thinking about my dark era swap AU (please consider the well-being of your eyes before clicking that "read more") and i wonder about the implications of that for BEAST. thinking about oda failing to save dazai in every universe because dazai always dies protecting him. pondering side B, in which an injured dazai is picked up by an oda who seems to know something, who patches him up but never says a word no matter how much dazai prompts him, nothing. all in hopes that if dazai doesn't come to know him, he would be safe. barking mad about it. you know the drill.
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
Summary:
The act of ‘going home’ is an eerie one. If you don’t ‘go home,’ you avoid the sadness and regret. If you do, there is no escaping them, even if no mother, wife, or child awaits. Going home means you’ll be haunted by thoughts of what might have been. So, to escape these regrets and the sadness, all you really have to do is not go home. Just keep plowing ahead.
if you are still doing the ask game: reverse DE emo bs(d)
ask game
omg thank you soooo much for the ask i have been wanting to yap about this for so long. some context: this is an AU where dazai dies instead of odasaku. i'm so obsessed with it that i even drew his character design for the AU. a bit from what little i've written of it:
“Odasaku-san, I would like to help you from here on out.”
“…” Oda glances at him, steely but prompting.
“I read...please forgive me if possible, but I read the memories from Dazai-kun’s coat. I know what he told you in those last moments. I would like to- to help you with that.”
Help him, when Oda doesn’t know if he can survive another day to live up to what he promised Dazai. Help him, when Oda feels every second he spends alive to be pointless torture. That dream of a room overlooking the sea is as unreachable to Oda as water is to a man lying sunburnt and half-dead of thirst in the desert sand.
Help him, when Dazai’s dead.
The demons that have been thrashing inside Oda’s chest start howling in resonance, making him feel like he’s being ripped in two.
“Plus, Ango’s no pushover as an enemy,” said a laughing voice that was somehow dripping with despair.
"I bet they’re going to back me into a corner, and then-"
And then-
“Say, Ango, why doesn’t the Port Mafia or the Division come after me?”
“Huh?” Ango has the audacity to act surprised, as if Oda had said something completely out of the blue.
“I was the one that was supposed to die, right?” Oda ignores how Ango flinches at the statement he himself implied. “I’m still alive, so why not take me?”
"Odasaku-san-"
“-if you look up my records, you’ll find enough reason to, believe me-“
“Odasaku-san-”
“-so tell me, Ango, what reason can you provide for not capturing me right now? Why do you see it fit to leave me alive like this? Is it amusing? Is it-”
"Odasaku-san, please-"
“Stop calling me that!”
The crescendo of despair that the atmosphere of the bar had turned into comes to a screeching halt. Despite Oda never raising his voice at all, he’s breathing heavily as if he had run a mile. Ango only gets a frightful second’s glimpse of his stricken face before he puts his head in his hands, gripping at his hair as he buries his face into the table.
“…stop calling me that when he can’t anymore.” Oda’s voice is weak and shaky and mumbled into the wood grain that has heard many a breakdown like that. Ango stands frozen by the realization that Oda is crying. Hell, he feels absurdly close to crying himself.
bullshit ass character design under the cut because i can't draw so i'll spare everyone's eyes. (i don't remember if i ever posted this actually hmm...). there is supposed to be an eyepatch on the other side of the head, but i didn't draw that. we need to keep the tradition of dressing as your homoerotic dead best friend going, right?
rules: you will be given a word. then you share one sentence/excerpt from your wip(s) that starts with each letter of your word!
i'm gonna take the word (MYTH) from you, @vivid-vices ! thanks for the word!
M:
Maybe it’s because of how much blood he’s lost, but Dazai’s hands feel warm, utterly devoid of the permanent chill that clung to Dazai, as they pull him up into his lap. Instinctively, he calls Dazai’s name. If he had plans to return somewhere today, would this be what home would feel like?
Y:
You’re still in so much trouble, Odasaku. Why you don’t fight back is…well, I know why that is. Still, you’ve never really had anyone looking out for you, huh?
I wish you wouldn’t push yourself. But it’s alright. The plan’s ready and airtight. I wish I could tell you the details, but paper is thin and easily eaten by rats.
T:
This, Dazai surmised as he walked to the headquarters, could only be done by Odasaku. Despite there being no way for the damn thing to have gained weight, the black coat on his shoulders felt heavy.
H:
Haike Oda Sakunosuke-san,
Surprised by the full name? Well, we haven’t really made our acquaintance yet! It’s good manners, you know~. Ango would agree!
Anyway, in case you’re wondering who this is, my name is Dazai Osamu. I don’t expect you remember me...do you? It’s too much to wish for, but you’re always full of surprises, Odasaku. You really are the most interesting person I’ve ever met.
no pressure tagging @emperor-of-rot @curry-and-gunpowder @quilan @flaresanimedump and anyone else who wants to! the word from me is WISH.
