music theory -- much like applications, only magnitudes worse -- is one of those weird things that makes my brain completely shut down.
like I can't even describe it. it's like. almost a headache but not physical pain. it feels like my brain had been turned into a block of concrete and there's screaming in my ears and I'm being violently shaken.
it's so frustrating because it takes a TON of mental energy for me to understand what's being said to me and has lead to really serious meltdowns, ESPECIALLY when I was a kid learning piano.
and ppl get frustrated with me, it's one of those things where they're like "why don't you understand, it's like this-" and then explain it in exactly the same way but more emphatically. and when, again and again I don't understand, they get frustrated and I get yelled at... I feel so stupid.
only very recently have I had very limited success discussing music, and even those instances were fucking exhausting
I don't even think it's just music theory??? like I don't even know the terms are for what I'm talking about right now, THAT'S how extreme it is. even though it's been explained to me so SO many times I still don't understand what an octave is or even an "A" or "B" note or harmonization or what a melody is or or ANYTHING. is that music theory? what is that called???
anyway, it really absolutely ruined the joy I once found in creating music. and it's why it feels so... so special and secret and like it's something I'm not ALLOWED to do when I engage with music in anyway besides just listening. it's why whatever it is I've been doing recently... just the idea that I could play around and put some sounds together... it's a big deal, it feels life changing.