patron: can you help me? I've had this movie on hold for months. Someone was supposed to return it back in september and it still hasn't showed up.
me: oh i'm so sorry some people just aren't very good with the due dates. unfortunately there's no way to know for certain when that will be getting to you, but if you tell me the name of the movie i can tell you how many copies we've got floating around and when the other copies are due
patron: sure it's fire walk with me, that twin peaks movie
me, realizing i'm the asshole who has that copy checked out: uh............yeah....like i said, no way to know for sure but i have a good feeling it should be getting around to you soon












