#and selfishly

[mintycurry]

Words can't describe how proud I am. If you told me this 2 years ago, I'm not sure I would've believed you. He has come so far 💜

[regularbeans]

from time to time one more light by linkin park comes to my mind and its so weird because. i became a linkin park fan in 2007 and they were an important part of my life. their music is timeless, genuinely (even if i didnt dig their last two albums as much, theyre fine, they have some of my favourite songs still).

but yeah by the time chester died i wasnt such a hardcore fan but of course it still devastated me. to this day it breaks my heart every time i remember him and how he couldnt have a happy life. all that, all that, if you know him you know all that.

and i dont like putting the burden of giving strength to others on him even after his death. but id like to think that he made it very clear that he wants us to be strong.

i was never that "XY band saved my life" kind of person, though music has helped me through all of my life, pretty much.

but when im listening to one more light, the song, this part...

"who cares if one more light goes out, well i do"

it breaks me, dude. i never feel as determined to stay alive than i do when i hear these lines.

[radwood]

it’s been a year since my boy and my cat and his dog all at once became the suns of my life but my mom is sick and his dog is sick and my work is absurd and I am so tired and sad and stressed and there’s too much and I just want to be home with my loves and instead I’m sweating on my childhood bed while my parents are on zoom conferences

[10veslck]

unrelated note, or related? dunno, this kinda became my lil journal (meaning im treating this as such) My life has gotten 10000% better compared to 5 years ago. a bitch wanted 2 die (dont get me wrong we still get them here and there) but, i got my bachelor's, a great job with amazing pay, i look/feel so much healthier now (we luv gym era ) such amazing friends, (both online and irl, in which i was terrified i wasnt going to have after making such a big move) im traveling so much, many concerts, many places. hell, im traveling to europe for the second time in a couple weeks.

if only i could tell myself it would only get better, and now, i was an absolute wreck back then, not knowing if i could actually do anything, if i could achieve what I wanted...i now know that i am absolutely going up from here