I am an angry, honest and insecure person. I am a jerk but with a heart of gold believe it or not. Even the most charismatic people I know have left people hanging when I stick it out and love then. I pride myself in that.
But I don't want to be the guy who 'tells it how it is' but people tip toe around me 24/7.
I want to be the guy who keeps it real but when I don't need to be on guard I am the one singing to trees , dancing naked around fires, singing songs loudly in parking lots with friends, scribbling messages on stalls that mean something to me, and bringing everyone together for even just a moment.
The guy who makes people feel comfortable with my ability to be peaceful but also safe with my ability to be stone cold.
I don't want to lose my edge. I don't want to lose my honesty and realness. What I really want is to lose my toxicity and insecurity.
I want to be happy. That is it. I am going to find out how someday. Only then can I really have what it takes to make others truly happy too. I can't offer much of something to others that I can never offer myself.
I hope I can come to terms with past trauma and my own insecurity so that my outsides are painted in gold just as my insides are.