<3
hi tumblr! how have you all been?
it´s been a couple of rough months for your girl here as you can probably assume from my complete absence here and in any social media app really.
when i came back from london last year i was severely depressed and as soon as i landed in brazil my parents and my relatives contacted a team of doctors for me because i clearly had no energy to do anything about my state back then. since my grandpa died and i left my job my depression worsened but i neglected it a lot until i couldnt anymore; i was so horribly sad that even now a year later, i still wake up scared by the possibility of ever going back to that point.
i suffer from intense anxiety disorder and social phobia which obviously can increase when things i care about are involved in any situation such as my family, friends, relationships and ofc my fav artists.
so yes, being a catfish and the bottlemen fan was literally the Last thing i needed in my life while i was actively getting treated for my anxious behaviour toward things lol. my anxiety was so strong that it started to take over my whole life, and in my head i had to give some things up in order to be worthy and capable of achieving any type of healing.
i believe that even now, anything catfish related, (incluiding the obvious silence) still makes me anxious but back then i was so extremely lostthat being reminded of such an excrutiating constant passion in my life which kept dissapearing wasnt helping my situation at all
so i left. i stopped posting, stopped interacting with the fandom, stopped creating catfish content, even their songs were out of my playlists for a while.
it got to a point i knew the yearning was getting to me in a way that wasn´t healthy anymore, so i did what i could to survive.
i miss this place a lot though :) but for a long period of time i was sincerely ashamed to put all of this out there because ive always been extremely judged for every single person in my life for being so passionate about concerts, bands etc, so the idea of admitting i was hurting because of it seemed pathetic and completely out of the table.
but yeah, idk what these hints on the website are about, theyre driving me a little crazy to be honest, but if the band does indeed come back, good for them and insanely deserved to their fans whom I´ve always referred to as the most loyal fanbase ever.
much love to all of you and thank you for the asks you sent me during this time, they meant a lot to me.
and another reminder that help is out there, hope is something real and every kind soul deserve the dignity of living a good life, its never too late to start again.