Do Better This Time
Inspired by @codewordpumpkin.
It's 2 days after Lizzie dies in Red's arms that the manila envelope gets to him. It takes him another day and a glass of scotch before he can open it because he just knows by the writing on the outside that it's from her.
One last message from beyond the grave. That makes his heart absolutely sink into his chest, not because she left him a letter, but because it's something that he would have done for her. It's a bleak reminder that he shaped Lizzie into the person she became, that he was ultimately responsible for her demise.
He finally works up the courage to pull out the paper inside the envelope. He can see that the first page is a handwritten note.
Red,
If you’re reading this, then you failed. Your lifelong mission to keep me safe was a failure. All the lies and secrets you kept were a pointless waste of time that did nothing but cause me pain and ultimately lead to my dead.
Yes, Red, you caused me so much pain. I need you to know this. You came into my life and absolutely destroyed it. Almost everyone I’ve ever loved has died as a result of your decision to turn yourself into the FBI. You dangled bits of truth in front of me, just enough to keep me desperate to have you in my life, and that was my downfall.
You ultimately drove me into the darkness. I need you to understand all of this because I don’t want you to do the same thing to her. Agnes is the only light left in my life.
I finally understand what you meant when you told me that night that I was your way home. Agnes was always my way home, and now she is yours. You see, Red, some time ago I found out the truth, the truth that you tried to take from me. I know what we did on that container ship. I think that’s part of the reason I was so desperate to find out who you really were to me, because of Agnes. I never wanted Agnes to wonder about where she came from her entire life like I did.
I wanted to be able to tell her the truth about her father, and I couldn’t very well tell her that the he was some man who stole MY father’s identity and even let me believe that he was my father after we made her.
I don’t want our daughter to feel the same way I did. She’s so kind and loving. I don’t ever want her to embrace the darkness like I did. That’s why I’m writing you this letter. You have to do things different with her. You can’t dangle pieces of the truth in front of her and expect her not to go desperately searching for the rest. You have to tell her truth that you never could tell me.
You’re all she has now. I know that you’ll love her and protect her with every last piece of your soul and destroy yourself in the process, but you have to do more than that. You have to take care of yourself too. You have to the person that never lies to her, never withholds the truth. She’s a strong girl, Red, she can handle it.
And please, tell her about me. Tell her the good parts… and the bad. Let her learn from my mistakes, from our mistakes. Most importantly, just let her be herself. Let her make her own choices about her life. Let her make her own mistakes. Don't try to control her life like you did mine.
You two are going to take very good care of each other. I wish I could be there to see it. Just know that I everything I did, I did for her. I'm sorry that I couldn't be there to watch your relationship with her blossom. I'm sorry that I couldn't tell you this truth sooner, I guess we both weren't very good at being honest with each other.
I really did love you, Red. Take care of our baby girl.
Lizzie
The tears are streaming down his face by the time he gets to the end of the letter. His hands are shaking so much that they reveal a second sheet of paper. He slowly reveals a DNA test from years ago, from a lab in the middle of nowhere Alaska. There is no denying that Agnes is his daughter.
And his heart shatters into a million more tiny pieces over what could have been if he and Lizzie had done better and not kept secrets from each other.
He was going to do better with Agnes. He had to do better.