The figure I see in the water, the love I feel across the table sitting in an empty seat while I'm lounging at a cafe, & the figure following my lead.
In the water he wears a dress. White or black, it doesn't matter. It clings to his boxy, thin figure wonderfully, luring me into the deep navy waves. I miss his siren song. I walk as far as I can to him without my boots touching the water. I'm afraid if they do, I'll walk in & never come back. I repeat the action mindlessly for over an hour. My friend is waiting for me across the way. I don't quite know, but he is tonguing his boyfriend while I see outlines of what is not there.
The cafe. I had gone alone, having ran away from a psychologist that had scared my frail psyche. I had got myself a piece of chocolate cake & a cup of black brewed coffee. I drink my coffee black most of the time, but if I'm outside, I'll typically get something special like a mocha. But I had already gotten something sweet with the cake, so I avoided it. I sat alone in the midday sun, the air-con blasting in my head as I skimmed through my book. He is there. Across from me. In simple clothing mirroring mine. Some 90s metrosexual look. I'd like to think we both look good in this sort of style. He looks at me as the rest of the world chatters to each-other. We are silent. I am silent. I am alone.
Tonight, across from me he followed as I drunkenly maneuvered my feet along cream colored-tiles. A simple collared shirt, completed by a set of suspenders & a patterned tie. The full-cut of his trousers flowed in time with our movements. 3/4, but not the feeling of a waltz, playing from record player I had struggled to get working, & had struggled to find an album for. I settled on a set from a jazz quartet I had heard before.
Now I sweat in the room above, alone. I am a lunatic. This is what keeps me sane.
