is it real ⟶ anakin skywalker
description ⌙ it's easier to hate him than it is to be honest in how much you care for him, but anakin makes a mission of making hating him near impossible. pairing ⌙ anakin x fem!reader warnings ⌙ saber graze, tending to a wound, a petty argument, a little angst. word count ⌙ 2.8k
— request | masterlist
totally inspired by this masterpiece of a song that i can't get out of my head. it's so ani coded i had to indulge.
"there's a med-pack by the table." anakin's voice is soft, enough so to distract slightly from the searing pain emitting from the saber graze at your ribs.
"can you, fuck, help?" you barely make it to his bed before your knees give.
at your falter he rushes to you, eyes wide, "c'mere, let me see."
you don't fight him when he rips your tunics off, exposing the large gash at your ribcage. you take in a breath at the sight of it. far larger and worse than you had previously thought.
"obi-wan was right," he grabs for the med-pack before kneeling down to you, "you have to stop trying to fight all on your own."
you want to roll your eyes, you want to smack him upside the head. for as long as you've known the boy, he's had an annoying tendency of fretting over you, acting as though you were delicate.
when you were younger, it was easier for you to accept such behavior. but as the two of you grew, it became far harder to ignore the way his kindness caused your mind to drift toward something utterly wrong. friendship had since turned into acquaintanceship.
it was so much easier this way.
"says you, skywalker." your voice is gritty, watching his mechanic hand begin to clean the wound.
he ignores your irritation, "maybe if you'd let me help you—"
you interrupt him, eyes narrowed, "i'm letting you help right now, aren't i?"
his hand stills for a second before continuing its work, "you know what i mean."
you're not sure you do. in truth, there could be a million things he could mean. you rarely lean on your fellow jedi, especially not anakin. not when being around him makes your heart race faster than a speeder.
you try to avoid him as much as possible. you'd rather eat at a crowded table than with him at his empty one, rather fight a group of enemies alone than beside him, rather keep your thoughts locked away in your own head than divulge them to him.
for as great and divinely chosen as he was in others' eyes, he was a lingering distraction for you. his gaze is etched into your mind, and you find it frightening how much you draw up the vision.
if you're the means, he will always be your end.
"it's not that bad, i've seen you take worse." you try to steady your voice as you speak.
his non-dominant hand finds its way to your bent knee, sending a shock throughout your body, "doesn't mean you have to." you waver slightly at his words, zoning in on the way his lips quirk up at the sentiment.
rolling your eyes, you grab for the bandages and gauze, "i can do the rest myself."
he draws away from you but you can feel him watching you. you can tell he wants to say more— wants to press you further.
you try to ignore the way his presence affects you as you wrap your wound. it's easier that way, to brush him off. maker forbid you ever gave him the notion that you feel the way you do.
if he knew— he'd be on you like ants to honey, all-consuming. anakin was devotional, it was a flaw you enjoyed pointing out to him. you'd mock him for it, calling it the opposite of the jedi way. because it's easier to pick fun at the attribute than to imagine the way it would feel to be at the receiving end of such a trait.
it'd be sacred, surely.
you finish dressing the saber graze and hold tight to the fresh application before grabbing your tunics. it's a painful struggle to put them back on, and you wince at the stretch you have to do to pull them back over your head.
anakin, now leaning against his door, watches you in condemnation, "it wouldn't hurt so much if you just let me help you, y/n."
you make your way toward him, "i'm fine. now, can you let me leave."
he glowers at you, "no."
"what do you mean, no?" your eyes slim.
"i want you to be honest for once," he clenches his jaw before continuing, "i mean, i’m trying to help you, and you act like a brat. what's your problem?"
you stare at him, feeling frustration bubbling up inside you. he is so adept at getting under your skin and making you feel things that are far better left unexplored.
"my problem?" you scoff, crossing your arms over your chest. "my problem is that i'm sick and tired of being treated like a child by everyone around here. including you."
anakin's eyes widen in surprise for just a moment before they darken with anger, "i treat you like an equal, you know that." he spits out through gritted teeth.
"you don't!" you exclaim, the dam finally breaking inside of you. "you act like i can't handle anything on my own."
"that's because half the time it seems like-"
"like what?" you interrupt him, taking a step closer despite yourself.
"like…like maybe sometimes," his voice softens as he speaks now—almost pleadingly, "you could use some help."
you take one hand and shove him against the door, fingers digging into his robes, "i don't need your help. i don't need anything from you," you watch him sneer down at you, "and if you want honesty, then the truth is that i'd be far better off without you trailing around me all the time."
he gives an unamused laugh, "you know what i think?"
you don't dignify him with an answer prompting him to go on, "i think you shut down because you're scared," he grabs hold of your wrist, pulling you even closer to him, "i can sense it, you know. every time i see you all that radiates is fear. you're not even strong enough to hide it. what are you so damn afraid of, y/n?”
you pull away from him and shoot daggers before shoving him out of your path and exiting his room.
you rush to your own room, heart thudding in your chest. you attempt to stop yourself from thinking any further on what had just happened. sitting on the edge of your bed, you take deep breaths before burying you face in your hands. he was right—you were scared; scared of opening up and admitting how deeply you've grown to care for him.
he was beautiful, tragically so. and off limits in ways that made your chest feel heavy. you've tried to forget the way he makes you feel for years now. you've tried to tell yourself that what you feel isn't real. it can't be, not when you've sworn an oath against such notions.
yet, he remains a pertinent figure living in the back of your mind. a fantasy you indulge solely in the safety of seclusion.
the evening drags along slowly, and you take note his absence at dinner. his usual seat left empty, causing you to worry for him. it's futile to try and stop the obvious impact he has over you, especially after the fight.
he has a way of sowing himself indelibly to you.
though he remains so obvious in his fruitless kinship for you— you do the contrary. you keep your worries to yourself, and in the times you've been anything other than unemotional to him, you've reacted before thinking more than you care to admit.
you were mean, and even if he'd never know, it did hurt you to act in such a way. especially when all you really want is to see those blue eyes looking down on you with a loving gaze.
you push your food around on your plate, lost in thought, only to have a warm hand on your shoulder.
looking up, you find obi-wan, eyebrows drawn together is deliberation.
you try and push your thoughts away, masking your fears, "yes, master?"
he removes his previous look, replacing it with a soft smile, "y/n, i wanted to make sure you were okay. you took quite a blow today."
you have trouble meeting his eyes, "i'm fine master, just a small cut."
he lets his hand drop, "of course. i hope to see you for meditation tomorrow morning. it just may be of service."
he's gone before you can reply, leaving you alone with your unwanted dinner and thoughts.
hours pass by without you noticing them go. you attempt to train but your practice moves fall short. until, finally, it's late enough that even one of yoda's animated lessons couldn't keep someone from seeking sleep.
you make your way back to your room as fatigue sets in. your senses full of the one thing that refuses to ease its grip over you— anakin.
the exchange with him earlier continues to replay on a loop inside your mind, making it nearly impossible to drift off peacefully. you toss and turn for what feels like hours, restlessly upset.
abruptly, loud knocks echo through your room, interrupting your silent brooding whilst stirring the half slumber you’d found yourself in.
you can sense the familiar force signature, and you know it's anakin pounding away at your door. his energy seems off, less guarded and more haphazard. the feeling of it has you tensing.
nervous, you get out of bed and make your way to the door, still feeling hints of your previous anger and anxiety. you swing it open to find him standing on the other side, breathing heavily as if he had been running.
"what do you want?" you ask, trying your best to keep your voice level.
"i'm sorry," he says simply, not meeting your eyes.
you're taken aback by his apology, not expecting it, "for what?" you ask, confused.
"for the way i've been treating you," he says with a sigh. "i've been so focused on keeping you safe that i haven't been treating you like the equal that you are. and for what i said earlier… i didn't mean it. i just wanted to get a rise out of you."
you stare at him for a moment, trying to process his words. anakin has never been one to apologize easily, and you can sense that this is challenging for him.
slowly, you start to soften towards him, "come in." you say finally, and step aside to let him into your room.
he steps in and closes the door behind him, turning to face you. "i know we fight more often than we get along," he says tentatively. "but i don't want to lose you completely. i miss you. we used to be so... different."
you feel a lump in your throat at his words. despite everything that had happened with him, you know deep down that you don’t want to lose him either. but something is still stopping you from stating your full truth.
"well things are different now," you admit quietly. "we're different."
anakin looks at you, his eyes searching your face for meaning while his mouth forms a thin line. "why?" he asks finally.
you try to find the words but all that comes out is an half-baked excuse, "because that's just what happens, anakin."
"it doesn’t have to…" anakin presses gently and takes a step closer towards you. the heat from him fills up the room making it difficult to think straight let alone answer him honestly. you look away trying to avoid eye contact. with each second that passes by, your denial seems more insufferable.
he seems to notice this and steps even closer so now only inches are between the two of you before asking, "is it because…" his voice catches as he leans in “is it because you can tell how much i care for you. how easily you've become more to me. i tried so hard to hide, y/n, but i can’t anymore.”
you're taken aback by how easily the words leave anakin's lips despite not being able to ever even think of being as honest as him.
but at his admission, something cracks inside of you, allowing you to gain confidence, “no, i never knew you felt—” you falter at the way he's looking you down, face full of anticipation, "i never knew you felt that way. i thought it was only me."
anakin steps even closer, his breath hot against your skin. "never, i've always felt like this," he confesses, his voice low and gravelly. "from the moment i met you. maker, you've had me around your finger for years, i couldn't help but fall for you."
you feel your heart race as his words wash over you, mingled with the warmth of his body so close to yours. you can't deny the attraction that you've always felt— the electricity that seemed to spark whenever your eyes met, the way your skin tingled whenever he brushed past you.
"don't say that, ani," you whisper, feeling a rush, "this isn’t right, it could mean the worst for us, you know that."
anakin takes another step towards you, his hand reaching up to cup your cheek gently. "don't be scared, i’m not," he whispers, his eyes locked on yours. "i'm here for you. whatever happens, you know that."
time seems to still as you lean into his touch, getting lost in the heat of the moment despite yourself. you can feel his words through the softness of his touch.
and then suddenly his lips are on your own— fiercely and passionately. all of your warning thoughts fly out of your head as you surrender into him.
in that moment, there is nothing else but the two of you - lost in each other's embrace and finally free to show all the attachment that's been simmering beneath the surface for so long.
but then as quickly as it came, anakin pulls away and apologizes for the sudden kiss, visibly embarrassed by his impulsivity.
he takes a step back from you in an attempt to put some distance between you while he runs a hand through his hair nervously.
"sorry," he says softly, looking anywhere but your eyes, filled with surprise and confusion.
"i shouldn't have done that." he pauses before continuing in something barely more than a whisper this time, “i just… i'm sorry."
you stand there, still in shock from the sudden kiss but unable to deny the fluttering feeling in your heart. you want to tell him that it's okay, that you feel the same way, but you can't find the words.
anakin seems to read your thoughts, his eyes locking onto yours as he steps back once again. "i know this is a lot to take in," he says, his voice gentle and reassuring. "but i just needed you to know how i feel."
you nod, finally finding your voice. "i…i don't know what to say," you admit, feeling vulnerable and exposed.
for so long you’ve dreaded the idea of anakin knowing how you felt. you’ve been so afraid of rejection, that you’ve never considered the possibility of the inverse happening.
anakin reaches out, taking your hand, sending shivers down your spine with his touch, “you don't have to say anything," he says softly. "just know that i care about you…more than anything."
the two of you stand there for a second longer, lost in each other's eyes and the weight of unspoken words hanging heavy in the air.
finally, anakin breaks the silence. "i should go," he says reluctantly. "we can talk more about this later if you want…but only if you're ready."
you nod once more, still unsure of what to say or do. as anakin turns to leave, you find yourself calling out to him.
"ani…wait."
he turns back towards you, a hopeful look in his eyes.
"i care about you too, i'm not afraid of it anymore. i just want you." you whisper, feeling a weight lifted off of your shoulders.
anakin looks at you, a mix of shock and pure elation written on his face. he doesn't say anything, he just walks back towards you, taking your face in his hands before pressing his lips onto yours once again.
this time the kiss is even more intense than before, all of the the passion and desire that you've both kept buried for all these years flaring out. your hands make their way to his chest to you pull him closer to you.
anakin deepens the kiss as he wraps his arms around you, tugging you into an embrace that will no doubt carve itself into your very soul. you can feel the beat of his heart against you, matching the pace of your own rapid heartbeats.
when he finally pulls away, gasping for air, you can't stop the smile spreading on your face.
"i've always wanted this," anakin whispers softly, his forehead resting against yours. "i just didn't know how to tell you."
"i'm glad you did," you reply softly, running your fingers through his hair. "i didn't know how to say either."
the two of you stand there for a few moments longer before anakin finally pulls away. "i should go," he says reluctantly. "i'll see you tomorrow?"
you nod, feeling content and happy for the first time in a long time. as anakin leaves your room, you lay down on your bed with a smile on your face— grateful to be the aspect of his devotion.
