hello! this is an introduction post because after a while here i am FINALLY doing things that aren't just reblogging. however the vast majority of what is On This Blog are reblogs. i don't talk a lot on here
anyways,
tags i use: #silver talks for once for my original posts, #silver writes for, well. my writing
my ao3 -> typeset
no idea if i'll move off of tumblr but if i do, i'll throw my cohost or something onto here probably?
further tags under these two categories with a bunch of posts + a bit more Stuff:
#fairytale fic - an in-progress fic, centered around edgejeanist from mha/bnha in an original world of mine. all lore is handmade by me (DISCONTINUED)
#tragedy fic - an in-progress fic, on ao3 (link here) also centered around edgejeanist. inspired by the concept of the not-them and the stranger from tma (ON HIATUS)
i forgot the tags for my other old edgejeanist stuff, but shoot me an ask and i'll see what i can do if you're interested!
#anon asketh - anon asks. i have not gotten an ask thats not on anon but if i do they'll be tagged with this too. (i have gotten many asks that are not on anon now!)
#not-anon asketh asks that... aren't on anon. yeah
smut/not sfw content will be tagged appropriately (usually with #smut/nsft and under the mature tag tumblr added. often, they [meaning the whole thing] will be put on ao3 and not tumblr)
#silver's polls - polls yeah. nods wisely
#oc: NAME HERE - my oc tag. currently i think lin anping might be the only one?
i usually dont tag reblogs so good luck finding those buddy. exceptions for random posts i tag #CHARACTERNAMEHERE with. i should start doing this more
i love asks. send me asks. they are so fun to answer in all types and kinds!!!
also: as you might be able to tell, i am currently fixating on edgejeanist and most original content will probably be for them! | it's now svsss. hello liu qingge. i didn't expect you. jeanist and shinya will always have a place within my heart. make way kids you've got a new roommate | i didn't expect star wars niche character #1293820302 but what can i say!! the heart wants what it wants
I was in a long-term relationship that fell apart partially because I was ace and my partner was very much not, and every time we looked for relationship help we got told that I was the problem. Not just that a significant mismatch in sexual desire could be a problem in a relationship, but that it was My Fault, Specifically, for not being willing to suck it up and have a bunch of sex I didn't want. To my ex's credit, he cared about consent much more than any of the professionals we talked to and refused to pressure me even when my (lesbian, billed as progressive and pro-LGBT) therapist was actively telling him to.
But it meant that we had absolutely no help or support when we were trying to work on the relationship in ways that *did* value my autonomy. There's basically no advice for people who want to try to make a relationship where there's a big desire gap work that isn't "well you should just have sex anyway" or "just break up lol". And that sucks!
Sometimes breaking up is necessary, and that's what ended up happening with us because there were other reasons we worked better as friends, but there *should* be better frameworks for discussing what people want and need that don't automatically assume that one partner's feelings are automatically more important or valuable than the other's.
I was dating someone who wanted to be accommodating and work with me to figure things out but lacked the EQ to do so in any effective way. It was my first relationship and I was still figuring out what being ace meant for me. It’s been eight or nine years, but I still remember very clearly the moment I realized we’d been approaching the entire discussion as if my orientation was the problem to be solved, and that it would be equally as valid to say that hers was.
She was significantly less impressed with this revelation than I was, but I tried to hold on to it ever since (although obviously the real problem wasn’t either one of us, but the mismatch and the lack of tools to deal with it). I think it’s super important to remember that we aren’t the ones in the wrong while our theoretical partners are the ones in the right. I was surprised by how much I’d internalized the assumption and I don’t think I’m the only one.
The other frustrating aspect of this is allo relationships will often have periods of time where libido does not match (I'm not derailing and this will swing back to asexual people)
Just after giving birth, during a family crisis, during a mental health episode, during health problems, during stressful periods at work
There are a lot of times when one person is horned up and raring to go and the other has no interest
And the solution often presented is that the person who is going through something should just put out because they are the problem instead of like...finding ways to engage in non sexual intimacy to reaffirm closeness
An asexual person is going to get 10x the amount of pressure and blame put on them and no advice on how non-sexual intimacy can help their relationships and if they get that at all it will only be to sell it as a bridge to sex they don't want.
I really hate the selling of intimacy as only equaling or facilitating sex. Intimacy comes in many forms and should be explored more by every couple as a non sexual act. And it the given importance it deserves. In fact I would argue if we as a society put more value on non sexual intimacy more relationships would be happier and healthier
And asexual people would stop getting shit for being themselves.
All of this, in ace AND allo relationships alike, is toxic as fuck. If someone is trying to pressure you into sex you don't want: that is wrong. That is sexual harassment at best and potentially sexual assault.
As an asexual, there are a lot of things I wish allos would learn from us. Right now I want you all to understand we ALL deserve better than this. Consent fucking matters, and sexual assault or harassment within a relationship is NOT okay!
friends-to-lovers fanfiction writers need to get it in their heads that just because they have unresolved trauma from their high school “homoerotic situationship” doesn’t mean all of want to be exposed to their (untagged!!) saccharine and vapid fetish…. imagine an impressionable user reads your o/n/e b/e/d trope fic and feels pressured to enter a monogamous romantic relationship, or god forbid m*rriage, the next time they have sex with a close friend or roommate. all because you’ve normalized this bullshit. get better coping mechanisms or is fluff the only thing in your skull as well?
planning my fic in a normal way. 1) what incredibly indulgent scene do I want to write next? 2) what connective tissue do I have to set up between indulgent scenes to get us there?
a thing about me is i basically never notice a wig or other kind of hairpiece in tv/movies. it has to be party city territory for me to even twig it. people will complain about characters' wigs looking bad and i will nod along but there is like a 90% chance i did not notice for a second while watching. i consider this mostly a blessing.
Free service with ads: Well, if I'm not paying for it they have to foot the bill somehow.
Paid service with no ads: Well, if they're not funding it with ad revenue, they need to charge us something.
Paid service with ads: Well that's bullshit.
"We used to be a paid service without ads, but now we're putting ads in it! If you want the ad-free version you have to pay more for preeeeemium": Fuck you fuck you fuck you
guy working on an artwork they knew would push them technically: what the hell why do i keep doing this wrong. am i haunted by malevolent spirits and such
guy who does not do studies and does not practice shading and does not use materials of any level of quality and does not know how to use them and does not know what they are doing: what the hell why does this look bad
Y’all always have to wallow in your misery instead of considering maybe, just maybe, the encouragement people like this give is just telling people to do one, easy thing instead of worrying about a whole routine. Can’t make yourself shower? That’s fine, just brush your teeth. Don’t have the energy to do your hair? Okay, just brush your teeth.
Making 1 small change that can start improving your mood leads to other small changes. When I couldn’t make myself shower I would make sure I changed underwear every day. And then I started using baby wipes to keep myself fresh. And then I worked my way back to trying to take showers every day. My record might not be perfect but I’m getting better.
It’s really unhealthy to keep the mindset that anyone who isn’t miserable and suffering under their mental illness or emotional problems doesn’t know what they’re talking about. Maybe they’ve just grown to learn how to love and care for themselves in spite of what they’re going through.
I don’t know what any of you people think professional help looks like, but when you walk in and say “i’m too depressed to do anything” they don’t just nod and say “well you’re broken forever i guess”. they don’t say “here take this pill and it’ll fix everything”. they work with you one step at a time and explain to you that you CAN in fact do simple things even though you’re depressed. it isn’t easy, but it’s not impossible, it just happens in small steps, but it isn’t getting any easier when you react to every instance of someone trying to help by refusing to listen.
The advice he gives is seriously so solid. A lot of times it’s hard to motivate yourself to do something because it seems too daunting to commit to a full routine, so doing one simple thing can help you get motivated for the next simple thing and so on and so forth. Other posters are right, therapists, at least the ones worth anything, don’t just throw pills at you and tell you you’re never going to improve oh well, they give you simple manageable tips to improve your situation.
Recovery is about baby steps at a gentle pace, not using it as a crutch to never ever try to make your situation better. No one said recovery is easy, but it does take at least a smidgeon of willpower/effort on your part. You have to want it enough to be willing to try. I’m not saying you have to Just Do It and fix your life overnight but if you aren’t willing to try then no one can help you.
having anti punitive justice morals sucks because you want to say "man that guy sucks he should get hit with hammers until he dies" but you also want to make it clear you don't think anyone should be put in charge of the 'hit people with hammers until they die" machine.
I'd like to issue a formal apology to Palamedes Sextus, I was unaware of his swag. I always loved him dearly but it took me 3 rereads of GtN to realize this nerd has catastrophic levels of aura. Difficult to notice when Camilla Hect is next to him at all times
having free control over our endrocrine systems and the ability to change our genitals is currently inextricably tied to trans rights, and for good reason, but frankly i don't think it even needs to be. it should just be a matter of bodily autonomy, and that should be universal. if a cis dude wants tits and a pussy i think that would be fine. if cis women want a dick or nothing at all that should be allowed i think. people shouldn't need to be transgender to be allowed to change their bodies. free the nipple, enlarge the nipple, remove the nipple. whatever the fuck you want. i dont know if there's a term for this belief but i hold it very strongly. everybody biohack yourselves NOW
