26. how dare [you] (Good evening Lyn! hope your week has treated you well!)
((Hello! Thanks for the prompt, and I think the week this was sent was pretty good overall! In between drafting a fic for a fanzine I got into, I am still working on these prompts. So here’s a piece about Rashae, at her limit after about 23 years or so of nonsense from certain quarters. What can I say, with Thavnair finally here, Aeryn’s family is really in my brain lately…And oops, 1000 words is bit more than a drabble, again. Now on Ao3))
It was barely past the eighth morning bell, and Rashae was already having a bad day.
“He won’t be here for long,” Nani Zahra assured her, sipping her tea calmly.
“Are we talking hours, days, or weeks, Nani?”
“Mirza is my grandson, and a part of the Cooperative. He’s as welcome here as any other.”
“That doesn’t mean I have to like him. Though I will be civil—so long as he is.”
Zahra sighed, setting down her empty cup. “You’ve never cared much for the rest of my family; it does sadden me that you can’t get along.”
“I’m sorry, but how they always treated Mama, Zaine, and Aeryn was awful, and you know it,” Rashae said bluntly. “And why have none of your elder children ever asked you to stay with them? Why have none of your blood grandchildren?”
“Trying to get rid of me?” Zahra was only half-teasing.
Rashae stood to collect the teacups, leaving a kiss on top of the old woman’s head as she did. “Never, Nani. I’d keep you forever if the gods would allow it. What I can’t understand is why none of them feel the same.”
“A fault in my parenting, perhaps,” Zahra sighed. “I like to think I’ve taught you to avoid the same mistakes.”
“We shall see, once my own little terrors come of age,” Rashae said, depositing the tea service near the sink. “Meanwhile, I’d best head to the shop and keep my stepcousin out of trouble.”
“Good luck with that,” Zahra replied.
The Sisters’ luck was not with Rashae, despite her Nani’s wishes. Mirza was not helping in the shop as he ought to be, her own husband and her sister-in-law harried by an influx of customers. While it was preferable to the empty silence while the Tower of Zot loomed over the isle, or the terror of the Final Days, Rashae ground her teeth in irritation and continued out into the streets of Radz-at-Han to find her cousin.
She found him down the block, flirting with a group of women. As she drew closer, his words, spoken louder than necessary, assailed her ears.
“The satrap himself looks to our Cooperative as the new initiatives go into effect! And why should he not? After all, my own dear cousin, Aeryn, is the Warrior of Light, savior of the world!” He leaned closer to two of the blushing girls, giving them rakish smiles. “And she should be returning home soon; if you’d like to meet her, I can arrange—“
“How dare you!” Rashae snapped as she stormed up. The younger women were startled, two of the half dozen leaving quickly. “Your ‘dear’ cousin, the one you bullied relentlessly as a child? The one you barely spoke two words to as an adult? You made excuses to avoid your aunt’s funeral, and now you claim closeness for your flirtations?”
By now the gaggle of girls had scattered as Rashae’s volume only increased, other passersby pausing to listen and watch. Mirza attempted to sputter a response, but Rashae sliced her hand across the air, in a gesture reminiscent of Nani Zahra to shush him. “And you even dare invoke the satrap! Have you no shame?! He came to us as he showed more concern for Aeryn than your side of the family ever has! To take us to Sharlayan as she lay near death! And all you care about is stealing bits of her glory now that she isn’t the little girl you ignored, or pushed around time and again when you couldn’t look away!”
“Y-you’re causing a scene—“ Mirza finally said.
“I should have long ago!” Rashae shouted. “Thrown tantrums and punched your smug face whenever you hurt my brother and sister! Screamed and clawed their eyes when your mother and aunts—her own sisters!—were cruel to Mama Emelia! Don’t you dare try to say you give a damn about Aeryn now, you rat!”
Mirza could only stare, slack-jawed. A few neighbors also seemed shocked; Rashae was not known to be a violent woman. She was sharp-tongued at times, perhaps, but normally soft-spoken; the raised volume, and the clawed tension in her hands, was not something anyone who frequented the Cooperative had ever seen.
“Leave,” Rashae snarled.
“Wh-what?”
“You heard me. Go back to the village; I don’t want to see you here. I don’t want you around my children, I don’t want you here when any of the Scions come in, and I most definitely do not want you near Aeryn.”
“You cannot make me—“
Mirza stopped as Rashae took a step closer, now in his personal space. He was a head taller, but he swallowed and cowered before her. “I will tell the others of your behavior,” Rashae said; quieter, but the fire in her tone not yet abated. “My father’s poor health only grew worse worrying for Aeryn, how do you think he’ll respond? What will my brother and husband think? And if Ser Estinien or Archon Y’shtola come—well, they haven’t the misfortune of calling you family to hold them back.”
Mirza went ashen and he nodded silently. He did not move until Rashae stepped back and jerked her head toward the Cooperative’s building, and then he scampered off like a startled hamsa.
Rashae let out a deep breath. Not even nine bells yet and she’d had enough of today. She looked around, but most of the gawkers were hurriedly averting their gazes and going along their ways, not willing to have her ire turned on them next. Despite how busy she knew the shop was, Rashae turned to walk further down the street, mapping out a long, leisurely route through the city in her head as she fought to calm herself.
What a spectacle she had made.
Ah well; she could endure that, for Aeryn’s sake. She could even endure Nani’s disapproval, if necessary. Long before Aeryn had become a genuine hero, Rashae had always felt the need to watch over her younger stepsister.
Now that Aeryn was a hero, perhaps Rashae’s sisterly concerns were needed more than ever, handling such mundane troubles as glory-seekers. Gods knew someone had to watch out for their recklessly brave girl.
So I realize nobody who binds needs this reminder, but I'm saying it anyways.
Take a fucking break, buddy.
Pay attention to your body. Think about how you're breathing, and focus on expanding your ribcage. I've only been binding for a year, and I already don't breathe into my ribcage. I take short, shallow breaths that raise my stomach, not my chest. That shit isn't fucking okay.
I don't want to hear it and neither do you, but you have to take your binder off. Even if it's just for 15 minutes between class and work, or 30 between work and whatever it is you're doing, swallow the complaints about how inconvenient it is and just fucking breathe.
Your body deserves to be respected by everyone. And that includes you.
ive been internalizing this shit for weeks i only told like one person about any of this shit. god it fucking hurts man i had so much faith that wed be great and wed be SPECIAL, and that itd get BETTER and id just have to wait until they were less busy and that was the only problem. meanwhile my brains building up a damn near dependency to the point where i start panicking about having "ruined my life" after i split it off
there’re so many good things about MTMTE let me count the ways: the characters and pairings and overall characterization and the story is really character-driven and the world-building and the politics and not stupid even when they’re not very brilliant either -
I even started to accept this version of Megatron and his philosophy and his ‘redemption’ as not utterly offensive -
and then you had to go and crash my emotional investment because of an ethical issue! not related to the artistic merit of the work at all! and yet -
Rewind is right. he is REALLY FUCKING right. in the time-travelling story arc, almost-killing-Megatron-to-save-everyone (it ends in #38).
have you read the best of Yudkowsky’s short stories? Three Worlds Collide - it’s sort of amazing how great minds think alike and Roberts really does invent a setup that’s remarkably similar.
Rewind was the bravest and the most far-seeing. you are Autobots DAMN YOU YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO CARE ABOUT ALL SENTIENT LIFE - even Yudkowsky’s rather emotional humans manage to wrap their heads around that
I understand that Autobots have great emotional difficulty w/ulititarian ethics because they find it unacceptable to sacrifice somebody w/o their permission in order to save somebody else - and the narrative consistently lets them off the hook time after time, otherwise they wouldn’t be Autobots -
but. the way the narrative endorses this choice here is UNACCEPTABLE
it’s - it’s - agressive propaganda of the principle ‘think with your heart not your head and everything will somehow turn out all right in the end’ - which I suppose is rooted in the whole ‘Autobots are designed as moral lessons for children’ birth stain - and BECAUSE of the good and nuanced writing it’s PROPAGATING MASSIVE COGNITIVE ERRORS and making you feel good about it!
I don’t know why I’m so emotional about this. rational thinking is an ethical imperative, because without rationality there can be no ethics. only positive (biased!) emotional loops.
it’s just that story by Yudkowsky was so emotionally charged for me, it’s something I hold rather close to my heart (ironically). to see its core principles mirrored and mutilated and spat upon here - is unbearable.
