I don’t ever want to see you again.”
"I-I'm so sorry," Magnus stammered, even though yet another apology probably wasn't what Annika was looking for from him right now. He'd known that telling his girlfriend the truth behind why he'd asked her out months ago was going to have catastrophic, perhaps even relationship-ending results, but after having genuinely fallen in love with Annika, the guilt was eating him alive. Short of going back in time and stopping himself from having dubious motivations in the first place though, all Magnus could really do to do right by her was to finally come clean. She deserved to know.
And he deserved the way she was looking at him right now, even though it cut through him like a sabre. She was the first person to have ever looked at him with unabashed, doe eyes full of love and hope and joy, and because of that, she was now the first person to ever look at him with such disgust, pain, and disappointment. No one had ever trusted or loved him, but Annika had given him her whole heart, and he had messed it up before it even began, and for what? He didn’t even like his father, and yet some strange pride thing had prompted him to try avenging him by targeting the youngest Bjorgman.
It was more than that, though. Magnus had also wanted to avenge himself and the sort of lifestyle he thought he’d been cheated of. He wanted to find a royal who had never felt a negative emotion in their pampered, privileged life and make them hurt, as if that would fix anything. The plan was short-sighted, but even worse, he’d chosen his mark incorrectly. Most royals were like his uncles and cousins, who balked at anything or anyone different, and no matter how hard Magnus tried to fit in with them, he knew they saw him as an outsider and they always would.
Annika Bjorgman wasn’t like the other royals. In fact, she wasn’t like anyone else in the world. She considered herself the outsider among the princes and princesses, but Magnus knew that her differences were what made her special. They made her someone who was friends with creatures that typically went friendless, and someone who cared about her family even when she felt like they didn’t care about her. She went on dates in dumpsters and let him text her instead of speaking outloud because it made him feel more comfortable. She said “thank you” like it meant “I love you”, and loved him fearlessly. She was so beautiful that it sometimes hurt his eyes, and she made him feel beautiful too, and interesting, and worthy. She didn’t see him as from the Isle, or herself as a princess. Whatever she saw them as, she saw them as together, and it made him feel secure.
Did it make him secure enough to beg? No. His days of feeling safe in this relationship were over as soon as he’d told her the truth and had seen her withdraw. But he had to try. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” he repeated, adding as fast as he could, “it’s just... I’ve been fighting my entire life to prove that I was special. Or not even special, just that I was worthwhile. That I wasn’t just taking up space, that I wasn’t a mistake. And I’d never been able to do it. Not with my dad, not with my uncles and cousins who wish I was never born, not with anybody. And there was a part of me that thought, if I took down someone who everyone did think was worthy, I’d win, somehow. But I was wrong. I was so wrong. About everything, about winning, and about you, more than anything, about you. Nobody deserves what I wanted to do to them but especially not you. You’re so amazing, I started falling in love with you almost right away. By the end of the first date, even, you had my head spinning and I completely forgot about why I’d reached out in the first place. I’m only telling you now because... I see something really special with you! And I know, I’m not worthy, especially not of you, not after everything I put you through, but -- well, you’re the reason I know I can love, Annika. And I promise, if you give me another chance, I’ll never lie to you again. I’ll never hide anything, I’ll never do anything to hurt you. Please. I know I hurt you and I disappointed you but... up until I met you, I always felt like life was a dance and I was out of step, and no mattered how hard I tried, I couldn’t fix it. And whenever I’m with you, something deep inside of me knows I’m finally in the right place, at the right time, with the right person. I don’t have to be special to my dad, or to my uncles, or to the world, or to myself, so long as I’m special to you, so please, please give me another chance. I promise I’ll spend the rest of my life making you feel as special as you’ve made me feel if you let me. Please, Annika.”
He waited wordlessly for a reply, the tears that had gathered in his eyes as he spoke threatening to well over and spill onto his face. It made her face blurry, but even through that, Magnus could tell she was far from happy. It was probably the farthest from happy he’d ever seen her, and he couldn’t blame her one bit. He’d violated her trust, and she’d let him in, which was something he knew was as new for her as it was for him. If the situations were reversed, would he forgive Annika? His heart sank to his stomach as he realized that no, he probably wouldn’t. But then again, he had been raised on the Isle. That made it different, didn’t it? It had to. Because if it didn’t, then it meant that the best thing that had ever happened to him would be ove-
“I don’t ever want to see you again.”
It wasn’t surprising but it still felt like a slap to the face. Or actually, it felt more like that time the Gaston brothers had decided to beat up him after school that one time that he’d stolen from them. He’d walked away from that bruised and bloody, with a broken bone or two and so much pain that every step towards home felt like his own personal hell on earth. But even that would be preferable to this feeling.
“Okay,” he said, turning around so he didn’t have to look at the way Annika looked at him anymore. She wanted him to leave, and so he should leave. That would be the respectful thing to do. But walking away felt impossible. He loved this woman. He needed to say something, he needed to fight for her, so he paused, not taking another step until he could figure out what to say. His mouth felt impossibly dry and he licked his lips before throwing out one last plea. “But you’re all I want to see. Forever. So if you ever change your mind and decide to forgive me, even though I know I don’t deserve it, I just want you to know that I’ll still be there. Even if... I don’t know, no matter what you need, or even if you never need me again, I’ll be there. Because I still... I love you. I always will.” With that, he finally forced his feet to walk away from Annika, feeling pain with every step that took him away from the only person that had ever felt like home.