#anon asketh

[laughteronsilverwings]

whats your favorite thing of lqg that youve written?

gonna be real. off the top of my head its probably the opening scene of my ch.2 character study of him (pspsppsps you wanna read it!!) . it was rotating around in my head for sooo damn long before i got it onto the page!!! i am going to show it off here:

i am sooo fucking proud. of the vibe!! and the concepts!!! wearing your own funeral robe to battle is something that FUCKS SO HARD and it's been rattling in my head since i saw this motherfucker. no writer's cut rambling today i'm tired. thank you for the ask anon <3

[laughteronsilverwings]

Paws at your door cutely. May we have some LQG writing?

opens my door cutely. you may. have some from ch2 (in progress) of my lqg character study!!

“If it hurts,” Liu Qingge says, slowly, working it out. Testing how the words feel in his mouth. “It’s not my pain. It’s just the body hurting.”  “The body giving a warning,” Shizun corrects. “You’ll have to listen to it sometimes. Permanent damage is always a pain to live with. But yes. You aren’t hurting. Your body is.”  He takes a breath. “That’s fine, then.” 

Without anymore buildup, shizun, very simply, takes the palm of Liu Qingge’s hand and breaks it. It happens in less than a second. Shizun’s precise, only breaking the bones in the middle of his hand. Liu Qingge hears the crunch of bone more than he actually feels it; and after a heartbeat the pain arrives in rippling waves. He might have made a sound. Liu Qingge did flinch, but shizun’s other hand was on his wrist, holding his arm in place. His eyes are wide.  His face probably looks disgustingly open, right now.  “Sorry, shizun,” Liu Qingge croaks out, blinking back weakness. His hand is throbbing. He doesn’t dare move it- it’s only by the grace of shizun’s hand holding his arm up that it’s still upright. “...It’s fine.” She sounds odd. Off, in some way he can’t make sense of. “Hm. We’ll leave it at your hand for today- you can cry if you want. Do you remember how to stablize injuries, through qi?” Liu Qingge nods. “Okay. To make a brace, you’ll need to condense your qi. Push it around the injury first, don’t push or pick it at. Mold it to the bone- the body knows itself. Just push, condense, and solidify.”  He nods again, raising his other arm up to wipe at his eyes. Liu Qingge sends qi down, letting it seep into the bone; habitually pulling it into patterns that dampen the dull-white pain of screaming nerves. There- shizun had broken them right in the middle. Fractures around, a clean snap in the middle. A little dented.  “There, good.” Shizun taps, very gently, right where she’d broken his hand. A spark of pain emerges at her touch. He doesn’t flinch. A bruise is already starting to form on his hand. “Feel the cracks? There won’t be any bone-shards, don’t worry, I’ll teach you how to deal with those another time.”  “En,” Liu Qingge says, breathing in and out, deliberate. It’s stupid, to- to feel so much about this. Such a small thing. Shizun’s still holding his wrist, cradling his hand, even. He deliberately relaxes his arm, settling into the touch. Good. Liu Qingge can feel something in his chest settle at that. “Okay,” he says, quietly.  “Remember,” Shizun murmurs, not unkindly. “Your body is hurting. That’s what feeling the pain. You aren’t.” 

[laughteronsilverwings]

LOVE your lqg. Did you aim to emphasize some parts of him, like the autism, on purpose?

first of all: thank you, anon! i did not. honestly to me and my interpretation of lqg the neurodivergence (i didn't write him with any real diagnosis in mind, more with a cause/effect/what do i want out of this kinda vibe) is a stepping stone to who he is/acts as a motivation and not a defining facet of his character

okay i assume you came here from heartspun, my lqg character study so i'm going to talk a bit about that under the cut. it's decently long

in the specific context of neurodivergence, i'm poking at 'hey how would an ancient china-xianxia-magic-world treat someone who's Different?' and 'svsss' themes of cycles of abuse and exploitation' and 'hey the existence of a peak specifically for fighting designed for preteens and up is kinda fucked? sects are kinda fucked in general, actually, ESPECIALLY cang qiong' and 'what's the line between training and abuse, especially in eastern stories, with so-called tough love and training often being Damm Fucking Harsh on the protag?' and 'cultivators are often called by their sword's names + seen as apart from the commonfolk + politics + insular social institutions = dehumanization?' and 'lqg canonically REALLY consistently puts the safety and well-being of others above his own' and a whole lotta other things that had been brewing in my head since i'd read svsss. lqg latched onto me quite hard, if you couldn't tell!

what i aimed to do: have the unspecified neurodivergence/Something Different About Him be a driving motivation and a facet of lqg, poke at how it'd affect him as a person, alongside how people-slash-society would treat/view him. cause generally with characters i find that shorehorning them into a box of [xxx diagnosis] is a bit redundant most of the time; sometimes also reduces their character and narrative. for lqg, it turned out to be much more of a theme than i anticipated straight from the start. literally the whole climax of the first fucking chapter was that theme. the shadow-self was really fun to write btw

a little bit of writer's commentary: lqg's vague goal, in heartspun, is to be good. or- useful, earn the... approval of people/the world/the social circles he lives in, whatever you want to call it. make himself approve of himself. get rid or hide that Wrongness that people see in him. which: the self-doubt and dislike/hate that has been ingrained into him, and is also why he doesn't like/refuses to see himself as a full person. or a person in general. my lqg is actively choosing to see himself as a weapon/Not A Person and ignoring his innate... humanity, kind of? like, not EXACTLY that word!! but similar!! i am writing this on my phone and word vomiting don't expect perfect breakdown and analysises!!!

lqg, at the start, is doing his Godsdammed Best to operate within the boundaries and rules he's been given. its a REALLY neurodivergent, specifically common-upon-autistic-people drive to have and i'm exploring it + how it can be used to exploit or mold people. and. that goes double for Future Peak Lord Liu! wow!! i wonder how a kid with that goal and drive and moral compass could be molded (non-sexual) for a future role and his own expectations!! and in fucking CANG QIONG SECT!!! points at yqy and cycles of abuse theming and the ingrained societal roots that china has that allowed for people in position of power to abuse-misuse that power damm fucking easily and to let abuse take place quietly that's quite prevalent in the wuxia/xianxia genres and especially in svsss

i guess it's really more of an exploration of cause/effect + how my read of canon!lqg came to be mixed with my interpretation of him + me taking everything dead straight and having fun with it while being silly

okay i gotta go so anon enjoy the word vomit. thank you for the ask!! mwah. sorry i went off topic a bit!!!

[laughteronsilverwings]

also 6?

rock on, anon! 🪨

[laughteronsilverwings]

do you have any extras for your cheng luan fics??

i do! this one was just a little scene i wrote because i also could not wait to lie down and do nothing. consider this just a little omake

Cheng Luan goes very quiet for a moment, just looking at the paper. In its defense, there’s a lot of branches on there. Even Liu Qingge isn’t too sure how to read all of them; he’s never been absolutely sure of his family tree. Neither is Mingyan- but they’ve done blood tests before, bleeding onto a paper not unlike this one and watching their blood mingle and part. They are connected by Mingyan’s father, who was the cousin of Liu Qingge’s mother; they are from the same family line. 

Probably. That was what their best guess at it. Both of them hadn’t had anyone to teach them, aside from some charred scrolls, tapestries, and whatever was left of their inheritance. And Liu Qingge’s own blurry memories. But those barely count. Mingyan remembers much more than he does. He doesn’t tell this to Cheng Luan, but it’d been at his side when they'd tried to remake their bloodline mapping, the one that'd burned- it probably knows.  The rustle of paper- he looks up. Cheng Luan is shoving the paper away, a peculiar look on its face. “I’m tired. I don’t want to think anymore.” It stands. “Mingxin, I wanna sleep. Let’s go sleep.” “Alright,” says Liu Qingge, lips quirking up indulgently. “Too complicated?” “No,” Cheng Luan says, very quickly. “But just really weird. Stop talking; let’s not think about bloodlines. Let’s go!! I can’t wait to lie down and do nothing. It’s nice.” “…what do you think sleeping is?” Liu Qingge frowns.

[laughteronsilverwings]

do u have any other svsss wips? lqg?

*clears throat* yes but i am currently in hell. i am entering the, like, fifth circle, which is standing still in paralyzed fear while trying to do my best. i have uhh three...? going on right now...? i think...? yeah. three. there's the babytrap universe there's heartspun character study and then there's the lobotomy fic (unpublished, i am writing it) WHICH i'm having fun chipping away at. it's going to be cheng luan and lqg again

have the opener:

You come to life (you wake up, this is called waking up, you’ve done this so much, every single week, why is it so difficult) mind a swirling spiral, with a singular thought in mind: where’s—  You don’t get an answer for this; other than someone screaming (screaming?), a guttural sound, and there’s movement. Something is moving at your limbs from the inside-out, thrashing them side-to-side. A rippling wave of energy courses through you. You think. It’s a wild tide, coursing through you and coming out your skin- skin? Your? 

Your teeth ache with the need to bite down on something, to move, to tear at others until they’re screaming just as much as this sound in a throat, your throat, you’re screaming, limbs thrashing moving running. You can feel something thick and warm going down your throat. No, there’s something else in your mouth your teeth have been embedded into-  Something gives, in the ruin you are slowly realizing is you. A cascade of sparks go down your spine, slamming into electricity that throws your back into an arch. Something has just. Crumpled. Is gone. Is going. Golden spots in your belly, spinning further and further out of control. There’s an absence in the back of your head and that aches. You’re far more concerned with that than everything else. Is this- is this- it’s something you don’t like. You’re pretty sure. Your body doesn’t seem to like it. It’s throwing a fit.  No. But -your body is thrashing on the ground, face (yes, a face, a face, you’ve got one of those, right? It’s something people like to remark on.) pressed cheek-down against some cold stone floor- where are you.  And, and, where is that- where is? Where are? Who are you? And there’s a you in this screaming, twitching, thing of flesh, right? It seems to be dripping everywhere. Horrible. Horrendous. Blood- red is blood- yes, that should be inside you. Not outside everywhere. 

[laughteronsilverwings]

whayt is the most PAINFUL thing youve= e written lately the most ANGST-FILLED thing the most TEARFUL WRIITNG YOU HAVE PLEASE I NEED TO FEEL SMTH

okay anon i hope you're alright. maybe go get some water and food and a nap. here is what you have requested! a snippet from my wip called MUTILATE UNTIL IT'S YOURS*; and it's a character study of original!lmy and original!lqg from PIDW. featuring cheng luan (MINGXIN IS WHAT I HAVE AS LQG'S GIVEN NAME**) btw:

"I don't know," Cheng Luan says, and its voice is small. Hunched shoulders, ducked head. A tiny whisp of a person. Fading red lines, nearly cracks, on its skin- ge had told her that it was his blood, once, decorating its blade; and Liu Mingyan has never gotten the full story. Cheng Luan is clutching its elbows like it will fall apart any second, and it would- it will, if Liu Mingyan does not get this exactly right. "I want whatever Mingxin wants." Tears threaten to prickle in her eyes. Liu Mingyan inhales. "And what does- did he want?" The sentence rushes out of her mouth like a gasp of air; the last breath of a drowning, dying person. 

Cheng Luan looks down. "Mingxin wanted to be good," It mumbles, scrubbing at its eyes, rubbing its fingers deep into them. It's keeping them closed. Half-heartedly, Liu Mingyan considers taking its hands and making sure it won’t hurt itself. She’d done that for Mingxin, when they were both smaller, younger, alive. "He wanted us to be good together- we're perfect together. We're always perfect together. I want to be with him."  "I'll forge the two of you together," Liu Mingyan blurts out, not too sure of what she's saying- how she's saying it. Liu Mingyan cannot bear to lose another part of her brother. That’s what she knows. She has never been able to let go of anything. It’s Liu Mingyan’s flaw; it’s her honor, it’s her pride. "Into- a sword. Ashes and steel. Blood for blood. If you stay. Not- forever. But until..." She trails off, here. Until she what? Cheng Luan is quiet. And then it opens its eyes, dulled by her brother's death, and it looks her in the eyes.  "Until you die," Cheng Luan promises, words weighty. "I'll be with Mingxin forever. And when you die- I'll go, too, for real this time. I'll see Mingxin again. And you'll see him too." Liu Mingyan's heart trembles in her chest.  "Deal," Liu Mingyan says, kneeling down. She reaches towards Cheng Luan's- feels her hand meet the crown of its head, feels it duck its head down. "I- promise."  "Okay," Cheng Luan whispers, a broken song, and leans into her touch. If Liu Mingyan closes her eyes, shifts the horizon of her memory again- it’s her brother, young again. Cheng Luan’s eyes aren’t closed, but they’re gazing at something she can’t see. Glazed and fragile silver, staring outwards in this sugar-spun, broken-pieced dream. “Okay."

*title taken from a tumblr post i have linked to in the ao3 draft (silly)

**i've kept this consistent across all my svsss' works so hopefully it's a kick in the throat if you've read my fics!! i twist my usual descriptions of cheng luan...

[laughteronsilverwings]

Paws at your door, deranged, but still cute. That is an insane piece of writing. Please tell me you have an AO3 fic for it. If so. Please share.

HELLO!! thank you. it is quite late here so i cant promise i'll be coherent but yes i do have an ao3. and the fic: here it is. heartspun

i wanted an lqg character study that expands on him as an actual character instead of an archetype or a side piece and an exploration of the world around him so fucking badly i wrote one myself. i love him dearly he's my babygirl my darling my blorbo. he's repressing so many things. he deeply doesn't want to be a person. it starts off as 8k words in 2nd person pov because i didn't want to give him a given name. i did it anyways

i also gave him a shizun to shape him into who he is now in svsss. her name is lin anping. it's ironic, you see, her name. so is lqg's, both courtesy and what i gave him as a given name. well to me it is! i love both of them very dearly. if you liked the snippet you should read my fic... you'll have fun anon :3

also cheng luan is in it. i have thoughts about how svsss unravels the tropes that it relies on, the cycles of abuse, the weapon/wielder bond, the inherent and underlying things that come of bai zhan's inherent existence, mentor-mentee relationships... i'm having so much fun writing this fic and in the svsss universe and i think it's showing. i love treating fictional worlds like they're real and giving actions consequences and working backwards from a starting point sometimes