#angst tehehe

[rue-x3]

Random blip of angst or something

SVSSS au where SY & SJ are twins. Shen Yuan has a system but it’s relatively dormant and only awakens when he’s like 9. It tells him that he’s canon fodder meant to die off, and that his brother will be Shen Qingqiu in the future. Shen Yuan is very attached to his twin brother so he decides he’ll try his best to live on and prevent Shen Qingqiu from becoming the villain in this story.

They’re in the Qiu mansion anddddd Shen Jiu dies the day before Yue Qi comes back because someone who he’d thought was dead got a good stab on Shen Jiu before dying, so it’s SY that sets the house ablaze. He’s just sitting there amongst the wreckage cradling his twin’s body in his arms, not ready to let go yet. (He stays like that for a full day, and is still like that when Yue Qi comes down)

Yue Qi sees Shen Yuan cradling the body and his heart drops. He feels guilty for two things actually. One, for being too late. And Two for hoping that it was Shen Jiu that cradled Shen Yuan when he first saw the sight. (Not that SY knows about the second one)

Shen Yuan is devastated, and even though he’s transmigrated his body is young and temperamental so when he notices Yue Qi he’s just so grief stricken and lost that he scowls at Yue Qi and says “This is your fault.” (He also blames himself because the reason SJ got stabbed was because SJ hadn’t been paying attention due to him(SJ) fussing over Shen Yuan’s wellbeing (playing into the sickly SY trope))

Anyways YQ crumples and he begs SY to let him take SY & SJ’s body away from here to give him a proper burial and SY follows YQ to the sect where SY makes up his mind to live up to who his brother was going to be (he has no plans of abusing LBH or anything like that, just succeeding the PL position)

And SY treats YQY like a stranger when he becomes SQQ. IT8S so strange to all of the other PLs because while SQQ isn’t always the friendliest he’s always helpful and considerate.

It gets bad around SJ’s death anniversary because if he’s not holed up in his hut and YQY’s around he’ll actively snap at YQY just start having a full on meltdown. SJ’s death very much changed the way he grieves.

Anyways idk where I was going with this I just wanted to write about Shen Yuan holding Shen Jiu’s body and looking at YQ with such hatred. Idk it’s the song I’m listening to.

[rue-x3]

Sibling SY who genuinely has such a ferocious dislike for his brother SJ and the way he treats LBH (and makes it known) yet jumping in front of a blade for SJ in a “You will live knowing that your brother died for your actions” (also because he doesn’t want his brother to get hurt because SY still cares for his brother as much as he hates to admit it) way which results in SJ becoming more withdrawn and beginning to pamper LBH out of a sense of guilt and believing that he owes SY this much.

LBH who’s lost all will to be a cultivator after his Shizun’s kind brother died faced with the prideful SJ having a breakdown because he can’t understand why LBH won’t cultivate anymore, why LBH won’t let him have this, why LBH won’t let him make it up to his brother.

The normally composed peak lord having these manic eyes as they stare at—no, as they stare past him. He’s angry, sad, and mournful all at once. His mouth’s twisted into what LBH can only imagine is supposed to be a sneer as he spits out words with the twice the usual amount of venom.

“I said sorry, I apologized. So why won’t you—why won’t you forgive me? I’ve done everything you wanted, so why won’t…”

Luo Binghe just stares at Shen Qingqiu silently, unsure what to feel as he watches the older man break down. He knows Shen Qingqiu isn’t talking to him, he knows that Shen Qingqiu doesn’t care about him or his forgiveness. The only thing Shen Qingqiu wants is the forgiveness of Shen Yuan, all he wants is something to make him feel better.

Shen Qingqiu is a selfish man.

In the morning Shen Qingqiu will return to normal, distant and faint—a mask of imposing force and elegance. Beneath that, both LBH and SQQ are aware of the festering sensation of hollowness within. (LMAO THIS LINE MADE ME THINK OF HOLLOW KNIGHT)

Or something, idk I’m writing this on the way to a party, running on 2 hours of sleep and a blizzard (ice cream)

[rue-x3]

Yeah but what if I made angst for my SY being SQQ’s reflection au?

Shen Qingqiu’s hair being a mess, his fingernails—normally properly cleaned—having semi-dried blood gunked up beneath them. His hair is a mess, his eyes are wild and slightly red rimmed. Before him was a shattered vanity mirror, every care product he’d gotten to treat himself lay scattered across the floor as Shen Qingqiu breathed almost heavily. His hair looked wild-as if left uncombed and pulled at relentlessly.

“A-Yuan..”

His voice cracked slightly, vulnerability that he’d swore to never show again seeping out. His emerald eyes—muddled, murky, and grief ridden—scanning every fragment of the broken mirror. Only his reflection stared back at him. There was no Shen Yuan to laugh at his appearance and coax him afterwards. There was no Shen Yuan to gossip with when his martial siblings were being irritating. There was no laugh akin to the noise the cloth would make when Shen Qingqiu cleaned the surface of his mirror.

The only person in that mirror was Shen Qingqiu alone. A person Shen Qingqiu never wanted to see again.

Not at the cost of Shen Yuan.