it’s all in my head but i want non-fiction
ryujin x yeji
hi there!! :D wanted to wish all of my fellow beautiful lesbians a (late) happy international day, so just wrote something v very quickly
yeah, the title is from chappell’s hot to go BUT! the story has picture you’s vibes. so it’s kinda sad?? hope u enjoy it tho <3 it’s a tiny thing to actually overcome my little situationship lmaooo (help
ryujin and yeji’s relationship is really, really hard to define. well, it depends on which one of them you ask about it, and how much they are willing to share. yeji, is extremely direct about it, it hurts, at least to ryujin. she, on the other hand, doesn’t express herself and bottles up lots and lots of emotions, even the ones she has reserved for yeji.
ryujin is used to it, doesn’t bother her their different takes on their relationship, not that she is certain about yeji’s, but knows it doesn’t match hers. neither she knew what she wanted, so she didn’t want to project her insecurities and emotional blocks on yeji’s way of living life. she just does anything she wants to, not questions asked. sometimes, no thoughts even before doing anything at all. putting her life in danger just for the sake of having fun, hanging out or hooking up. ryujin obviously knew it, and had bad headaches because of it, but still was by her side, accompanied by plenty of gasps and looks at her that should mean she’s scolding her.
to put it simple, ryujin is in the process to open herself to love, to let someone get into the unconformity that is getting under her skin, which had plenty layers to it, so many obstacles she knows she isn’t worth the try to show her vulnerability, to let it just be uncovered. one of them was hwang yeji, since she was taking too much space over ryujin’s being. it burnt and made her melt until she got stuck on the floor, no possibility of ever going forward.
most of her friends never got her, never understood the reason why she didn’t just tell her, feeling they really matched each other, so much they felt like a soft rush of water blending. they didn’t understand that’d cause a big loss, a presence she didn’t want to regret leaving behind in a few years or even before they could get to be something.
yeji is not interested in having a relationship right now, doesn’t want to commit to having one, but does hang up with men for a bit, seeing if she likes them enough to be with them for the night. ryujin knew that, and it didn’t hurt her feelings that she did, the situation reflecting itself why they wouldn’t work, at least not now. they’re not on the same page at all, and that scares the shit out of her. if in the future, for some reason, they end up together, she wants to meet her standards. not that they’re ridiculously high, assuming for the people she meets with, but because ryujin wants to give her all.
it’s dumb and cheesy. she supposedly knows that there isn’t a perfect state of being oneself to be allowed to be loved, she knows that. she knows that people grow because they’re around others, she knows she might be deserving of love just because of the way she is, and it shouldn’t be an issue that she hasn’t met a version of herself she likes enough. it isn’t that she put her life on pause, but because she never really got to start it.
she doesn’t want to halt her careless ways of being, which gives her freedom to be herself. she doesn’t want to not let her grow, she supposes. even though that doesn’t mean she had, on some occasions, her hopes up or took off her inhibitions just to be with her for a bit, even if it meant nothing between them too.
they have kissed, for a short time and a simple brush of their lips in a party, under the premise of a joke, or just for the alcohol. nothing serious. they slept together the same night, yeji in ryujin’s arms, her heart almost ceasing to work. it was a tiny sofa, if someone could call it that, that even one person would sleep really uncomfortable, their limbs not having enough space to stretch. but still, yeji insisted on them sleeping together, saying it out loud in front of all the people.
at that moment, they were practically one. when yeji laughed, ryujin could feel the vibrations of it in her back. ryujin had problems sleeping, and that night was not different but for another motive. she was pressed behind yeji, and therefore her arms didn’t have enough space to lay down, so after hours and hours of changing her position, she decided the only way she could finally sleep was to hug yeji. to put one of her arms below her, and hold her close to her, so that’s exactly what she did.
yeji was asleep, and moved slightly at the touch, but hummed at the contact, acknowledging it, and closed her eyes in weariness again. ryujin was afraid her heart would wake her up because of how hard it was beating, but it didn’t happen. so she did what she could do in these kinds of moments, to bask on the feeling of it for once.
