i know how i get that's why it's easier to stick to myself. you tell people you scared to let them in and shit still happens the same so i just don't expect anything anymore, and i don't fight for people anymore. most of the time they've made up their mind about you a long while ago, they just use up whatever they can from you till they're ready to discard. until you're no longer convenient. i'm just tired of it, i don't want that done to me anymore. i just want to feel at ease and be loved adequately, and honestly. aren't i deserving of that? aren't i deserving of something good, something that lasts? that doesn't tear me down and leave me building myself back up alone again? i don't want struggle love. i don't want to suffer for anything at all. i'm not sad, just reflecting. i'd rather do the work now so that i don't become the assholes i claim to hate in the end. it all just weighs heavy on my heart, that's all. but one day it won't
