#angstypost

[dere-bear118]

Cannot shake this feeling of failure lately 😒😁😖

[maggytee]

"Blue, the most human color, blue."

Communication 101 

Do you know this man?  He was an American painter and innovator from the late 18th century. He didn't know that his little idea was going to spawn havoc into in the upcoming centuries. His name was Samuel Morse. He invented Morse Code.

Beep beep beeeeep beep beep

 Look at that face. He would never have expected to be on MY blog, no sir. What in heavens is a blog?

It's fascinating to me, yet still largely unsettling, when I notice things that indicate that I am aging and growing cynical. Through the bumps and grinding, it is happening. Lately, and especially now during these humdrum hours at work, I spend too much time surfing from website to website, reading ridiculous headline to ridiculous headline, not learning anything new, just stuffing my brain with useless information and a lot of banter. I know that this is happening, so I've been trying to distract myself with things that are not plugged into a wall or running on a microchip. 

When I was younger, we had a land-line telephone and beepers, texting cost 10cents per message, email was scary and still spelled like "e-mail". Now, I get excited when I get paper correspondence.

CONFESSION.

I've always had a fear of being left behind, of being out of date with the latest trend, music, news, etc. Because of this, I feel like I always have to be connected - reading everything I can find and never wanting to be "out of the loop" whenever people are discussing a current event. Simply being "out of the loop" makes me anxious, and I know that this is not healthy, and I know that I should do something about it.

I'm the first person to tell people to disconnect, turn off their phones and log offline for a while. I give people advice I wish someone would give me. I'm slowly starting to follow what I lead, but I could still use some work. 

But there exists the struggle for me, the one of having to be all-knowing and the satisfaction of being well-versed in several things. I know Greek Mythology almost as well as I know all the Pokemon. I have to watch all the current TV Shows everyone is talking about - along with reading the books they're based on. 

But I hardly have time for all of this because I spend most of my time trying to complete all of this. 

It's especially hard when you are dating someone who knows a great deal about a great deal of things. Dating someone like that makes me the perfect pupil - busting my chops to learn all that they talk about, so that I don't just sit there and nod absently when they speak. It is possible to overwhelm yourself by learning too much, oh it happens too often to me. Nevertheless, my phone is never on silent.

I am logged into my FB Chat and have FB open on a desktop and still mindlessly refresh both pages every few minutes to see what else is new. I check my Instagram religiously to see who has liked my pictures, even when the push notifications told me who two seconds ago. I forced myself to steer clear of Twitter, because I know myself and I will probably feel obligated to keep posting and updating. That's the word.

OBLIGATION.

 That's what I feel when I am plugged into all these sites. I am a member of this society - this Society of Media - and I have to be a participating member. That's what it feels like. "I haven't posted anything in a while, better do that now. Even if I have nothing to say..." And I know that I am not the only person that feels that way. Which is why I have to unleash all this weird sentiment here. We shouldn't feel obligated to do anything. That's such an awful word. Unless you've given your word to protect someone, then obligation should not be a notion anyone should be crushed under. When I say protect, I mean as a leader, as a parent, and as a friend.  

Social Media and the internet are entities that exist for the sole purpose of communication. We all want communication, and every single day, we come up with new ways to do it in a faster, chicer, and more efficient way. Despite the exponential growth of Social Media and it's members, the concept of communication has been lost in the process. Despite there being 500,000 mediums to say hello to someone, we don't.

(LACK OF) COMMUNICATION.

I'm not being a cheeseball here and talking about how teenagers these days don't know how to interact face to face. But, these days, teenagers just don't know how to interact face to face. And that goes for older folks who are becoming more and more smartphone savvy as well.

Their chins are drilling holes in their chests and their spines are curling slowly to the point everyone will be shaped like a question mark from looking down at their phones. We are sending messages but we're not reading. We are talking, but no one is speaking. There are too many people on this planet right now, and all that's being said, has already been said. Have you read my blog before? On somebody else's page, I'm sure.

It's gotten to the point that I can't even say things to people in person, because I haven't had time to think about it behind my the safety of my little screen. I stumble on my words and get all self-conscious. How did people used to do this before? Fortunately, this is not all-encompassing and crippling, though. I spent some time in France where my cell phone was not working and after about two days of withdrawal, felt like a human being again, breathing righteous air. I didn't have to be taking pictures of everything (although now I wish I would have). When my phone and I were reunited, I felt like I was regressing back to black. That sucks, and I don't ever want to feel that way. And shouldn't.

After all this time talking about disconnecting, I've thought of several other topics I'd like to bring up on this blog. It's a mean cycle.

I think that's it for me here.

   "However vast the darkness, we must supply our own light."

-Stanley Kubrick. 

Happy Birthday.

manspiration.

 Follow me, #likemystatus,

mTee.

[embugification]

Feeling shitty

Wow can the world just swallow me whole.

[juanieboii]

sometimes i feel like i choose to feel lonely...i don't like the feeling at all, but i choose to feel it. i really wish i could just get rid of my emotions but i can't and it sucks.

[z-e-p-h-y-r-e]

Headaches.

I’m not even the one fighting, I just hear it.

[salmonella-is-a-lie]

here's a tip:

don't ask a question if you're gonna tell me my answer is wrong.

[i-cannot-think-of-a-username]

can someone please help me I think I'm going insane and I don't really like it

does anyone even read my blog

[lcinthed-blog]

I'm so so so so so so heartbroken.