#amy berkowitz

[cvpio-dissolvi]

Amy Berkowitz, Tender Points (2015)

[maldarchive]

An invisible illness with uncertain causes and imprecise diagnostic criteria, fibromyalgia is largely defined by its mystery. And yet, when the onset of this pain follows a traumatic event (as it often does), it's hard not to understand that trauma as a certain kind of key. To hold that key in a palm made sweaty by too much coffee. To never put it down for the feeling that at any moment it could completely unlock the mystery and solve the problem of your pain.

Amy Berkowitz, from Tender Buttons

[driftglazz]

The experience of illness can help us gain in courage even if we fail in capacity. We will sometimes fail to produce what we should, or to write or speak articulately enough, to be “right,” to be thoughtful or expansive enough, to consider the whole range of historical circumstance, to be responsible at our work’s distribution—but our failure is part of the collective project. We brave our errors in thought for the possibility that to see that their demonstration will allow others to get toward rightness. We brave the humility to learn from fair criticism, and also learn that usefully distanced shrug at the inevitable appearance of the jealous or maligning kind. We brave clumsy writing or speaking, that even in a crude form, a necessary idea will emerge as material for others to refine. When we are silent, we learn it makes room for others to speak.

It’s not just our errors we become brave about, but our projects’—and our own—incompleteness. You can stop fearing death, too, if you begin to think of the collective project of being alive in the common world, that one’s own end and the end to one’s work and one’s love is not the end of what is right or good. What needs to go on will.

from Tender Theory by Anne Boyer

[lifeinpoetry]

It’s only when the pain is severe or when the pain prevents me from doing something that I’m forced to think about it. But even when I’m not thinking about it, it’s still there. 

My body is washing dishes and it’s in pain. My body is on hold with California Blue Cross Blue Shield and it’s in pain. My body is dancing and it’s in pain. My body is Skyping Beth and it’s in pain. My body is taking a shower and it’s in pain. My body is riding BART and it’s in pain. My body is politely saying no and it’s in pain. My body is reading a book and it’s in pain. My body is at work and it’s in pain. My body is writing this and it’s in pain. My body is walking to meet you and it’s in pain.

— Amy Berkowitz, from Tender Points

[whenidiehallelujahbyandby]

Doctors are cops Self-select into the profession like a disease That will never be diagnosed Because its name is health And its smell is soap Walk around swinging their clubs Talking too loud Killing people all the time (It’s their job so it’s fine) And who can argue with a stethoscope

Amy Berkowitz, Tender Points

[lifeinpoetry]

It’s worth noting that it’s particularly difficult for a woman’s voice to command respect. To quote Kathleen Hanna again: “There’s this certain assumption that when a man tells the truth, it’s the truth. And when, as a woman, I go to tell the truth, I feel like I have to negotiate the way I’ll be perceived... There’s always the suspicion around a woman’s truth— the idea that you’re exaggerating.”

— Amy Berkowitz, from Tender Points

[lifeinpoetry]

The problem is / You can’t put pain on trial

— Amy Berkowitz, from Tender Points

[lifeinpoetry]

Suddenly the air conditioning cuts out And in its absence I hear a familiar growl 

The growl I do when I’m feeling comfortable Enough to feel alive 

I know I have a terrible power I identify with the ocean i.e., I could kill people just by being myself 

My growl recedes as if pulled by a tide  I smile

— Amy Berkowitz, from Tender Points