝ oh, absolutely. anything that is generally universal is something to take interest in ! though, people can relate to some interesting things these days. ❞ a grin finds her lips as she plays with a piece of her hair absent-mindedly. ❝ maybe people just don’t CARE, i suppose. ❞