It's Casual Right? (Modern!Anakin Skywalker x Reader)
Inspired by the song: "Casual" by Chappell Roan
summary: A really poorly written slowburn with Modern!Anakin Skywalker. Padme, your best friend, introduces you to Anakin Skywalker at a party. You both become great friends and eventually friends with benefits. What happens if you start to feel something more with Anakin, but you learn he doesn't quite feel the same for you?
Anakin and I have been hooking up for about 5 months now. We both met each other at a frat party, where Padme had introduced me to him and his best friend, Ben Kenobi.
At first, we started out as really good friends. But one night, it had led to our bodies entwined together, lying naked under the sheets in his bed. The next morning, Anakin had told me wanted to keep it casual. He pitched the idea that we could be friends with benefits, to which I stupidly agreed with, not knowing that it would lead me to the position I'm in now.
He told me there would be no strings attached and we would still remain as good friends (with benefits of course). And that if we ever needed one another, one of us would make time to pop over at whosever house to have sex to release each other's stress. It was exciting the first couple of times, but eventually I lost that excitement when we were 3 months in the relationship.
I soon realized that I started to develop feelings for Anakin. I started to see him in a different light. I wanted something more with him. I wanted to hold hands with him wherever we walked together. I wanted to kiss him badly, and in a way where I wasn't filled with lust, but with love instead. I wanted to love him in a way where I would cook his favorite meal every time he came home. I wanted him to love me as much as I loved him. I didn't want to be his booty call, or the girl he would bang on his couch anymore. I wanted to be more to him. And I wanted him to see me as someone he would want those same things as well.
You see, I wouldn't be thinking and feeling this way if it weren't for Anakin wanting to bringing me everywhere with him. Sometimes he'll have his arm around me and would kiss me on the cheek or lips, as if we were a couple. I thought he would soon develop similar feelings for me, but I was wrong.
There was one time Anakin's mother, Shmi, had invited me to a gala dinner with her and Anakin's new stepfather, Cliegg. When she had asked me if Anakin and I were dating over dinner, Anakin had quickly shot down his mother's question. To which surprised her and Cliegg and had left an uncomfortable silence between us for the rest of evening. Anakin's response felt like as if a knife had ran through my heart. That same night after dinner, Anakin and I got into an argument in the car ride to my house.
"Anakin. You confuse me, you know that right? How could you invite me to dinner with your parents and tell them that we aren't a thing?" I spoke up, knowing damn well that we weren't even considered a "thing" in the first place in his mind. But I wanted to press him further about his response from dinner. Because what kind of man brings you to meet his parents for the first time at a fancy dinner gala?
"Because we aren't Y/N! We aren't official or anything, and you know that. What do you not get about that?" He huffed out in annoyance, as he gripped the steering wheel tightly.
"Then why aren't we a "thing" Anakin? Have you ever considered my feelings that maybe I want to be more than just some girl you fuck? I hear it all the time in class. Especially the shit that you tell your friends." I throw at him. To which he pulled the car over the side of road to park and turned towards me.
"What exactly have you heard from my friends that I could have possibly told them?" He asked sternly, his gaze never leaving mine. I narrowed my eyes at him.
"You don't remember any of it do you? You don't remember bragging to your friends the very first time we fucked, you boasted about how you made me came first, when in reality it was you who did in the first place?" I snarled at him. Anakin looked down at his lap, thinking to himself. Remembering the only person he had told about your first time together was to Ben, but he didn't think his roommate would twist the narrative or tell anyone else about it.
"That's not what happened-"
"It doesn't fucking matter Anakin. I hear all of these rumors about me from my classmates, your friends, and even my own friends...Do you even think to care about me?"
"I-I do Y/N. Trust me, I do-"
"If you truly did, you wouldn't have said any of that shit about me in the first place. Now just drive. I want to go home." I said one last time, fixing myself to look out towards my window. The rest of car ride remained silent. Anakin wished me a goodnight as I was getting out of his car. But I didn't say anything to him and I slammed the car door shut in his face as I made my way into my shared apartment with Padme.
-
Just two days after that argument, Anakin had picked me up that afternoon, acting as if the argument that had occur two days prior didn't even happen. He took me to the pier to hang out with his some of his friends that day. After hanging out with them all day till sundown, Anakin had drove us to a parking lot right by the ocean. Knowing where it would lead to us, I had found my legs tossed over Anakin's shoulders as his strong hands gripped my thighs. Anakin was knee deep in the passenger seat as he ate me out as I moaned out his name and profanities. This was just how our relationship had come down to. When I would get upset at him or he would get upset at me, we would argue, and he would apologize through sex and act as if nothing happened.
I don't know why I kept doing this to myself. Why did I continue to stay with him if I already knew he didn't feel the same for me? Perhaps, I was just a loser. I guess the reason why I put up with it for so long was that I worried he would cut me off and the future that I had wished with him would disappear with him.
But that was thrown out the window anyways. I was at another frat party that Padme forced me to go with her. The last frat party I had went to was when I first met Anakin and Ben.
I was scanning the room only to find Anakin in the corner of the room making out with another girl. Anakin's arms trapped her in as her hands roamed all over his body. I stood there and watched in disgust and in hurt. How could he do this to me? I know we aren't dating and he's free to do anything, but why did it hurt so fucking much?
I don't know what got into me, but next thing I know I was making my way to where they were and confronted Anakin. The girl he had between his arms and had just slobbered his lips scurried away from me.
"Anakin. What the fuck?!" I said to him, now holding his arm so he wouldn't lose his balance. He looked a little tipsy and almost fell backwards if I didn't held him.
"What's your problem Y/N?!" He slurred as he shoved my hand off of him.
"You. You are my problem Anakin! How could you do this to me?! Why do you keep hurting me like this?!" I said as my voice started to crack. Tears started to form in my eyes as I balled my fists. I was furious with him.
Anakin stood there, trying to process what was going on before giving me a response.
"We aren't even dating Y/N! God. You are so infuriating. Just let me do what I want." He argued back, which set me off. Next thing I know, it became a screaming match. Both Anakin and I were yelling loud enough to make the people around us look at us with concern. Padme, Ben, and some of Anakin's friends made their way to the yelling and immediately recognized our voices.
Padme and Ben dragged me away from Anakin, who was be being held back by his roommates, Rex and Cody.
"You such an asshole Anakin! I hope-" My words were cut off when Ben put his hand over my mouth as he dragged my flailing body outside of the house.
Ben sat next to me on the porch stairs in front of the house as I was curled into a ball, crying into my arms. Padme sat next to me and embraced my form.
"Why does he keep doing this? Why do I keep doing this to myself?" I rambled on, continuing to sob into my arms. Ben and Padme looked at each other before Ben spoke up.
"Anakin is very stupid Y/N. It's frustrating that he doesn't realize what he has in front of him...I promise you, it's not you, it's him that needs to figure it out." Ben said softly, rubbing my back. Though Ben and I didn't talk to each other as much, he was very sweet and caring towards me.
"I think it's time you have to end what you and Anakin have going on Y/N...It's clearly affecting you. And it's clear that Anakin doesn't feel the same for you." Padme spoke up. She's right, I much as I hated her being blunt, she was honest and got her point across at least. Padme had put up so much with me when I came to her about Anakin. There were so many times where I had come back to the apartment in a sour mood after seeing Anakin and she would have to hear it from me the thousandth time.
"Can you just take me back home?" I whispered to Padme, who nodded in response.
"I'm gonna go check on-" Ben was cut off when he heard footsteps approach us. The three us turned around to see Anakin, Rex, and Cody towering over us.
"Um, Skyguy wants to talk to you." Cody cleared his throat. Padme looked over to me, to which I told her it'll be okay. Ben, Padme, Cody, and Rex made their way back into the house to give Anakin and I space.
Anakin sat next to me, as I quickly wiped away my tears. We both sat in silence before Anakin spoke up.
"I...I'm sorry Y/N." He said, fidgeting with his fingers, a habit he had whenever he was feeling nervous.
"It's..okay Anakin." I whispered out, looking down at my feet.
"Look...I understand that you probably wouldn't want to be friends anymore...But do know, that I cherished every moment I had with you."
I sat there, processing what he had just said. I didn't know what to say to him. I sat there thinking to myself, trying to find a response.
"Did you ever think about having a future with me?" I queried, now looking up at him. Anakin looked at me and didn't say anything. He stared at the ground, in deep thought.
"I did, and I still do."
"If you do, then what's stopping you from asking me to your girlfriend?"
"I-I don't know..." He mustered out. My heart was breaking at his responses. Why couldn't I have been more for him? Why can't he want me as much as I want him?
Nonetheless, his responses were all I needed to hear. Padme was right. The countless times she has told me to end this relationship and that I deserved someone better. Someone who was deserving of my love and would actually love me back.
I stood up from where I sat. Anakin looked up at me at my sudden motion.
"It was great while it lasted Anakin. I just wished you reciprocated the same feelings I have for you...I'll see you around." I said to him one last time. Anakin was about to say something, but I already had left him as I made my way back into the house to find Padme.
"Hey, you ready to go?" Padme asked me. I nodded in response. We both made our way out of the house and towards her car. Feeling that someone was watching me from afar, I turned around and saw Anakin leaning on the railing of the porch, staring back at me.
I gave him a small smile, to which he returned. I looked at him one last time before getting into the car. Despite it being nighttime, I could see the sadness in his eyes.
I let out a sigh as I buckled myself in.
"Are ya ready?" Padme asked me.
"Yes ma'am." I said, before we drove off back to our apartment.
